Well Its been a long haul these last 2 months. Filed for divorce last week, it only took me about 1 week to sign the starting papers. I just so happened to call the husband Saturday, at first I was ticked that his mail was still coming to house, so I called to tell him a few choice words. It started out calmly, then he asked me over, at first I was not sure then agreed, we talked for hours about all the hurt we caused each other and how he was ready to seel MC. We both had asked for what the other to do to make a go at this marriage. His only thing or I should say bug request was to sell home and move a few more miles from parents. I did agree. Mine to him was no contact and a final letter to OW, and to continue to seek MC to help us learn to communicate to each other. It was such a great talk. this time it all felt different, like both parties grew in the 2 months apart and learned that yes we don't need each other but want each other. I know it will be a long haul. for every step forward we may take 2 back. My question to anyone is simple, Any adivce?

It sounds like your expectations are pretty realistic. You have allowed some room for mistakes and growth.

Be sure to have definitive boundaries. Know up front which things are deal-breakers.

Here are a couple of links that may have some helpful information for both of you.

Bob's Newly Betrayed Spouse MB Toolkit

Tools for the Wayward Spouse

Best of luck to you in Recovery,

Froz

Well we are going on a week back together... it's been great, we talk, hold hands and are enjoying being togethr again. Had first MC together. We both enjoyed it very much. H seems so different this time around. and that meaning a good way. He really seems committed, not wishy washy. He looks forward along with myself for next meeting with MC. We are making future goals be it small as a trip to the great lakes to watch for boats, to vacation next summer. I really have a good feeling about this. Thanks to all for help and advice. I don't plan on leaving board, as it stands H wants to look this site over.

Hey all. Things are going smoothly. Can someone please explain why I'm having doubts about being back in my marriage, when it was my H that had the A? D papers are hold for 6 months, but I feeling somewhat strange, I wanted my H to come back and be togethre again, but having a hard time dealing with A. He was gone for 2 months and did things with her and he feels he needs to open and tell me every little detail so there won't be any surpises, but its killing me. Today he said something that was strange.. He told when we first got back together that OW did file, but has not turned in paper work, today he said she was still going for D. I asked if he has had contact with her he said No, having a real hard time putting this in the past, he had A once behind my back whats to say it won't happen again? We are in the process of selling house since I needed to for the D anyway, we looked at a house that was only a few houses away from her. Yikes, this bothers me.Maybe I'm being parinod, but could they be brainstorming to get from paying money when the Ds' are granted, hers will take at least 6 months since children are involed,mine only 30 days, could he be waiting to make sure she follows through with hers? I had prior plans for this week with my Daughter that would have me away from home all day and night(still in town) but can't bring myself to go for fear he will see Ow. Has anyone ever been decieced by spouse saying they want the M to work but still have plans to be with OW. Can I be having withdrawals? I was just getting my life back on track when H decided he wanted to make M work and even is going to MC weeekly. Please help me.

Hi ...just wanted to give you some support.

I have been deceived but I'm not giving up yet. He says its over, but now I need him to show me its over.

Maybe that is what you need too.

oh my gosh, I just read the part about the house near her. I would not go for that, put your foot down there. Tell him you do not feel safe and you won't move there.

Ask him to send a no contact letter: its mostly for you, that he says "I will not contact you, do not contact me any further" or smething like that.

That would be a good step.

Hope that helps..

Thank you for your advice, Before I let H move back in he wrote a NC letter that I approved and had him drive with me up to the post office and mail. The house thing bothered me too. I want to believe him its over but he told me that it was over last fall when it was not. He was honest and said he was riding the fence with both us just in case things didn't work out with me he wouldn't be alone. Gosh the more I think about this the more the hurt comes up again. Sometimes I think it would be easier to throw in the towel, but I do love my H dearly, I just hate his past behavior. It has caused a lot of pain. I hope it starts to heal soon.

dakota, even under the best of circumstances, you should watch your back. It is quite common for there to be recurrent contacts after reconciliation. Just keep your eyes open and check out every little instinct you have.

And you absolutely should not move close to the OW. That would be a huge mistake.

Are you checking on his phone calls, etc to make sure he is not in contact?