As a Betrayed Spouse, did you feel renewed passion for your Wondering Spouse?

When I discovered that my husband (of 20 years) was seeing another lady it was like I became a different lady!

I no longer took him for granted; I felt a love and passion for him like I felt when we were dating.

I just wanted to give and give in a sexual loving way,(ALL WAYS) wanted to win him back I guess and prove I loved him more than SHE ever could!

It is like we don't realize how much we care until we feel we may lose them!And then it is like an explosion of love, passion, affection and caring goes off in our brains!

I don't know if it is too late for my husband and me or not, fortunately the lady he was involved with has found a new 'sweetie' so that does help!
We seem to be healing very nicely!
I have forgiven him and do not bring it up anymore!

So often, we take our partners for granted.
We get so involved with our kids, our other family members and friends that good ole hubby is someone that brings home the paycheck, does the outside chores around the house and sits around and watches TV.
Oh, we feed him too!

Not realizing he has emotional needs also!
Many of us females get our emotional needs met from our lady friends or sisters!

I was just wondering if the fear of losing your mate, brought out the long ago love and passion from inside you for him? (or her)
Sincerely JJ (Julie Jo)

Yes, a burning E-ticket passion .... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Yes. The A can increase passion for the BS. But, let me add that it is a two sided coin.

Often the WS has spent months or even years where the love and attention they give the BS decreases slowly but surely. One often reads that the WS has showered the OP with gifts and poems of a most romantic nature. Yet the spouse is left with less and less romance. Is it any wonder that sometimes the BS is less passionate?

If a spouse takes the other spouse for granted then perhaps he or she deserves to be forcefully told to shape up or suffer the consequences. But, that is never a reason for an A. The A only adds to the problems. It's like cutting off your foot to cure a ingrown nail. It works, but the price is so high compared to a more reasonable approach.

[ December 17, 2003, 03:24 PM: Message edited by: auto009988 ]

Hell no. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Yep, I definitely claimed my territory.

As for the romance, it did hurt me that WS found song lyrics for OW and love quotes for her. I don't remember him doing that for me. Although, he did choose our wedding song based on the lyrics and his love for me. I told him that if we ever got back together, he would have to shower me with romantic gestures. Strangely, though, I don't feel a great need for them now. I suppose recovery is still new, but his apology is the most romantic thing he has ever done.

Dear Blessed,
How comforting it is to hear that I may not be going crazy. Hopefully a condensed version of my story will help. Husband and I in very unhappy marriage last 3-4 years. No sex - I mean none for at least a year. Like 2 roommates together for the sake of our kids. I am 40, WH is 41. Married 15 years. He began an emotional affiar in June which ended with a night spent together in mid - August. Due to his own guilt he ended it and ironically I found out 4 days later. He maintained EA only until beginning of Dec for fear that I would leave. During the 3monthes from when I first found out Our sex life has never been better. I couldn't understand how I could all of a sudden feel such passion for a person that I had been so cold with. The thought of him talking intimately with another woman crushed me. Needless to say the revelation of the PA was an additional blow to me. I have never felt such pain but understand his compelling need to lie. He did not have to tell me the truth but stated that he felt we would never trully reach real intimacy with the lie he was keeping. Seeing my husband cry is something I will never forget. I still am craving for sexual attention like never before. Perhaps we wake up to reality that someone else can take whats ours. I just hope that I can eventually stop seeing the images of him with someone else and our passion only grows. Am I rambling??? I would love to talk with you more. Hope to hear from you soon.

"Yes, a burning E-ticket passion .... " Pep, you crack me up. We must be old, because I, too, remember the E tickets!

As to the question... I have to say that this man, my H, has always "rocked my world", still after nearly 26 years! He touches, reaches a part of me that I can't quite explain but it's intense. I see him walk through the front door, enter a room, or hear his voice and oooh baby...

In the final stages of the sexual part of his A, the passion was not being reciprocated (still sex, but little passion), I had no idea what was going on (he wouldn't talk to me about anything) and we hit what we now refer to as "that dark period" in our relationship. Many aspects of our relationship began to improve as soon as we relocated (and the PA ended, even tho contact continued). However, since my discovery of the A, it's been HIS passion that has been re-ignited, big time. His fear of my fleeing our marriage now rocked his world. He's a new man, I'm a new woman. I read in someone's post recently their referral to their love/sex life being epic. Sounds like we can all relate. The perfect description comes from the Al Pacino character in "Scent of Woman": "oooh aaaah!"

BTW, haven't you also found that the renewed, or newfound, intimacy is almost an aphrodisiac?

[ December 18, 2003, 03:49 PM: Message edited by: Never Alone ]

Yes, but not unlike JazzeyGirl, it has since faded.

When I first found out, I just couldn't get enough of my WW. The strength and depth of my feelings were as great, if not greater, than when we got married! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

However, with her continued lies and betrayals during that period, that feeling began to fade, until I got to where I am now, which is the same kind of indifference I had been feeling for at least a year prior to D-Day. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

So yes, absolutely, positively, YES! I have never felt such love and passion for my WW as during those first few weeks after D-Day.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Blessed TIME:
 When I discovered that my husband (of 20 years) was seeing another lady it was like I became a different lady!

I no longer took him for granted; I felt a love and passion for him like I felt when we were dating.

) <hr /></blockquote>wow, it was the opposite for me! I wanted to dump the creep pronto! I felt nothing but sheer disgust and revulsion. My goal was to dump him but he talked me into staying and going to counseling with him. I thought that way I could at least say "I tried" when I gave the bum the bum's rush. Well, here I am 3 years later!

But it took at least a year to have feelings for him again. Now, we are madly in love with each other [for the most part] but it took awhile to get here!

In some ways.

Our sex life and passion was better, but it had never gone away we just didn’t modify it.

I never took my wife for granted. She wasn’t out looking for love or anything else. The OM and his family were our best friends. We spent a lot of time together. All of us. I spent every possible free moment with my wife. I just didn’t have much free time. I felt guilty about not having enough time to get everything done. My wife was targeted by a person with ACD who’s family had always made sure that he got everything he wanted. So, when he started wanting my wife, he didn’t know how to not get what he wanted. Friendships, family, children, none of these things were as important as him getting his way as he always did.

Also like uncomfortablynumb, it has sense gone down. But, not for the same reasons. My wife has not lied to me or deceived me since Dday. But, I seam to think more and more about divorce since Dday. I cant really say why, I just have.

@Tech

[ December 18, 2003, 03:47 AM: Message edited by: UNCatTech ]

ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

We have had SF in the past three months since D-Day but as time goes by, I feel less passion for my H. I am now abstaining from SF.

The reason I stopped is because I felt sad and remorseful after SF. I felt cheap, dirty, used, like a whore, for having SF with my H. I think it is because SF is not the "special" thing we share as a committed married couple anymore. It is something my H could do with anyone, and did.

During SF I wonder if my H is thinking about OW. I wonder if he touched them the same way, if he said the same things to them. It definitely kills any passion (and love) I felt for my H.

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by Toofargone:
 ABSOLUTELY NOT!!!

We have had SF in the past three months since D-Day but as time goes by, I feel less passion for my H. I am now abstaining from SF.

The reason I stopped is because I felt sad and remorseful after SF. I felt cheap, dirty, used, like a whore, for having SF with my H. I think it is because SF is not the "special" thing we share as a committed married couple anymore. It is something my H could do with anyone, and did.

During SF I wonder if my H is thinking about OW. I wonder if he touched them the same way, if he said the same things to them. It definitely kills any passion (and love) I felt for my H. <hr /></blockquote>X 2 with EX.

But Im remarried now.

My stoey is alot like Uncomfortably Numbs who wrote.
<blockquote>quote:<hr />Yes, but not unlike JazzeyGirl, it has since faded.

When I first found out, I just couldn't get enough of my WW. The strength and depth of my feelings were as great, if not greater, than when we got married!

However, with her continued lies and betrayals during that period, that feeling began to fade, until I got to where I am now, which is the same kind of indifference I had been feeling for at least a year prior to D-Day.

So yes, absolutely, positively, YES! I have never felt such love and passion for my WW as during those first few weeks after D-Day.
<hr /></blockquote>During the early days of DDay2 I felt very passionate for the FWW. People have used the expression "reclaiming" territory. I know not the best analogy but....

Since then a feeling of indifference has crept over my feelings. I wish I knew where this was heading.........

cwmac