WNB,
If you don't mind sharing...how is it that BOTH of you had A's AND recovered AND are now looking to spread the MB gospel? It sounds lilke a good story
I'll give you the readers digest version...
July 27, 2002 My wife told me she was in love with someone else I got the ILYBNILWU line. Rocked my world. She was in an A with a contractor that worked in her building. At this point it had been going on for about 6 months. She sent a NC letter and I sent the meanest letter I've ever written to OM. NC didn't last long. I moved out, she asked me back a little over a month later. She was waffling big time between hating me and tolerating me.
She was was "in love" with him and I stood little chance. She said coming back to me would be like going from college to kindergarden (ouch). We stayed in separate rooms and she pretty much avoided me for months. I can tell you, indifference is a lot more hurtful than hate.
In October 2002 she told me of another A in '99 with a coworker. I was such a doormat. I was holding on and waiting for her to make a decision. I basically took everything she did and there was little consequences on my part. I did expose to her family, friends and coworkers. This pissed her off and she forbade me from talking to her family. You know I actually sneaked around to make phone calls to my FIL and SIL, I can remember feeling guilty. She was still working w/ OM and was in contact via secret email and cell phone.
They were soulmates, nevermind the fact that she was married and OM was engaged.
In November 2002, through joke emails I developed a friendship with another female. She was going through a divorce and at first all we did was email. That quickly turned to phone calls. She was almost 24....almost 10 years younger than me. It felt good to have someone telling me that my W was making a mistake and how stupid she was for throwing awa such a great guy like me. Eventually we met for coffee a couple times and then to her place where we had sex.
I thought I was in love. She told me and I told her. As funny as it sounds I never wanted to leave my wife. This went on for about a month before I/we ended it. I really understood how my wife fell into the A. Up until that point I had never felt any emotions that strong. I didn't set out to have an A but I did very little to stop.
Fastforward to april 03....I had not told my wife of my A. In fact I had lied about it, stating "we were just friends." My W was still emailing and talking to OM. I had found a her secret email and she thought I was bugging the car, phones and computer. In the 4 months since my A had ended I had told a couple of people one of those people told my W. She confronted me and I confessed. She stated that she was happy because she didn't have to do "this" anymore.
I begged for forgiveness, cried and begged some more. 20 days later she got her own place and moved on base. Soon after she started dating OM and finally consumated their relationship tuning their 1 1/2 year EA to a PA.
Me, I thought our marrige was over. I sold my Sport Trac for a '96 S-10 that my parents gave me, took in a roommate at the house and set records for the amount of weight one can loose and the amount of cigarettes smoked in a day. During our separation my focused shifted from me trying to change her to changing myself. I had been heading that way with my counselor for the past few months and things were really starting to make sense to me.
One thing that was constant during our ordeal is that we kept going to church together. Some people in the church new but not many. I often talked to one of the pastors about things and he asked someone in the church to specifically pray for us.
Over the course of the next 5 months my W and I slowly started talking more often. She came to a lot of revelations about her life but I don't want to try and put her feelings into my words.
In Oct of 03 we moved back in together, went to counseling and got really honest with each other. She posted quite a bit on here for a while but the stories were too much of a trigger.
We have had amazing growth in our spiritual an marital lives so much so that the church asked us to give our testimony (in early 2004). The reaction was amazing. Many people came to us and said they had experienced infidelity in their lives but were afraid to ask for help because of how it would make them look. It was at this point the church asked us to lead a marriage ministry team. Originally the church wanted us to develop our own program but we didn't feel it was necessary to reinvent the wheel. We did a lot of research and finally landed on a program put on by Family Dynamics called Dynamic Marriage. It is an 8 week course based on HN/HN and Lovebusters and was developed by Joe Beam (his story makes most of us look like saints) with Dr. Harley's permission.
It is a great course. Our chuch sent my W and I to the facilitator training so we could teach the class. We just finished our first couse 2 weeks ago. It was amazing to to see the growth of some the couples...I'm not sure who got blessed more.
Well I guess that wasn't too condensed but most of my posts from 03 will go into even more detail.
I agree With MM on making infidelity in the military a much bigger issue than it is today. I can ensure your that I'll squash any of it from the troups under me.
God Bless
Doug