Taking KIDS on school trip ,,, GUESS WHO MAY BE THERE !

OK I am posting again ,, if anyone cares to respond ...

Friday kids going on MOVIE feild trip ! WEIRD BUT TRUE .... THe school has selected a theater in another bourgh ... YEP OW's town ..

MY cousins child is now in the same school as OW's D ... SO I find out at thanksgivig that , that school will also be attending !!!

H alittle PISSED OFF !

I have option to attend (chaparone ) or not .

I useually am picked do to the trips cause of S and D allergies and asthma ...

OK ,,, so H says the odds of OW being there are very very HIGH ! She always goes on the trips with D casue she misses alot of stuff at school cause she is a working mom ...
Her boss is flexable to this ...

OK problem coming ,,, H feels HE KNOWS OW WILL TRY TO CALL HIM ONCE SHE SEES ME ON TRIP WITH KIDS! Because when they where together HE went on the trips to spend more time with them and OW new that .

#2 problem that HELLO just never goes away ! I said, well we are faced with you now telling her once and for all that WE are together ....
NOPE won't do it , nada never ain't happening !!!!

HE says again ,, that he will avoid all calls with numbers he does not know ... (BULLDODO)

He can't its a work phone there are #'s all the time he doesn't know ...
Well again comment made that if this starts problems it will probbly be the end of us !

I expalined GET OVER IT GOES FOR HIM AS WELL !

If your over it then whats the BIG DEAL ! ?
IF she and you do not talk in 17months whats the big deal?
AND why is it still important to keep your M from someone your OVER !?

people I can find nothing that shows contact and oh I snoop till my eyes are red ...

he is home , calls , checks in , phone and beep clear , computer only in front of me ( except work ) All pass words ... car clean of any thing .

WHAT what is it aI am missing ,,, why if confronted is he willing to D me and never tell her ... ???????????????????????????????????????

All these things have been happening to bring the what if in our face often now ...

I want this OW to confront me ,,I pray for it , I will tell her that is my desion ,,, HE knows it and can D if he chooses ...

I am done with this issue ,,, its the last step in the recovery ,,, JMO

I need this , he knows it ...

I am sorry I can't keep this end of the deal for him . I was wrong to comprmise on this .. I admit it ..

Any thougths ??? just talk to me someone , anyone ????

Hey gal,

This is a tough one, according to POJA, then you shouldn't do ANYTHING, but it doesn't sound like you were 100% enthusiastic about the decision.

Can you talk with him about how GREAT you'll feel once she knows, and wouldn't it help him to hear it from YOU instead of HIM?

Can you approach it as if you are doing him a favor?

This is a problem...and the fact he is holding D over your head is scary...does he threaten that quite a bit?

You can ask him what else is wrong in the M for him to give up over this...and to find out what he is afraid of...

This is a tough one, out of respect for youir H you let it go, but out of respect for YOUR recovery he needs to accpet some things you need...

Sounds like a renegotiation is in order...

Read up on POJA and see what you can do to follow it step by step and solve this where you BOTH are happy with the results...

well no one has ans so I will, just before I pop of to bed <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> 1.10am here & still not sleeping well again.. not until hes back from that hell hole safe & sound.

Anyway

read your post and though I am from the other side of the fence so to speak, you should not compromise on that at all. Your H has got to suck it up and tell her for YOU and HIM and YOUR family!!!

I bet hes so guilty because he has said some stupid thing like 'its forever' or some such crap we WS say to the OP's, hell we say anything.

The only guilt he should be worrying about is for what hes done to you & family. NC & its over message is a must. If he wont speak to her & thats maybe good, get a 'NC its over' letter off the MB site, address it to her and have him sign it and YOU post it, at the very least!!!
And really, after 17 months what does he really think this OP is going to do if she sees you or not? I dont think so if she hasn't done it by now, shes probably not that dumb surely. But even so if she did, I don't think he should ans UNLESS you are there anyway. If he gets a call even if he does not ans, he must tell you.

Sorry 3, somtimes we WS are so good at avoiding all the hard things. I guess we all hope it 'just goes away' but guess what?? It won't.
Looks like hes going to learn the hard way if he tries to avoid this one. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
You deserve the message to her saying NEVER contact me again from your H.

Still , I thank you for the response ,,, But been here long enough and you have read enough of my post to know H will POJA anything BUT THAT !

Sad but true ,,, and by the way we did awhile ago he promised me IF EVER OW CONTACTED HIM (AFTER ENOUGH TIME PASS HE WOULD TELL HER I AM HOME WITH W < DON"T CALL !

Guess he might have thought NO situation would ever come ,,, but now there have been WHAT IF things poppoing up and guess what ,,YEP ,,I here NO WAY ,NO HOW ,NOPE ...

threaten me D? no, only with OW KNOWING !
Only this subject !

AUSSIE - I agree I deserve this ,, I have expressed this in every possiable way ....

There is nothing and I mean NOTHING this OW could tell me that H said, or did that I don't know or thought of ,,,I explained that to him ....

I know about the I WILL MARRY YOU, I will bring my kids to live with US , I know about vacations , trips , money over2o,ooo and thats just in charges ! I even know he took her to GYN appts. and filled the birth control pills ,

I have thought of every thing including he might have gotten her pregnant and aborted <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

You name it I been over it with him millions of times ...

NOPE he does not want her hurt ,,, YES I even know he swore to her no matter what happens he would never ever even if I was last women standing get back with me ,,,, I know she wanted him to sware to that and SHE told him NEVER TELL ME YOUR WITH YOUR W !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The problem I have with all of it is ,,,, I always wanted him happy ,,, If he has any feelings for her I want him to be with HER !

Very cut and dry ,,, I been that way all along ,, but I want him to admit it not hide from it ....

I don't want him to D me and say well I am with her now casue you did or didn't do this or that ...

I want I am leaving casue I love someone else ....

Theres no way to speak of this subject at all ... NONE with him !

And he did want her to go way ,,,, and she very well may have but I believe that when lies are left unexsposed they WILL BITE YA BACK !

IF I see her friday and it prokes any words or a call to him I am aware that this is the end of my M ..

He made this clear and no he is not bluffing ...

He is the type to cut the nose to spite the face (spell) ....LOL ya know what I mean ...

I have to attend the trip for my kids I can not subject them to bump into her with out me there !

and I can not make them not go its my D's first trip with the school she is excited ...

I just think if he Divorces me its pretty funny to tell people why .....

OH I had to D my W casue she told my ex mistress that we are together <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

Hey 3!

This is crazy!

Here's the way I see it I guess:

1) You are the one going on the trip, not him.
2) If it's appropriate, I think you have every right to mention that you and your H are back together. Especially if she tries to give you or your kids any crap.

After all

<blockquote>quote:<hr />NOPE he does not want her hurt ,,, YES I even know he swore to her no matter what happens he would never ever even if I was last women standing get back with me ,,,, I know she wanted him to sware to that and SHE told him NEVER TELL ME YOUR WITH YOUR W !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
<hr /></blockquote>Your H won't be *breaking his promise* because you'll do the telling, not him.

It's just crazy 3. How could she not know that you two are back together? Wouldn't she have *heard* this by now?

I can't imagine that your H would be this stubborn over something that you need.

What's up with that?

Good luck with this.

Take care.

sss

3,

Just a minute...... this upcoming event, the school field trip..... this is not his doing nor is the chance encounter with the OW within his control. So why are you getting all worked up and throwing the D around?

Is he back to being your H or in the xws mode? Please reconsider your options here:

1. Accompany your child to the field trip. Knowing the OW c/b there. Can you handle it? Would you even recognize her? How will it impact your child and the rest of the students and others?

2. Have you and your H go on the field trip, same consequences as #1.

3. Make other arrangements for your child that day and don't send them on the field trip.

Remember this is where you and your H need to work together. Big trigger for you and c/b for him also. If you attack each other, you will lose your support.

JMHO,
L.

Orchid , D is not the option I brought up ,,, It was his words , that if if she should even say hi to me I am to not breath a word or if she asks about H I am to say nothing about us being together ....

NO options ... KIDS will go on the trip , DD is so happy about this she is picking out cloths already and matching hair ribbons ....

AND you are right he did not control this situation nothing to do with it ,,, it is a one in 1000 shot this would happen ...

We are not from the same borough about 27 miles apart ...

I am not prepared to see her , low swlf esteem in the looks department and she is Beutiful .

H is not going and I would not want him to ,,,
for this reason alone he would talk to her and woud deny us infront of our kids if he had to .

sss,,, yes he is stubborn he has change alot of this , except with this ISSUE ...

And no we do not travel in the same or simalar circles ...

please keep this coming I want H to read some of these responses ...

3

Hey 3, What a golden opportunity! It's just a shame you can't just put some whip-a$$ on her after a PTA meeting or something instead of possible meeting at your kid's field trip.

I say GO--IF you can keep your emotions in check. No nasty confrontations in front of the children, please. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> But if you're confronted, quietly and nicely, inform her of the present situation and how happy you are about it--and walk away. If your H has to Divorce you over that--then damn it, so be it. Mine threatened to divorce me if I called OW. I did it anyway and he didn't divorce me (yet--anyway) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I can't understand your husband's resistance to her knowing y'all are back together. If it's something he told her to make her feel better about him jumping ship, by now it shouldn't matter. What SHOULD matter is what you need from him to finally settle it in your heart and mind that he is where he wants to be. I don't understand his withholding that from you.

Anyway, I know what a strong person you are--you can handle this in the way you feel that's right when the time comes. I have no doubt about you at all.

If Mr. 3 reads this--3 hasn't really asked for much--except that FOW know that you are home with your family. If you're afraid that 3 will find out things she doesn't know now and will blow up, just think what could happen if she found out somehow anyway and you had not conceded that one very important point for her. It could be a very important move in your recovery--let 3 contact FOW, tell her you're home. YOU don't have to have contact with her (OW) and 3 gets what she needs. End of problem!

You guys have come too far. There needs to be no more secrets. {{{{{Hugs to ya both!}}}}}

PS - I did answer your thread before last--after about 2 weeks--Sorry <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> It was a depressing update, which is why I don't post a lot--don't like to bring anyone's spirits down and I guess I'm just tired of trying to think of solutions for me & H that get poo-pooed on! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I'm sorry, 3, but this does not seem to be a matter to POJA about. Let me see if I have this clear:

He left OW 17 months ago and, at that time, told her he was not coming back to you, "even if you were the last woman on earth." She asked him to never go back to you and he promised he wouldn't.

And he's trying to uphold that promise at the expense of his children going on a field trip?

I do not like the sounds of this at all. He sounds like a cornered rat and he's panicked that the broom is about to come down on his head.

The ONLY truly logical reason he would not want you to bump into her and her to find out you and he are back together is, well, because he is still seeing her and lying to her about being with you.

She thinks he's her man and he doesn't want her to find out the truth! And he sure as heck doesn't want you to find out the truth, either.

I just can't wrap my brain around it any other way. He can't claim to be a man of his word, because we already know he isn't. He violated his marriage vows to you. So why should he hold up this silly promise he supposedly made?

I think this is where you put your foot down. I would not deny my child the chance to go on this field trip, nor deny myself the delight of going with them. And I certainly wouldn't lie to OW about my healing marriage, if she dared to approach me at the event and asked me.

That's HIS problem, not yours.

~ Snow

Go on the field trip! It's great that both you and OW want to spend time with your respective kids. Don't let her ruin it.

First of all, it's a small world. Chances are at some point you're going to have some contact eventually. Might as well do it in a controlled environment.

2) Do you have any friend going with her kids on that trip who knows the score and would be supportive. Always nice to have somebody cover your back.

3) Hopefully, you've clued your school into the general situation. For my youngest, it was an email to her teacher saying things hadn't been right between her dad and I recently. Could teacher please be watchful and give D a little extra tenderness and understanding.

4) Great opportunity to take to moral high ground. I'm sure you're a great mom.

5) Who knows, maybe you'll never even see her. You could be in separate theaters or at different times. I've gone on field trip where I've never even seen kids from the same school, same grade, same activity and we were all suppose to be at the same place.

Stiff upper lip. Head held high. Smile on face. Be there for your kids.

I know she wanted him to sware to that and SHE told him NEVER TELL ME YOUR WITH YOUR W !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wonder ... is it possible OW mentally unstable?

Pep

the fact that he is still willing to sacrafice you and the kids for her or even his own selfish comfort scares the crap outta me! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

you, your marriage and the kids should always be number one....period. ther is no poja on that.

Maybe this will help, maybe not.

The FOW & I are in the same military family support group because our H's are deployed together in the same unit. (she started dating, then married my H's best friend as the A ended).

When I realized I'd be seeing her a couple times a month for the deployment year, I said I wanted no part of the support group...but yet, the group is for my support too.

So, this is what a FORMER WS (my H) says, "I trust you to do whatever you need to do. If you want to go, go, if you don't want to go, don't."

He knows I hate her. But, with that kind of trust on his part, I've behaved beautifully. She hasn't, but then, I didn't expect anything good from her.

Your H hasn't mastered the "former" part of being a WS.

If he divorces you because you go on the trip and speak to the OW, he probably would have bolted at some point. He's just picked this issue, and not a neutral issue, loyalty to the OW and not to you.

Go on the trip, speak to whomever you wish.

Her existence/affair/wrongdoing should not limit your activities with your children...and really, none of your other positive activities.

Your husband is in the wrong.

sounds crazy, but I've heard of WS's who have given the OW some wild story/excuse on why they had to move back home just so they can keep thier options open with the OW...like the BS has some debilitating(sp) disease...one guy even told his OW that his BW committed suicide and he had to move home to take care of the kids...

and yes, most of the OW believe these things <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ...until they find out for sure that he was lying to them...sad but true..

maybe this is what is happening here with your WS and his OW...if so, I say go to this thing and let the chips fall where they may...

3isa...God knows I adore you...

all right I'm gonna ramble this out....

your husband like most people in affairs create two universes...

the one universe of who they are with their spouse

the one universe of who they are with the OP...

agreed???

With the OP...lets say most or a lot of the talk..
is based on fantasy..
without the reality of their actions...

agreed??

With the OP...they tell all kinds of lies...
With the BS they tell all kinds of lies...

agreed?

OP gets the perfect fantasy WS...and yep I get that it's not perfect...and that there is drama and emotion between the WS and the OP..enough for them to scream it's real....
but it's not HONEST and REAL...big difference...

We know from you that you view hubby as a big cover his own a@@ type of guy...
BUT
I also wonder if sometimes this label you give him blocks your vision of him trying to do the right thing.....not necessarrily in this case...but you see evey move on his part in relationship to the OW as him protecting her...and throwing you to the wolves....
and sometimes I wonder if some of this is not your own subjective perceptions and you can't see that he really is doing it to protect you...and that you can't give him credit when due cause you can't see it....and there for he does slip somewhere in between all three motivations..

protecting HER
protecting YOU
protecting HIMSELF <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

could it be that his embarassment and shame of what type of man he was...with her
the lies he was capable of ...
that he is sooo afraid to be real with her ...because he never was real with her...is part of his stumbling block...

we here always say that ACTIONS speak louder than words...

she KNOWS what type of person he is not because of his words (lies) but because of his actions...and his last 17 months of actions are with YOU..

YOU YOU YOU>...
ain't nothing no one could SAY to her that she don't already KNOW....

all she ever got from your husband..(was
play the superman man music here...)

dunt-dunt-dah!!!!!!

SUPER WS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
a man with a mask
a man who speaks with forked tongue
a man lost who continues painful actions to his wife and self...and her...casue he can't face the real him.....

and you..
good and or bad...

get
REAL 3ISAHUSBAND!!!

the one with real emotions
the one who shows all the ugliness as well as the goodness...
the one who somewhere deep knows what he almost lost in losing YOU..and 3isa...I know you only through this forum...and think you are one awesome person...and I get this from posts...and he LIVES with you....

is he reacting sooo irrationally from his own fear..

fear of facing who he was with her..
liar liar pants on fire...

fear of facing the hurt...because he really spends his time and energy facing that with YOU>..

fear of losing YOU...
all tied up in some irrational knee jerk reaction when he even thinks of her...

ARK

Hey 3,

What I would have said has been well covered by everyone else ('cept they said it a whole lot nicer than I would have <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ). You do what you need to do to help get past this, because H sure doesn't seem to want to help in that department! And if H chooses to D over this, then may the doorknob strike his posterior upon his exit.

Gotta go feed the little one...

I'm with the other poster who thinks he may still be in contact with her---

which could be why he says "if there is contact it will mean Divorce"

He knows you check all of the old ways of communication--so he won't necessarily use those--
but does he ever have business in her area? Is it possible he see's her more often than you realize
after all he lied and hid it from you before--

I would go and have fun with my children--now I wouldn't go out of my way to speak to her, however, IF she came up to ME--I wouldn't walk away from her--

I am over whelemed with the responses thank you very much my threads seem to die very fast here lately ...

Just to make clear some points again :

SNOW- H is back home 3 years in FEB. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
There was contact for 17 months with him HOME !
running and proving to OW that he left her NOT to come back to me (sick I know) She would call and he would jump to prove he was not home (total horror)
The past 17 months have been where N/C is in place .

I think same as you that it has to be that he still has contact with her ,,, BUT I can find nothing to confirm that ... HIS actions do not show it ...
As ORCHID would say he acts like my H not WS . <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Only when it comes to these IF situations ...MAKE SENSE!

Dream - yes he told some wopper storys most witch he told me he was doing ,,, all to get rid of her his way and not tell her he was home <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

HC- yes big world , my kids and hers are NOT in same school at all ,,, THEY ARE in titally different schools ... we may or may not even cross paths !

LOR- I see what your saying , about not mastering the "FORMER" PART ... BUT its only at this issue .

ARK - yes I see the three PROTECTIONS except its more like : HIMSELF,OW, THEN KIDS, W (4)

Yes he does not like the side of him , the things he did the lies he told ,,, they where extreme even for him . All the ways he has explained it to me .. IT was a freindship with a NEDDED person he felt sorry for ,, things sucked at home ,,, and BOOM ,he felt screw it I will run and through myself into helping this OW ...

Along the way things where slipping out of his reach and she was falling more and more in love with him ,,, HE DID promise everything to someone who had nothing ,,, HE was the "KISA "

All this has pasted for the most aprt he is very differant , he is more agreeable , appraochable , communicates better ,, takes care of kids , is very affectionate (hugs cuddles ) SEX still not there ,, ...

I am ARK trying to keep eyes open ,see the good in the things he does .trying very hard to see the protection thing ...

BUT again ,,how others veiw him has always meant more then how I may veiw him WHY? cause he feels that I KNOW HIM BEST ,, I except him ,,,

IF I see OW and she approachs me or kids thats when he fels the calls will start , and D was thrown around because he says he WILL NOT TELL HER !
I feel if she calls and he gets caught off gaurd and denys being with me it will be worse that she will then from that moment start calling cause she sees again NO NEED TO STOP if hes with me !

And yes I have thought about the fact that she may know hes home and thinks (or was told it was for the kids) so they still contact one another leaving his options open to be with her if we should fall apart ,BUT honestly and I know it happens ,, but he is home with me all the time very rear if he is not ..
can they talk from pay phones at work YEP ,can they steal a lunch hour YEP ,,,
BUT I can not control that know way of knowing .

WOULD that kind of relationship satisfie OW ? I don't know ,, at this point maybe just to get even with me or to shove it up my A$$ ..

BUT she wanted it all ,,, the apt, kids, the FAMILY life !

And he gave her some of it thats what killed her , he wouldn't give the kids, the bills, the FAMILY , freinds, nothing ,,, other than the promises in words !

H says he will read some tonight , I want him to but am nervous ,,, He can be so arogant and things he may say here might turn alot of people off ... FOR one he still thinks this was not a tipical A ,,,(no beating me up LOL) He still feels people do not understand THIS WAS DIFFERENT ................................

ALL the thanks in the world to every one I really need to just get through this last issue , and if there is contact at least that would be easy to understand why all the pieces of recovery are not lining up !
3

TRose - must have been responding at same time .
I addressed this and yes could very well be I am not ruling that out cause this does not make much sense ...

LUV - I forgot to add what little one ??? Is there a new addition and you did not e-mail about the good news ,,, IS there a BABY girl in our presents ??? CONGRATS !!!!!!!!!

TO4T -- WOMEN you can not keep running away from me like this I need your humor ! and Any other problem you want to spill ,,, ???

As you can see MB can't get rid of me I will keep posting if I have to even if its the same thing sometimes <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
I to am slow learner ,, keep truckin women !

BUT wheres MY MISSM ??? IS she sick of me and my head case delemas ??? LOVE YA MISSM !

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> I did email you the day I got home from the hospital! I noticed after I sent it that it had a different from addy on it, so it may have wound up in spam. Email with pics on the way in a few!

Good morning 3,

I was just leaving for work and realized I never logged out last night. I'm surprised AOL didn't bump my connection off. They do it when I'm trying to work online. LOL!

Miss M has a thread near the bottom of page 1. If you haven't already seen it, I know she'd love to hear from you.

Well, I'd much rather stay here and chit-chat and spill my guts--but duty calls. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

I'll check on you and Miss M later on.

OK LUV--- I forgive ya ,,, SHE IS BEUTIFUL,,, I love the PIC of her crying LOL

I am happy to here that both of you are doing great after all that ! That sucks to only end up in c-section after all that . CONGRATS AGAIN !!

ANYONE READING LUVBIRD had a BABY GIRL NOV 21st !

TO4T- already read and responded to our wonderful MissM ... Thanks for letting me know but I found it alreay !

3,

Hey girlfriend.

What a mess! And none of it your fault. Does your H expect you to go to this event and LIE <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> to xow if she approaches you?

I don't know what is going on with him, but I would have to agree with pepper, that perhaps the ow is more psycho than your H has led you to believe, and this is his way of protecting you. I believe I emailed you on this subject.

I don't see why you should stay home or limit your life because of this, you have not asked for any of this stress that is going on right now.

I for one cannot understand why your H would threaten you with divorce if you run into xow. You are not deliberately doing this, it is a field trip for the kids for goodness sake!! I mean, what is going on with your H? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

He really is putting you between a rock and a hard place, I mean threatening you with divorce if xow finds out you are back together? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> Not a good thing to have to live with.

I would go if I were you, avoid ow if you see her, but if she confronts you, hold onto your integrity. I see no reason for you to be dishonest. It is not who you are.

I can understand your dilemma, to have divorce held over your head when all you are doing is going on a field trip with the school. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

I don't know all of your H's reasons for being the way he is on this particular subject, but it doesn't look good on him. I can understand why other people would think he was still in contact with ow.

Why is he protecting her first? Didn't she do her best to harm you, destroy marriage? Why is he so afraid she will contact him? Did he ever hear of hanging up the phone?

Anyway, I guess all I have is questions. LOL.

Luvbird, contratulations!!!! TO4T, thanks for your reply to my thread and caring about me, and I hope things are well with you. Gosh, thanks for caring about me <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Love you 3, prayers as always!

Love in Christ,
Miss M

3,

So what am I, chopped liver?

Am I a thread killer, or what's the deal?

Love ya <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Love in Christ,
Miss M

This might be the last chance I am on till I update tommorrow after trip !

I have been up every night last night the worst and I suppose tonight worse .

H is now today really showing his anxity about this ...

He wanted to let me no that OW has no problem with confrintation ,,, type of person who will kick a$$ if the mood strikes ,,, FUNNY I knew some of this but the WHIMP hasn't come for me yet !

Also she has no morals or shame ,, she would start in a group of kids <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOOSER !

I don't know if its his last effort for me to keep the kids home or what but its not working .

NO ONE at school knows of this ,,at all !

So heres what we are looking at people (me)

1-IF IF ahe sees me or kids she could get loud.
I do not think that will happen .

2- SHE will call H after the trip
a- if she does he wants to avoid all calls
b- if he takes the call I want him to tell her I am with my W do not ever call me again
c- if he lies again to her and does not admit we are together ,,, I told him I will call her imedately and tell her everything I won't be denied !
d- he will then file for D

3- nothing happens and we do not see one another and I continue to hurt every day knowing that no matter what he will avoid telling her he loves me and she was a mistake ..

Thats basicly it in a nut shell !

lastly my kids (my dd espeacialy ) are very excited and would freak out not to go !I wll not let this HO run me and my childrens life !

And no fear I would never beat her infront of my kids LOL I will suck up what ever comes my way , then file a restraning order if nessesary .

I really thoight about not going cause I do not know if my selfestemm can handle seeing this BARBIE DOLL !

MISS M never chop liver and your not a thread killer ITS me in general lately LOL

Thank you all for listening !

Hey 3,

I don't know...sounds pretty weird.

Like you said, it's almost like he's trying to keep you from going. Like OW is a pyscho.

Or,

What?

Why would he be so anxious?

Do you think there's been continued contact that he's afraid she'll tell you about?

Weird.

Ignore the OW. Stand proud. Be there for your kids.

HAVE FUN!

sss

SSS- WEIRD is one word ,,stupid, imature, selfish ,,are a couple of others,LOL

YES he is saying OW is pyshco (sp)

The doesn't bother me , I know shes alittle LOOSE upstairs (as well as down stairs LOL)

BUT again for some not she hasn't even ever called me ,, she don't scare me , nor nothing she could tell me scares me either .
If they are in contact well it would hurt but not as much the trueth would relieve me !

Do I think thats it well , less then 50% ..

I can find no evidence of that ,, but hey a OP and a cheater can find away !

A FWS can ACT and SHOW actions of faithful and very well be in CONTACT ,,,

I believe I know him well enough , I think (think)

He really wants to just get away with the lies he told her and that she went away and he feels good that way ,,,, that he got away with lieing to her .

I still say a lie will always come to bite ya in the A$$

THIS TIME I will not be the doctor fixing it <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

THANKS AGAIN !

I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, 3. I'm betting the two of you won't even run into each other. So try to relax and just enjoy the movie and the time with your kidlets.

~ Snow

Atta girl 3!

You're thinking on the right track. I hope all goes well today--and you and the kids have a great time--I'll check back tonight. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

{{{{{3}}}}}

Home from trip , kids had a nice time DD was very happy with her first bus ride and enjoyed the movie .

SON had a good time as well .

NO $LUT sighted ! SNOW , you where right didn't wasn't any where near our school if they where even there.

I can't say that I am not disapointed , I am but not about seeing her or having my kids see her, that I am greatful for ...

I am disappointed in H's continued reactions to these near "what if situations"

He called and was very happy , said to me laughingly that I sound disappointed and I told him I was .... And the reason for it ....

LIke the brick wall he is he just said ,, I don't want this crap ever back in my life ...

YOU no what I never wanted it to begin with , so how do ya think I get to feel ?

Oh well , like I said, it was great that my kids didn't deal with seeing her .

AS for me I am well aware now that , her not knowing will make me always feel second to OW .

and that H won't or can't see that as a problem that will remain for us !

I pray for a new job for him , so that when ever it is I can walk in her job and tell her the trueth ,,, and she would then have no way of contacting H ever ! so he can't say that would cause him a problem in his life !

After all why would he object once the cell and beeper is gone (from this job) unless they are in secret contact she has no way of calling him !

So until then I feel recovery is in limbo !

I want to thank you all for listening , responding and supporting me ,, I really needed it these past couple of days .. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

3

3, I must say I'm glad there was not a confrontation, but for your sake, I kinda wish there had been so you could get out what you need to get out once and for all. I'm sorry you feel second to OW because of your H's actions. I wish he could understand how that makes you feel and get off the pot and do something about it. There's got to be some compromise that both of you could agree to to get your recovery over this hurdle.

In the meantime, I'll be hoping for a new job, phone, and brain for your H. LOL!

Have a great weekend.

3, I popped in to check up on ya last night but didn't get a chance to post. Anyway, TO4T said everything I was thinking anyway, lol!

I really hope you and H can get this issue resolved soon, because it's been standing in your way for a long time now.

I've done that too, felt like I was loaded for "bear" and then nothing. But, now if you have a surprise sighting, you are mentally prepared.

3,

Understand that there is a God, who loves you and is not going to let your children witness a major situation that they will always remember. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

This was not your time. I just hope your fws gets it at some point in life.

Sorry this was so stressful for you. Sorry your H was HAPPY. AS LONG AS HE CAN LIVE A LIE. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

Sorry, 3, just not in the greatest mood. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Love you and

Love in Christ,
Miss M

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by 3isacrowd:
AS for me I am well aware now that , her not knowing will make me always feel second to OW .

and that H won't or can't see that as a problem that will remain for us ! <hr /></blockquote>Can you see your thinking error in each sentence?

You are stalling your own recovery ... see if you can spot how.

Pep

PEP- if your reading ?
Can I see how I am stalling ?

To a degree, I am confused to this issue , N/C means N/C , and that is what he is doing .

avoiding and wanting to avoid contact at any means possiable right ?

I am stalling it in a sense that I want her to KNOW he is home if the opertunity should come .

NOW he is giving me complete honesty when he says , he will not take any chances to have contact with her ,,, but the problem lyes with the WHAT IF ???

SO based on that I feel HE is stalling recovery ,by still saying he is not able to tell OW trueth IF IF it should ever happen .

ARE you saying that I should call OW and tell her ?

and that by doing so I will know that he will leave or worse won't but will then still lie to her ... and use that as an excuse that I am the one who broke N/C ?????

LIke I said all along I am confused ...

LIVING with this and moving on is something that I am sucking up and I do not feel good about that .

GIVE me your insight to how you see ME stalling the recovery . please .

Tank you .

<blockquote>quote:<hr />Originally posted by 3isacrowd:
AS for me I am well aware now that , her not knowing will make me always feel second to OW .<hr /></blockquote>A thinking error ---> predicting how your will "always feel" about yourself when determined by what someone else does ... draws you into an emotional dead end.

Are you aware that you can choose to feel superior to OW any time you wish, independent of what OW knows or does not know?

Pep

<blockquote>quote:<hr />
and that H won't or can't see that as a problem that will remain for us ! <hr /></blockquote>Your H sees a problem. His perspective is from a different angle. Therefore his solution is different than yours. Your job is to understand his perspective and his job is to understand your perspective. This can be POJA'd. But first there must be an opportunity to understand what each other's posiition is.

Try not to seek understanding so you can change his position, but to seek understanding so you can be loving and feel closer to each other.

Your solution to the problem as you see it makes your H very uncomfortable. Why is that?

Pep