Marriage Builders
Posted By: lookingup Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 02:15 AM
Something I've been wondering about. What "minimum requirements" do you think are necessary for a good and successful marriage? It's hard for me to differentiate sometimes between expecting too little or too much.

One thing I've always told my kids is to marry someone you couldn't live without as opposed to someone you could live with. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

It would be great to have input from all perspectives on this- those who have and have not succeeded.

Looking up
Posted By: lookingup Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 05:02 AM
--bump--
Posted By: hanora Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 06:40 AM


<small>[ February 04, 2005, 06:41 PM: Message edited by: hanora ]</small>
Posted By: Felina Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 07:04 AM
I used to say, marry your best friend, and I did that once - it lasted 6 years, and then I got divorced amicably - haven't spoken to him since, or even thought of him, really. Then I said marry someone you can't live without - well, I did that too - had an affair on him 4 years later, sounds like I could live without him afterall. (we are still together and working hard at M). So I don't recomend either of those sayings.

I like Hanora's idea - you have to be enough alike in the major areas in life, but different enough to compliment each other. Big religious differences are really bad, IMO (first M) Kid thing is a really big deal. Some common interests.

Also - there HAS to be a spark - if there's no spark in the beginning, you can't just create it later (that nullifies the best friend idea.)

Felina
Posted By: Cherished Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 01:43 PM
MC #2 said he's a narcissist who will do the minimum to appease you. MC #3 said that's just fine if he'll do the minimum to appease me. The minimum just became 15 hours per week of enjoyable time 1 on 1. We have four small children. I am arranging co-op babysitting, buying a crock pot, etc. He has many changes because ALL of his recreational time was away from the family. It seems it can be done.

What happened is I decided I'm done with a bad marriage.
Posted By: lookingup Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 05:35 PM
The not being able to live without someone idea references my daughter's comments about a current boyfriend that she said had some annoying habits, etc. and she could in a sense "get over." Therfore, don't just tolerate- but expect to love and appreciate the basic qualities of a person so you won't be focused on changing them. That never works. I learned that one the hard way.

I definitely agree with the "spark." It has been impossible for me to create one that wasn't there at the beginning. I guess another "requirement" should be to take the time to know what you really want in a relationship- i.e. not marrying too young.

There are things in my mind that are necessities ans others that are a bonus.
Posted By: boobyprize Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 05:57 PM
Here's my minimum requirements for a long-term sucessful marriage:

Communication
Friendship
Great Sex
Recreational Companionship
Similiar Beliefs/Morals
Equal Partnership
Ability to Compromise
Love
Priority on Family/Marriage
Forgiveness
Posted By: dean790 Re: Marriage: Minimum requirements? - 01/30/04 10:22 PM
You are asking an extremely difficult question. What may be min. req. for one person may be much different to the next person. In my own personal opinion, two people should get to know each other as well as possible before getting married. Some of the very basic and min.
requirements would be the knowledge each other’s current financial situation, religious beliefs, and family values. Even by knowing these few things, a decent amount of time should be taken to get to know the future husband/wife. I believe it would be a good idea to know one’s criminal record (if any) before getting married. One’s general manners, moral and etiquette should be given strong consideration too. This may seem silly, but one’s preference for pets should be looked at also. Sometimes a girlfriends house cats or a boyfriends rowdy pit bull can be a big problem in a relationship. Each and everything that matters to a certain individual should be weighed with some importance and talked about with their future mate before getting married. One very important advice I can give anyone who reads this is to not rush into any marriage. Another extremely important issue is the accidental pregnancy marriage. Avoid it by taking the proper step to not let it happen to you. Do what ever is necessary to teach your kids this important message and then practice what you preach.
© Marriage Builders® Forums