(Also posted on Why Women Leave Men since I've talking there so much but it didn't seem the right place for this)<P>Anyone who doesn't know my situation - in one line: my h has moved back after almost 6 mo. and after a long running affair. We had been married 29 years.<P>Logan & Ramy,<BR>H moved back Monday. It has been like a honeymoon! This morning he said he really didn't think this would last this long (the honeymoon feeling) but he's happy it did. We've told our parents and kids but that's all.<P>I've told my counselor many times that I feel I have an angel on one shoulder and a devil on the other shoulder. The angel lets me see the positives (sometimes he's not real quick to show this) and sometimes the devil shows the bad way to look at something. <P>Now the problem/doubt I have is this. This morning as we were laying together we were talking (yeah! we were talking - that's the angel) and he asked me if I ever see a man that I would like to go to bed with (obviously the devil side is punching my panic button). I have not seen anyone in this small town that interests me and I told him that and also that I still felt married to him (I was/am). I know that I should have turned that back to him but I'm afraid of the answer. I don't want to know (ignorance is bliss?). Why do you think he's asking me this? He still feels guilt? He's not committed?<P>He says he's committed. I suspect strongly that we will not be going back to the counselor - it would have to be awhile because of his work schedule. He told our counselor that we know the warning signs now.<P>Right now things are going great! I feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. Did have a sharp word this morning (about his stupid dog in bed) but didn't feel uncomfortable or scared about it. <P>He did say the other day that he heard himself explaining something to me and heard himself sound irritated and he wasn't mad at me so he tried to sound better. That sounded good didn't it? He hears how he sounds to me and tries to change. He is still such a poor communicator. Not only doesn't he talk about things but when he does he isn't clear. Sometimes I think we are speaking different languages. Our counselor says that will get better with practice. The more he talks the better it will be. (I hope - and that's the devil again!)<P>Other question: I feel I should clear the air about the OW. Hear for myself that that's over, but again I'm afraid of the answer. Should I force myself to ask him or will that make him mad and push away ("I TOLD you I'm committed, I wouldn't have come back"...I can just hear him)<P>Anyone with this experience? Any suggestions?<BR>Tina<p>[This message has been edited by bulltina (edited August 27, 1999).]

Wow! I thought only women did this!<P>I call this a "Does this make me look fat?" question. These are theoretical questions that you really don't want the answer to. I believe that usually only women ask these. <P>Did you see EYES WIDE SHUT? A terrible picture, but with an interesting scene of theoreticals like this.<P>Sounds like he's insecure and afraid you might have a "revenge" affair. Maybe that's not such a bad thing. Might keep him on his toes.