Don't want to hijack anyone's thread.

I have thought it many times when I have read some of your advice, and I want to tell you that what you have done for your girls is admirable. You have put what is best for your girls ahead of your own desires, and I know as humans and even mothers it is sometimes hard to do. We don't quit having feelings and needs because we become mothers.

I read your posts and know that you still struggle with your own wants and needs but you know that your girls deserve better. My pat on the back may not mean much from an anonymous stranger, but I hope you use it as a reminder to be proud of your strength throughout your ordeal. Blessings to you and your girls.

Becontent - Thank you very much - it is a daily struggle and quite overwhelming at times - that is why I sometimes try to post to Honey to get through to her but it never works - she gets very aggravated with me.. I actually read her posts and get very frustrated - thinking god I am so much like her - even though I am divorced now - but I am letting go .. My girls deserved so much better - than to live in the situation of infidelity and lying and well just a plain mess... My girls went from the happy mom and dad with no problems to one day - there Dad moving out and their Mom devasted beyond belief - I mean they know that I love their Dad - but I know that they deserve so much better - they are young and they deserve their childhood - not my mess of a life - I am putting my 12 year old in therapy - she says she is fine - but I am not to sure - but my youngest who is 9 right now seems to be ok - she loves her mom and dad - and her personality is much different from her sisters - it has definately been the year from hell - but I know I may not have a marriage anymore - but I am one way or the other going to have two well adjusted children - <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> - Thank you for your support and admiration...... Mimi

I bet it has been a long time since someone has told you that it is okay to love your husband/their father. But it is okay, in fact it should help make the situation better. JMHO (never been there). Also, always let your girls know it is okay for them to love their daddy. So many times, I have seen the children get pulled.

One of the boys that I call my own was legally raised by his grandmother because his mother was/is a drug addict. Every once in a while she would come back into his life and make all kinds of promises. We knew she would be gone before long and we would be the one to help him deal with the fresh hurt. But, whenever he would talk to me about her I would always tell him it was okay to love his mother. I really think he was comforted by that because what he mostly heard was how sorry she was (and really he knew/knows it) but he still loved her. I tried to explain and make him know that she was not doing this to him and that she loved him in her own way. The addiction was just too powerful. I told him many times to love her but hate her choices and never get caught up in that world. You know what, something was right because he is still a good kid (20 years old) and has never been in any trouble.

12 years old is a hard age in the best of circumstances. Therapy would probably help and be good for all of them. It can be really hard handling and watching them them go through this age. If it hasn't started yet you will see it, one day they want to be a kid and the next day they want to be a grown-up and then the next day they're back to being a kid. It is hard. Not only that, their bodies are physically changing and throwing them another curve. Just always keep this in the back of your mind - "those that need love the most, deserve it the least." When your girls get difficult and sassy (and I have faith they will), if you will run this through your mind, I promise your actions and reactions will change for the the better.

Well I've rambled enough. Just keep taking care of those girls. You will be rewarded in the long run with 2 well-adjusted young women.

Hope it was okay to talk about kids here. If not I can and will delete this.

Becontent - Actually - the most important thing to me is that they have a relationship with their father - if anything it is me pushing it - I think it is sad that he only spends an hour on Tuesdays - then takes them overnight on Fridays - but most people would say I am lucky that he is making an effort - and he is - And I will always love him - that is a fact - he may have hurt me - but who he is right now is not someone that I know - or really that I even like - My girls are sassy already - You know this is just a change for them and they want everything the same - and they really don't want their Mom to be sad in this situation - but I always tell them - that there Dad is a great person and that he loves them very much - he may have hurt - Mom - but he never intentionally meant to hurt them. We are pretty open in our discussions - so I am hoping that I can do a good job with them - because no matter what he says - they are mine to raise - he left them and I am in charge of the day to day problems, joys and whatever else comes our way - and we will survive and someday I hope to be in a Happy and Healthy Relationship again... Wish me Luck.... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I do wish you luck, and even sent a prayer up for you and your girls. Even sent one up for your xh.