Turning 40 - Marriage Builders® Forums

Have any of you noticed how many of us BS/WS are turning 40 or thereabouts. I really am starting to recognise a mid-life crisis pattern. For me, I had just turned 40, which was a tricky business without the dynamics of my WH's affair. I could no longer refer to myself as a girl - I really am a woman and, a middle-aged woman if I'm honest. I see so many poster's signatures with their age calling out 40. 39. 41. Something is going on!!

OK now, be careful!

I considered by self young when I was 40, not even close to midlife yet.

I might be middle-aged by 55. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

TT Squid went f'kin ga ga when she hit forty. The affair was only one manifestation of it ( the worst of course).

I'm still not sure if she can get over it without counselling honestly.

This is turning out to be rougher than I thought it would be. Not only am I turning 40 this year, but I have to attend a mediation session with WW on Valentines Day.

Definately NOT how I envisioned spending that day 4 months ago.

Oh yea, Feb 13th is the anniversary of our engagement as well.

It seems I have something almost every month to trigger more sadness:

January - DS B-Day
Feb - See above
Mar - I get a break
Apr - our legal anniversary (16th on the 7th)
May - DD B-Day
Jun - WW B-Day
Jul - My B-Day (40 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> )
Aug - Our Church Anniversary (16th on the 19th)

Hosea

I`m 41...my H had his A when I was 33 and d-day occured when I 36. My H is younger than I..he was 29 at the time of his ONS and 32 on d-day.

His A was NOT a midlife crisis...rather a last silly stab at adolesence <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I think you see alot of people here around 40 because at our age most of the kiddies are older and in school (we`re not chasing toddlers so we have time to be here) and many of us have at 40 have had some of the financial pressures decrease...we don`t have to work crazy hours anymore which translates again into more time to be here....AND at forty you become more interested in cerebral pursuits.

When you are 40 you have finally figured that you don`t know everything and you probally never will <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And you don`t mind admitting this.

That`s why I am here <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

What Bob said.

She had a HUUUUUUUGE problem with her 40th. Pragmatic me thinking time being an unstoppable march forward and therefore "unfixable" consoled her with a sensitive "suck it up".

She found the legitimization she required by latching onto an older (with a pesky spouse too) doctor. Therefore, in her mind, he validated her beauty and intelligence . (My armchair psychology) Confrontation of her and him was on her 40th birthday.

Note to self: "Suck it up" may be construed as a lack of compassion.

Hey TT - My W was 18 when she had her first A and I was 24... All of her A's occured before she turned 21... He** of a way to start out a marriage, huh?

I just turned 42 and my W is 36... I really don't worry about her having a mid-life crisis because we have learned how to protect our M and how to strenghten and complement each other's strenghts and weaknesses.

Semper Fi,
RIF

While Mrs. E was "only" in her mid 30's when she starting acting "goofy" we both wrote it off to a mid-life crisis as her mother had gone through a very weird time about the age of 40.

My W asked her MD about mid-life crisises and this is the explaination she was given; "most women" go through what people refer to as a mid-life crisis between the ages of 30 and 50, while some are more extreme then others during this time there is a general feeling of being lost and becasue they are lost in the world they knew they tend to search for and cling onto that which is new. Now the MD was female so I'm not sure if this is a clinical explaination or a life experience but at least in Mrs. E's case, and her mother's for that matter, it tended to make a great deal of sense.

One more thing...25 was the WORST birthday for me...my (then) MIL made a crack about me turning a whole quarter century. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

I have found that sometimes birthdays get to me and sometimes they don`t. One year I`ll been in the dumps for a birthday but the next I won`t give it a second thought.

I have noticed that when I am feeling that my life is on track and right where I think I should be (you know that scale we all have where we measure ourselves against others our age...are we married...do we have kids...do we have a house...make about the same money...drive the "right" car ect...) The birthday buzzes right by me. One more year doesn`t bother me.

However if I feel that my life is NOT where it should be...that something important is lacking...then my birthday throws me into a tailspin.

<small>[ February 07, 2005, 10:16 AM: Message edited by: Daisy37 ]</small>

Well all I'm saying is, I look at people's signatures and very often they're my age or thereabouts. I do think there's something in it. However, RIF, you shouldn't even have been married then - you were just a babe!!

There seem to be a whole other army at 50 yrs old. I can think of 4 posters at least who have faced infidelity at their half-century. I think age plays a huge part in people's self-esteem and contributes to affairs. I definitely believe it played a part in my WH's A. Age plus health problems made him feel old, so an affair spiced up his life! Not right but more common than I would have believed before MB.

My WH could hardly deal with his 50th birthday 1 1/2 years ago. Went into the blackest, quietest, nastiest mood. There was a celebration in our little burg that day and he wouldn't even attend. Instead of considering the free, outside neighborhood dance (with an excellent band) his own personal birthday party, he hid out. We had to celebrate his birthday the next day because he shutdown so much.

I really don't think he ever recovered. A month after his 51st, he gave himself permission to start his affair. A classic MLC.

My 50th is this summer and I intend to P-a-r-t-y. I'm glad to be alive, healthy, have a wonderful family, great friends, a nice life and am a self-admitted all-around good person. Because it was the only date available at the facility and NOT because (or inspite of) my birthday, my mom has setup a 3-day family reunion that starts on my birthday. I"ll be surrounded by siblings, most of whom are older an I am. No mourning for me. I'm going to have a good time.

Besides, in a couple years, 50 is going to seem so young!

add me to the about to be forty list....on the 11th of march. not sure where it all went....but am definately re-examing where i want to go with the next forty. (not sure if thats a good thing.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> )

Grapegirl, you're a star. I hope you have a fab 50th. You really have to celebrate life. It is a fantastic phenomenon ! So GG, party party party.

Note to self: "Suck it up" may be construed as a lack of compassion.

ROFL <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I know alot of women who lie about their age...I do not get that. I do not hesitate to tell anyone how old I am. I would much rather people know my true age and judge for themselves. I would rather look like an attractive well preserved 41 year old than an 36 year old with ALOT of mileage <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I take that back...I am thinking about starting to lie about my age...I am thinking about telling people I am 49 just to hear them say ``WOW!!!! You look terrific....``