Has anyone out there ever dealt with a husband contacting women through adult match sites and web based call girl sites? If so, I would like to hear from you and how you dealt with it. My hubby says it is just for fun, but he crossed the line and now I no longer trust him.

Hi and welcome to MB.

Well join the crowd, many of us have dealt with spouses who thought sites like Adultfriendfinders.com (or something like that) was just to find 'someone to talk with'. Or at least that's the line of WS crap the BS are handed.

Mine did. Both advertised they were married and interested in a 'friend'. I don't have friends who do that but in reality both wanted the thrill of an A. Before long PBR (Ws' given name here) was sending pictures of her body parts (legs, then you know what's - YUCK) via internet e-mail pictures. Funny thing this PBR bimbo was 45 years old with gray hair in places the sun don't shine - double yuck!. Share that sicko piece of info with your H and watch him cringe.

If he doesn't cringe, then you have will be able to see what you really need to work on. If he is already in the A fog, he will think body parts are a good thing...... then you'd better get tested because you don't know where he's been or where he is going.

Now.....read up on the info here. The concepts section above and get ahold of the books: Surviving and Affair and His Needs/Her Needs. Both books are by Dr W Harley. Get ahold of a good MC. If you can't try the phone counseling sessions with Steve or Jennifer here @ MB.

There is the Emotional Needs questionnaire that is good for both of you to take. If your H won't then you take it once for yourself and once as if your H is taking it. It may help you get a better idea of where your ENs really stand.

Learn to know when your H is giving you 'fogese' illogical talk or when he is really stating a valid problem or concern. Learn how to deal with the fogese vs how to deal with the valid concern/problem.

This will be a long and bumpy ride we affectionly refer to here as the 'roller coaster ride'. Not a pretty one but one that you can survive. You don't need MB but it sure helps.

take care,
L.

My H used to call those 900 numbers. He was using our credit card and sometimes, our debit card. At first I thought it was a mistake, or some kind of fraud. When I started investigating it, he confessed. He said he would stop - I found out in '96 or '97. He continued to do it off and on until about 2000. He would only do it when I was away - and especially if he had been drinking.

I was so mad. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> And, it was costing us so much money! Anyway, he stopped doing that - now he just looks at free Internet porn sometimes. And at first, even that wasn't free. He would dial up numbers online and we'd end up with $200 in international long distance fees!

Our sex life has been going downhill for years. We've been having problems, but we're working things out now. I think the reason he's been doing this is because he has low self-esteem. He told me recently that he no longer feels attractive (and we women thought only we felt this way!) He gained some weight when he quit smoking and doesn't feel good about himself.

Also, I think his "needs" are different from mine. He likes more erotic and "kinky" stuff that completely turns me off. We've managed to compromise on some of this. I'll watch some videos with him as long as they are reasonably tasteful.

So, I don't have an answer - I'm still seeking myself. Just wanted to reply to let you know there are others going through similar situations.

Blessings,
C.

<small>[ June 13, 2003, 08:19 AM: Message edited by: Chrys ]</small>