My WW and have been seperated for about 4 months. During this time we have been sharing our 2 DD. My WW has them much more than I do.

Everytime I mention I would like them more WW gets mad and says she is just doing what is best for them.

Today was one of those times. WW just gave me a new "visitation schedule" she had made. I have had them since Tue. and WW would take them on Sun. and have them for 2 weeks. Basically I have them 9 nights and WW has them about 21 nights.

I said to WW I would really like to have them through Tue. since I am off work. WW said she is trying to make this best for 2 DD. WW said DD get very mad a day or so I am to have them and again for day or so when WW gets them back.

WW said DDs need to be with her that WW is just trying to do what is best for DDs and I am just being selfish.

WW was at work(we had conversation on phone) and said she couldn't talk. WW said she will call later to discuss.

I need some advice on how to handle this conversation. I want to do what is best for DD and if this means letting them be with WW more I will let thim.

If anyone has some advice on how they handled visitation and how it seemed to work for their kids I would appreciate it.

CR

Why does the WW get to set the visitation schedule?

If the WW REALLY had the best interest in mind for the children, she would give up her A and get back to the M. Sorry, that's a bunch of hooey. Time needs to be split evenly...or at least spend MORE time with the kids, they don't need to be around the A.

ML-WW is just the planner in the relationship and each month she puts together a schedule usually around my work schedule because I work nights and some weekends.

CR

Ditto as Melodylane and SHMit:

In my case, since WS moved out (not living with OW), our 2 boys (9 & 14) alternate one week each.

Might be best to consult a lawyer re your rights as a parent.

Can I suggest that you find a new planner? Tell her you have a new "plan" and that will be for you to have the girls an equal amount of time. You are the father here, after all. Change the schedule and just send it back. You don't need her permission.

P.S. Of course, the boys would rather NOT have to do this, but they share in the consequences of WS choosing to move out to be with OW. However, WS chose not to live with OW hoping that lalaland might last longer this way (by avoiding reality of daily routine! - at least, that's what WS says. Since he's not sure what he wants, trying to live both: the single life and the family life, but that's just my opinion.

Stillhere- Thanks but that is what I have told WW. That is also why I came here b4 talking to WW. What I really want to say is that she is being selfish. If she was always just thinking of DD she would have never have started an A or was WW thinking that having sex with OM was best for DD.(that is a toned down version of what I'm afraid I would really say)

CR

Huh? Is having an affair not selfish? I can't think of anything more selfish.

Why does she think that her having the kids more than you is in the best interest of the kids? Perhaps you should visit a lawyer and find out your rights in this situation. I don't know if its a good idea having her "dictate" your visitation.

Good Luck,

Miker

I totally agree with everyone that WW has completed the most selfish act possible. A major problem is my work schedule.

I work 3 weekends a month thur,fri and sat and one week of of tue-sat. all nights. To share our DD they would be going back and forth about every 3-4 days. I don't know if this would be healthy for them. DD do need some stability.

CR

Well, if you don't think its healthy for them, then why are you asking us?

Why don't you ask the kids what they think? It does get harder coordinating with bouncing back and forth a lot but if the kids don't mind, why not?

Mike

ML- I am asking because as I stated "I don't know if it is healthy for them"

I wanted to see how others have handled visitation and how it was for the children.

CR

If you have legal counsel, I would certainly discuss this with them. But, my feeling is that your DD's should be with you as many of the nights that you are not working as possible.

My H and I were separated for 2 years starting when my DDs were 3 and 5. We did a 50/50 night time split, but I did have them every weekday. We alternated Wed night. The girls had clothes and toys at both houses, never carried anything back and forth. The girls did very well.

I am of the current belief that the crazy person should not be calling the shots for the family. And if stability is your concern, who honestly, is more stable at this time-you or your WW? You should be granting your WW ample visitation, she is the one that left the family, right? She does not have your family's best interest at heart IMO.

I have talked with a legal counselor. Unfortunately, I am in a foreign country that truly favors the mother. My WW has stated that she would want us to have shared custody.

This means we would work out visitation between us. I am afraid if we can't (which WW doesn't seem to want to) then the court will decide.

Since I am a foreigner and my work schedule varies from month to month that the court will offer WW the most favorable visitation schedule. This would possibly mean just every other weekend visition for me.

CR

Jean36-Thanks I am glad to hear it seemed to work out for your DD's moving back and forth. I am hoping to get my WW to see this. How have others handled visitation.

CR