Within the past week, someone posted a link to a book about affairs, saying the author had pretty much the same ideas as Harley, but was more forceful in saying the A was strictly the fault of the WS (or somethign like that). I can't find the link, and was wondering what the name of the book is. If anyone can has any idea, please let me know.
Michael
I do not remember the thread but I also liked the book Torn Asunder and Not Just Friends.
It was not in the title of a thread, but in a reply someone gave to a thread in the past week or so. The title of the book is something like after the affair, or something like that. How bout if everyone could post what books they thought were helpful. I might be able to find what I am looking for and also get some other ideas on good books to read. Thanks everyone,
Michael
This is posted somewhere, but I'm too tired to look for it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> , so here it is again:
Spacecase's Book List - Recommended Reading:
UPDATED 09/07/02
My "Affair Bibles"
Surviving an Affair - Harley/Chalmers - Clearly the definitive guidebook to sanity and hope during these turbulent times, and a must-read for anyone on these boards.
The Divorce Remedy - Weiner-Davis - Second only to SAA, very similar approaches and methods, less structure to the program.
After the Affair - Abrahms-Spring - Apart from the attempt to connect EVERYTHING to childhood experiences, a very thorough and complete guide with tremendous insight for all involved in an A.
Indispensable References
His Needs-Her Needs - Harley
Give & Take – Harley
Surviving Infidelity - Subotnik/Harris
Divorce Busting - Weiner-Davis
Private Lies - Pittman EXCELLENT!
Tell Me No Lies – Ellyn Bader, Peter T. Pearson
Love Busters – Harley
Fall in Love, Stay in Love - Harley
Passionate Marriage – Schnarch
Other Valuable Books
Fighting for Your Marriage - Markman/Stanley/Blumberg
Difficult Conversations - Stone/Patton/Heen
Conscious Loving - Handricks/Hendricks
Change your Life & Everyone in it - Weiner-Davis
Money Demons - Forward
Men are From Mars; Women are From Venus – Gray (In fact, the whole Venus & Mars series is great)
Torn Asunder - Carder
Love Must Be Tough & Straight Talk – Dobson
How to Recognize Emotional Unavailability and Make Healthier Relationship Choices – Bryn Collins
Patterns of Infidelity and Their Treatment – Emily Brown
Codependent No More: How to Stop Controlling Others & Start Caring for Yourself - Melody Beattie
Please Understand Me; Character and Temperament Types – Keirsey/Bates
On My Reading List
The Truth About Relationships - Greg Baer
The Intimate Enemy - George Robert, Bach/Wyden
The Dance of Connection - Harriet Lerner
How Could You Do That?! - Schlessinger
Affairs: A Guide to Working through the Repercussions of Infidelity – Emily Brown
Getting the Love You Want – Hendrix
Awakening the Heroes Within – Pearson
When Love Dies; How To Save a Hopeless marriage - Bodmer
Angry Marriage; Overcoming The rage, Reclaiming The Love – Maslin
Why Men Don’t Listen and Women Don’t Read Maps – Pease/Pease
Codependents' Guide to the Twelve Steps: How to Find the Right Program for You & Apply Each of the Twelve Steps to Your Own Issues - Melody Beattie
Non-Relationship Books
Who Moved my Cheese? – Johnson
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People – Covey
The Everyday I Ching - Dening
Contemplating Reading (If I live long enough! Or my W stays on the fence long enough; once we’re in Recovery we’ll be…ah, busy! LOL!!!)
Getting Together and Staying Together – Glasser/Glasser
Transforming Your Dragons: Turning Personality Fear Patterns into Personal Power - Stevens, Jose, Ph.D.
Radical Honesty: How To Transform Your Life By Telling The Truth - Brad Blanton PhD
Being a Man in a Woman's World - Dennis W. Neder
The Other Woman - Rosie Milligan
Sacred Contracts - Caroline Myss
Fear of Intimacy - Robert W. Firestone, Joyce Catlett
Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche - Robert A. Johnson
Meeting the Shadow - Connie Zweig (Editor), Jeremiah Abrams (Editor)
Heal Your Heartbreak - Chuck Spezzano
If It Hurts, It Isn't Love; 366 Statements to Heal and Transform Your Relationships - Chuck Spezzano Ph.D., Robert Holden
Some I did not like
When your Lover is Liar - Forward - Very valuable IF you're a betrayed woman (Most of the premises are based on real/perceived gender stereotypes, and for men it's too difficult to discern which could also apply to lying women.)
Affairs: Emergency Tactics - Rhodes - Very shallow. Only discusses 3 types of As, and attempts to make everything fit within those 3. If yours is precisely one of these, there could be some value to it, but in general, there's much better stuff out there.
Infidelity - Gough - Again, pretty shallow, author has been a WS and BS, hard to tell what's her personal experience/perception and what's more researched and solid.
Infidelity: A survival Guide - Lusterman - Way too textbook to be practical, much more of a study of the psychology of affairs. Of value if you're into in-depth psychoanalysis of affairs.
There were others here, but they were SO bad (IMHO) that they went right back to Half.com for sale!