It will be interesting to know whether technology has succeeded in dominating the A scene. It is sooo much easier to have an A over the internet.

Any opinions out there - can we take a poll?

Hi greyskies,
The guy who had an epiphany and is now able to express his feelings...
Yes the internet is a huge factor. My H had the normal PA with the woman he worked closely with.

After 10 years of start and stop efforts to make our marriage work I succumbed to an internet EA. I was desparately lonely in my marriage. No that does not justify it. I met a man on-line through a Christian penpal site of all things. That is one reason I felt safe and it started out innocently enough. It was nothing either of us planned. He was married too. After we got trapped as each of us put it, we were extremely remorseful and put an end to it. It was a very strong pull, if he had been close by I'm not sure I could've resisted meeting him, truly felt like he was my 'soulmate'. But after a couple months we both ended it, never met, crisis averted. That is when I realized how horribly vulnerable I was and really started pinning my H down to work on our relationship. He has been very desirous to do that also, much to my surprise. We had been what I would call emotionally divorced for quite some time. But I had a good life with the kids and my friends and family. As the kids started heading to college though, I took a good hard look at my H and felt like we either had to make it work or part company.

Anyway, yes, the internet I am sure has made it way too easy for people to 'connect'. I will forever be exremely cautious in that area from here on out and praise the Lord we had the sense to not meet each other.
ByGrace

Bygrace!

How are you? Still chipping away at the old rock I hope <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> Thanks for responding.

Somewhat off this topic, I have somebody that would like to write to you, but off-forum. If you don't mind, send an email to jlbez@shaw.ca and I will put you in touch. No pressure, only if you want to.

God bless, GreySkies

Have to change this nick any day now I think.

Well, add me to the stats! My H's affair began online - a world where you can be who you want to be to anyone!

<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Sorry to say,I'm a stat too. Met OM in a Christian internet forum. EA ensued when we met in person at a forum get-together. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> Another stat here GS.......... sigh.........

Hi GreySkies,

My H had an EA with OW he met on a gaming site. He was planning to meet her (had money set aside for trip in separate account) at a LAN party at a hotel. H was having crisis of conscience for weeks, couldn't eat or sleep. Had a heart-to-heart with a good friend of his, who told him he was crazy if he went through with it and destroyed his M. H wrote email to OW breaking things off. D-day was at 2 am 11/02/02, when I walked in on H arguing with OW on IM. I was devastated, fell into depression. Got the cell bill from H*ll a few weeks later, went into deeper depression.

H found this site in Jan, 2003, and we have been working on things ever since. Sometimes it feels like one step forward and two steps back, but we are making progress. We are attending an MB seminar at the end of the month. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />

One BIG reason there is no instant messaging here and why it is not good to give out your email here EVER to someone of the opposite sex. Guys helping guys and girls helping girls offline is okay. But it is best to keep everything in the open so everyone here can see it.

Chris,

Believe me, I've been burned on-line before and have acquired the wisdom to never go there again. I also am smart enough to NEVER share my marriage problems with another man, unless it's publicly like this forum which has the purpose to build marriages,not destroy them. Give us some credit!
ByGrace

shameless bump! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Must be more out there I'm sure.

Chris, I don't think you meant offense, but just to put your mind at rest and to protect the lady's virtue; my W wants to talk to Bygrace off-forum. I just played the intermediary. Been there, been burned!

My long distance A started with a meeting but continued through e-mail and cell phones. Yes, technology definitely has been too accomodating.

Add me to this roll call.

I started A with a person I met online. Started as friendship, went to EA, and led to PA. Finally led to separation , divorce--for me.

As far as I know, OM is still married. He moved here, to live near me--but he has since moved back.

When I first went online, I couldn't understand the prevalence of internet affairs. What a naive fool I was! They simply are too easy if you're lonely, as I was then--with exH's odd, long hours, and my own vulnerability/weakness/stupidity.

Talk about fantasy-based! Internet affairs are the king of fantasy!

H_P

ByGrace ,
Give us some credit!
Uh, I am. I was NOT taking away anything from you or anyone. And if anyone deserves credit, I will more than give it to them. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I was simply pointing out to keep it public.

True,the internet is facilitating affairs...that's the bad news. But it's also discovering them and ending them, too. Wonder how many A's were busted by a spouse finding hard evidence on the computer...my EA was.

Sincere,
Ditto here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />
BUT
After months I can smile again although the guilt is not a nice thing to deal with. Also not the pain that I caused others, including myself. I can only hope that time heals. My H has been so supportive and absolutely an example for the A plan. I love this site and I love my H.
How are you doing now Sincere?
AD

I thought I'd bump this to display my new status <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The sun broke through the greyskies!
I'm really happy for you and your wife, it gives us all hope. Bygrace

A year or so ago I read that the internet (pornography/affairs) is now sited as the cause of at least 10-20% o fall divorces both in the USA and the UK. Since most marriages do not break up after affairs, I assume it’s at least 10% in the general affair population. And those would only be the ones that met online.

It seems that almost all affairs these days home some email/chat/game-room/what-every involvement. It’s just a big part of all of our lives.

In my case 100% of my husbands affairs were with women he met on the internet. I found out about 10 of them. There could very well have been more. He says I found all of them except the 10th that he told me about. Who knows….

Chat and game rooms are very dangerous for marriages. Heck in game rooms a person is considered weird if the partner they have is their spouse. They can be sick places.

People who would never go to a bar and pick up a totally stranger to have an affair, will do it over the Internet. They think that because they spend hours in chat and email they actually know each other.. No they know the person the other wants them to see. This is all new to our society. We do not have social protocols for internet behavior, so anything goes. The media leads to a huge sense of attachment.. our brain is our largest sex organ. That is what is stimulated via chat/etc. There is such a feeling of false security, false feelings, false anonymity and eventually turns around and bits them in the [censored].

One very normal game played on any internet venue is that of a married person pretending to be single. It’s almost predictable anymore.

I’m not saying that the internet is not a viable place to meet someone to date/marry. But one has to approach it with care, as they usually would any place else. And it’s important to take the relationship into real life as soon as possible.

Just my two cents.

Both of my WS. affairs started thru the internet. Also had a few flings from people he met on line too. He's still way in the fog, I can't stand to talk to him or be around him.

sorry to say yes ..... add me too to tell ya the truth i would love to throw the darn computer out the window but what good would it do he has one at work.... and as they say where there is a will there is a way ,,, but i truley beleive in our case it would never have happened if not for the internet and classmates.com rekindling old flames and "friends" can be a dangerous thing that all seems so innocent in the begining.....if they only knew the heartache and sorrow it can bring... <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

my husband has had 4 internet affairs and those are the ones I have figured out, I figure I am not as smart as I think I am so there must be one or two I wasnt smart enough to figure out ? But what baffles me is people on the net scare me I cant imagine meeting someone you have met online, becaue frankly chances are they are not what you think, but I wont speak to people on line, although I do to my friends that I know personally and family, I have talked to a few bs and ow on mb's who have been very supportive, but meeting some man on line is not appealing or attractive at all and I am at a loss as to why my husband would find intrest in that. makes me sick.. I know sounds funny considering I was an ow who has a child by a mm.

To ArtfulDodger: You asked how I'm doing...well,6 months past D-Day,we're still riding the roller coaster of emotions, but the highs and lows are leveling off somewhat,and recovery is going as good as can be expected at this point.

To mom of five: I can understand your qualms about meeting people from the Internet. I never would have gotten involved with just any old stranger from any old site,either. My EA occurred after interacting for two years with the OM on a Christian forum that is actually very wholesome and spiritual!

The truth is, the Internet is just like any other thing...there are sleazy,yucky sites,and sleazy,yucky people; but there are also wholesome,beneficial sites, and perfectly nice and normal people.

Take,for instance,this site. There are some wonderful people who post here.

There are serious dangers in interacting with the opposite sex,though,even if the site is wholesome and the person is perfectly nice. If you "click" with someone on the internet, it's easy to quickly feel as if you know them very well while sharing thoughts via e-mail,instant messaging and chat.

I will no longer be I-M-ing or chatting with people of the opposite sex...in fact, we no longer have a computer at home,and I don't I-M or chat with anybody. This is a good safeguard,IMO. I'm a very sociable person who enjoys getting to know people and conversing with them, so I will have to be very careful in my internet dealings in the future.

sincere

I agree it is a very good safe guard. we leave a messenger up for relatives as we are spread out in several countries and many states. so it helps stay close to family. How ever my husband does not use the computer at home any longer for this very reason.

but now he travels and is on his own alot so if he is gonna do it I wont be able to stop him. However I dont feel he is, we have really conected for the first time in years and feel we are in a good place, although I never let my guard down completely.

Then again if he wanted to here I would not be able to stop him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
sooner or later we will just have to trust. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Thats where I'M at now, and not doing to bad with it, but the triggers are still there once in a while.
my husband always summed it up as a one night stand so whats the big deal. took him years to understand it was a big deal.