Nothing to report here really, everything is still pretty much the same.

My H isn't calling anyone too exciting on his cell phone, there is one number I can't pin down who it is, it's unlisted, I've called it, and an older lady answers...so who knows what that means. I found that he did call OW 5 days ago on his day off....for 2 minutes.....but that is the only call to her from his cell phone I've seen....it's weird because within an hour of that phone call to OW he showed up at my work and had lunch there......he hasn't done that in QUITE a while.

I am having zero luck on the job front, but I keep trying....I have resumes out all over the place but no bites yet. I am really getting antsy, I really wanna get the heck out of dodge.....this is no good....sitting around and playing house with him doesn't really work for me.

He keeps bringing home the paper for me....to look for jobs and apartments (He doesn't know that I've been looking....I guess it's his way of saying "Get the *f* out"...but whatever).

I wish I could be writing that I'd gotten a job and that I was at the very least able to save money towards an apartment....but alas, I haven't been able to save anything...not on what I make.

I am still planning on just leaving while he's at work, and since I saw that phone call to the OW today (It was placed 5 days ago) it gives me new motivation.....I really don't know of any excuse that he'd need to talk to her....and he doesn't know I've re-hacked his cell account....so I won't be letting on that I know....not to mention, if he is beginning to feel more comfortable...maybe he'll slip up again.....

Oh who cares...I mean really.....is that what it's all about??? Is that stupid ho entertaining the idea of getting back with him??? Maybe she shut him down...as the conversation was only 2 minutes long.....

Why am I even trying to guess.....

Oh well, I'm outta here, just wanted to give you sort of a
mini-update....although nothing has really changed...

****I am still without a telephone or the internet, so I am at the public library......you only get 60 minutes of time on here...I don't know if that's per day, or what, but I had some time to burn, so I figured that I'd swing by and at least say *Hi* to you.

I hope everyone is well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren

HI Care,

Glad to hear that you are ok, even if not great! I thought that you moved in with your mom..

Yeah, know about that "playing house"... kinda what goes on here. That is why I don't post anymore!

Good Luck,
jls

So sorry Caren. You know if you move out he will try to get you back. He just dosen't know what eh wants. He always plays with you Caren. How about a job farther away from where you now live? Maybe you could ck it out? If H knew you had one within a driving distance he'd help you enough to at least get there. I am finally getting busy after a whole year. I plan on saving money to run with myself. Good luck kid. You deserve so much better. How about a womans crisis center?

Well still looking for a job....no luck yet.

His bank statement came in the mail today....and lo and behold there is a charge on there to Anthony Thomas Candy.....where the OW works.....awwwww isn't that sweet, are we going in there and buying [email]candy....b@stard!!!![/email]

Have I said anything?? NOOOOOOO I'm not saying a word.....he is going to be left high and dry. Bought the prepaid cellphone, which will be his only means of communication with DD10 once I leave.

I was going to rent a house with a friend....that didn't pan out.....so now we're back to trying to get my other friend to let me move into her basement....just until I can save up enough money for my own little hole in the wall.

It's really hard to just act like nothing's wrong.....just be my cheerful self.....just still making him dinner....playing house.....it's BS actually.

He gets really irate when he doesn't know where I am though....what's his deal, he stops by my work to have lunch.....wants to know what I'm doing at all times......wants to have sex with me on a quite regular basis.....BUT still wants a divorce...well a dissolution...which I will not be signing.

*sigh*

Anyone have a rich Uncle that died that wants to adopt me and 2 kids??? LMAO

-Caren

No rich uncle, Caren.

If Patriot and I won the lottery (a group ticket on the Kansas powerball at his office), I told him I wanted to send you money so you could leave.

I'm sorry we didn't win.

I'm also sorry for your situation.

So sorry Caren - he wants you and then dosen't. My WH treated me the same way wanted Sf yet had OW. My son told me to use WH as a sex toy. It sure helped me. Maybe that will help you too. Do not sign that dissolution, I am worried about you. Take care.

Hey Caren -

I am sorry to hear you are still stuck in limbo. Just picture yourself and your little ones in a beautiful new apartment...the sun brightly streaming in through the windows...no WH for miles...you and your children laughing together over some funny cartoon in the newspaper...

Now hold that image in your mind...and keep it there when you feel down. Start to know...I mean really know without a shred of doubt...that this will come to pass before you know it. In fact, consider it already a done deal, it is simply a matter of following the necessary steps that lay before you, and allowing time to pass.

If you keep this objective in the forefront of your mind, it will have no choice but to come true.

A disclaimer: I do believe in God and Christ, but I also believe in the power of the mind vested into us by Him. You can achieve goals that seem impossible by simply focusing your thoughts on what then becomes inevitable. It has no choice but to occur.

TM

Caren,

Good to hear from you. Sorry he is still being such an [censored]. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

As for the library, it's 1 hour intervals. If no one else is there you can always sign up again.

Have you tried you local state employment office? How about Hotjobs.com, monster.com, dogpile.com or careerbuilders.com? Those are one's you can apply on-line. Some newspapers put their ads on those listings as well.

Call your local schools and see if there are any openings.

take care,
L.

Caren,

I am a waitress, and believe me, if you have the skills, you can do much better than your current job, although you seem to think this is it. If you are good, you can get much better employment at a better house.

Come on girl, you can do it. I got the good shifts, and have been at this for 10 plus years, and I put food on the table, paid rent, and did whatever I had to do. You can make upwards to 20.00 to 30.00 and hour, depending on how hard you want to work.

PLEASE take care of yourself and kids, I am praying for you.

Back to lurking.


Love in Christ,
Miss M

Thank you all for your concern.

Miss M....it's really the city I live in, the tips are crappy, also I need to find a job with insurance.

I haven't given up...

He came home last night and said "Oh, I won't be home Saturday or Sunday night" I said "What are you doing?" He said "I just have some things to do" I said "Okay.....well I am dropping DD10 off at Mom's Saturday night and find something to do" He said "No you're not!" I said "Yes, actually I am" (She's been getting bad grades in school....so he's using the excuse she shouldn't go anywhere until her grades are up) He said "YOU HEARD ME" I got up and went and took a shower, did the dishes....he went to bed. I did some laundry and then came to bed, where he was watching TV....I watched a little TV, then rolled over to go to sleep.......he said "You're not taking DD10 to your Mom's" I didn't reply....He said "Did you hear me?" I said "Uh-huh" and didn't say anything else.

I am working a double today, I'm on my break right now....at a friend's house using the computer.....I told him I'd be dropping DD10 off at the pet shop for him to watch her.......he said "No you're not" I said "Yes, I'm afraid I am" He said "I can't be having her at work" I said "Well you said that when we are divorced and you had her on your weekends that you'd have her at work with you all weekend, so why is it not okay now??" He didn't answer.

Sooooo I will be showing up with her at his work about 4:30.....and I WILL be taking DD10 to my Mom's tommorrow night....I know he's afraid I'm going to find someone else....he's so twisted.

-Caren

Caren just go out Sat night and do not go home until late. I have gone to the library and just read sometimes. Let him wonder what is up. The shoe on the other foot for a change. Where does he get the idea that he can order you around. I stt=ood my ground finally and told WH do NOT bully me. He has stopped since I have stated this to him a few times.

Well since I told him that I was going to go out Saturday night, since he had mysterious plans.....suddenly the plans became less mysterious....he was taking some animals from the pet shop to his bosses church, some halloween thing......he was home by 7pm, he made sure to tell me this, because he didn't want me going *out*.....so I did have my Mom watch DD10, but it was earlier in the afternoon, because my DD20 mentioned to my Mom that she'd like to spend some time alone with me.....so we went and got something to eat and did some window shopping....we had fun.

He called the living crap out of me all day Saturday, then he called me when he was on his way home from the church thing and suggested that DD10 and I be ready when he got home and we'd go and rent a movie.....so that's what we did, and he was all lovey dovey.

I swear, he's such a freak......the second he thinks I am going to do something without him, he's all over me like white on rice.

I am still continuing to look for other jobs, and for apartments that are reasonable, my plans are just in limbo for the time being....so I am just sorta Plan Aing...just so things with be tolerable (Not full blown plan A, but no angry outbursts or DJ's just because I've pretty much decided that those are futile no matter what your goal is).

Marriage builders has taught me a great many things, one of the most important though is to engage my brain before I open my mouth....something I have always had difficulty with in the past...lol <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

I'm not depressed anymore over the state of my marriage, I know that whatever God's will is, is what will happen. I am still trying hard to be that Proverbs woman. And I am feeling better and better about myself.

These affairs have a way of taking the wind out of your sails, and I felt ugly and unlovable for a long time, but I don't feel that way anymore.

Here's a funny little side note. My 20 year old took the my other 2 DD's to a Halloween store which happens to be located in the same shopping center as H's pet shop and OW's candy store that she manages......well they come home, and I'm in the bathroom...and all three of them come bounding in there and said "Guess who checked us out at the Halloween store?!?!?" I said "Ummm I have no idea" They said "SHANNON!!!" (OW) I said "Well that's weird.....". Well my DD10 had met OW before any of this A crap happened because she'd spent some time at her Dad's shop, and DD20 used to work with her at the candy store....but DD13 had never laid eyeballs on her before and she said "EWWWW, she's UGLY! And she smelled like cat pee and old lady" LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!! Then she said "He must like little girls, because that's what she looks like." (She's not young.....just very petite, wears no make up, wears her hair in a ponytail) It was funny......especially the comment on the way she smelled!!! And I'm sure she was incredibly uncomfortable with all 3 of my daughters standing in front of her!!! Ha ha!

It makes me wonder though.....if she's the manager of this candy store...why on earth would she be moonlighting at the halloween store?!?!?!.....I know that one of their locations shut down...perhaps the company is having financial trouble........that would be poetic justice since they didn't feel that their manager's affair with my husband was any of their concern...that it was a "private matter".......Well, the Lord works in mysterious ways.....and karma has a way of biting you in the [censored] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Happy Halloween <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren

Caren -your WH is just trying to control you and keep you off balance. He doesn't want you yet does not want anyone else to at the same time. It is strange behavior to say the least. I am so glad you have learned so much and you know what it works too. I have learned that if I am not happy to look inside and ask myself so pointed questions and to set my boundries and stick with them.

Caren,

You are doing so well. I know that at times you feel like everyone knows you are just hanging on, but you are really taking back your sense of self. Get rid of that picture that WS's get us to paint (and believe) of ourselves and you jump start personal growth.

Caren--my h is the same way. doesn't want me but doesn't want me with anyone else--was out til 1:00 two Saturday's ago at a friends--he didn't hear me come home--so I heard check on me at about 6:00 the next morning then he came and snuggled with me but he is till done and moving out this week supposedly.

Hi All-

At the local library again. Nothing much has changed...same crap, different day.

We got in a slight altercation last night....I didn't yell or anything like that, but I was a little upset at the fact that he has NO appreciation for anything I do (and I do EVERYTHING at that house), he said "Caren, you don't have a leg to stand on." I said "What do you mean?" He said "You can't complain about anything around here.....you don't have a leg to stand on." I said "And why is that? Because you are *allowing* me to live here?" He said "This is my house......and my rules, and you have no say what goes on here" I said "Oh, okay"....then he started drilling me about why I don't have another job yet......why don't I apply here....why haven't I done this or that, I'm not even trying to get another job because I want to stay there with him......(That's a laugh).

So I went to sleep, and this morning he had a big ole attitude, which I ignored and told him to have a good day....and I left already showered and dressed for work when I took the kids to school.....he said "Why are you ready already?" I said "Because I don't have to gas to come back into Columbus (Where we live) after I take the kids to school, I'm going to have to stay in Grove City." (I think he believes I'm sneaking around with someone else.....such a dork...lol).

Well that's my fabulous life....how's everyone else doing???

-Caren

Hey....nothing new to report, just checking in.

I found out that my Mom isn't having Thanksgiving, which means that I'll have to make it at home...which is okay I guess, but her timing kinda sucks (per usual). Oh well...such is life.

I'm hanging out at the library....they're probably sick of seeing me...lol, TOO BAD. I never have a problem getting a computer here though, so that's cool.

The only thing that sucks is the FOW lives like a block from here....so that kinda messes with me. But then again, DD10's school is only about 3 blocks from the FOW's house....so I have to deal with that twice a day. As a matter of fact, I have passed her several times, and also yesterday, I was behind her almost the whole way to DD10's school. I flipped out a little bit....I started using my cell phone and trying to get someone to talk to me, because I felt like "What do I do?!@?!?!"....well there was nothing "To do" ......we both live in the same city, I suppose that's gonna happen every now and then....so anyway, she didn't even so much as look in her rearview mirror at me......maybe she didn't see me, but I think she most likely did, and was probably just as creeped out as I was....nothing came of it.

I guess I'm sort of plan Aing....for lack of another option, I still cook and clean and we still have SF, so you never know, once I go to my amended *Plan B* maybe he'll miss me. I know I can actually do it this time. I think it'll be a lot less hard than it was before. I'm so much stronger now, and I understand what Plan B is now....I finally get why it's *for me*....I think the only thing I'll have trouble not doing is the snooping thing....that'll be hard for me, I've been doing it for so long.

Well that's really all I have today....I hope everyone is doing well <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren

P.S. Started going to my Dad's church last Sunday, I think I like it. They just built a new church, so I'm hoping that it'll attract more people my age (most of the people are a lot older.....same with my previous church). It would be nice to be able to participate in some church activities with people close to my age. I do like the minister though, I am going to Sunday school and church service....I like Sunday School better I think, because I'm learning, and I know I have a lot to learn. It'll be easier to do more at the church once I move out....I live kinda far from it right now, but I plan on moving pretty close to it.

Interesting.....I must say.....well, I guess this is "one" way to do it.

"Wow" is all I can say.

Lem <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Plan Aing = trying to meet WH ENs in order to save M.

Avoiding LBs = respectful, polite behavior -- recommened for interactions in any relationship.

I think it is REALLY important to distinguish between these two totally separate concepts.

You mention you are in a modified Plan A--does this mean you are trying to save your M?

OR are you just trying not to LB in order to keep the peace while you find a job and move out on your own?

It would seem really important to me to better define your plan. You seem like you are acting and reacting to WH behavior, as opposed to having a CLEAR PLAN. Be honest with yourself: If you DONT really want out, then move in that direction--work on your M. If you DO really want a D, then move in that direction (no SF, no meeting ENs, just your part of the household business....and on to your own business).

Thinking you want out but then acting like you are staying is a good recipe for not going anywhere healthy or positive.

And frankly, I agree with Lemonman....I am flabberghasted that you are still having SF!! You ALWAYS have the option not to SF! ALWAYS!!!

Well, I am moving out, but only because what other choice do I have? My H maintains that he wants a *D*. I am going from this modified Plan A....to a modified Plan B (These are modified only because there is no longer an OW). My H thinks that we'll get divorced and that we'll still be friends and probably thinks he'll be able to stop by and get SF whenever he feels like it, and has actually mentioned divorcing and getting remarried. So I am going to show him exactly what divorcing me is going to be like....I am going to go dark.....I'm not even sure I'm putting anything in the Plan B letter, about what he has to do in order to save this relationship....I think we're past all that...but I do have quite a long list of things he does have to do.

I remember one time in particular when I was upset because he was talking divorce again, I was crying and I said "We were supposed to grow old together" He said "Caren, we're not old yet........" So for some reason he leaves this door open.

He found my HNHN book on tape and got all upset and asked me what it was, and then went into this tear "Now I see what's going on...." I said "What's going on?" He basically still thinks everything is about him, he thinks I'm purposely not trying to get a job, so I can stay there with him...etc, etc. Which is completely UNTRUE, I've been applying everywhere...he actually had the balls to say "You're not doing anything to improve yourself" (By which he means getting a better job so I can move out). I said "Do you honestly believe this is about me staying with you?" I said "You don't know me at all, to think that I would settle for THIS?!" He thought I was talking about the house....he said "What's wrong with this?" I said "I'm not talking about the house, I'm talking about this relationship, do you really think this is what I signed up for, 'cause it's not"

I so wanted to tell him what I'm planning, but I knew that would take the shock value out of it, so I won't do it. I've been calling apartment places, trying to find somewhere big enough that is in my price range.

As for still having SF with my H......I never have had a problem having SF with him.....even during the *A*...I wasn't the one in the wrong, he's MY husband. And he's still my husband, and I have SF with him when I want to, if I don't want to I don't. I'm not having SF just to keep the peace, I enjoy it also....AND, regardless of what happens with my marriage....I won't be having SF for quite a while, so I'm sorta getting it while I can. (Does that make sense??) I know it doesn't sound like a *chick* thing to do.....but again, I am not in the wrong by having sex with my husband.....and the bonus is....it's just another thing for him to miss about me when I'm gone.

I hope that answers your questions. I do want to save my marriage, but at this point it's really more up to him than me.....I've done just about all I can to save it, and this Plan B is my last ditch effort.....it'll either work out, or he'll file for divorce, I still don't plan on having any kind of active role in the divorce. I don't believe in it, so I won't have anything to do with it....if he wants it, he can file on me. But either way, I've done all I could do...maybe not always in the right order....and I've slipped up more than once. But I don't believe that this Plan B is the end of my story......it's only the beginning.

-Caren

Caren, Caren, Caren...

Your modified Plan As and modified Plan Bs are the same ol' thing.

Of course you'll settle for the relationship you have, because its obvious by your ACTIONS that you already are.

We've heard this all before, so why are you so incredulous that your H or anyone else won't value these words you repeat over and over?

Caren, if anyone is in a fog, its you. Wake the heck up. You've allowed yourself to be stuck in victim mode for so long, you can't even see where YOU ARE RESPONSIBLE for your situation.

EVERYTHING is up to you, Caren. Stop copping out of this and laying the blame on your WH.

I'm not blaming anyone....so not sure what you're talking about. And I have made plans to end all of this, it's the implementing that I have trouble with.

I don't feel like a victim, I feel like me again, and I'm just biding my time.

I know it's all up to me, I've known that for a while now. By the way, as I stated in my previous post....the only reason my plans are *modified* is because there is no OW anymore....so it's not like I'm trying to *Break up* the Affair....I already did that.....so what would you call it, if not modified?!

Also in my preceding post, I said that saving the marriage was really more up to him than me, and I stand by that. I've done everything in my power to save it....to no avail. He's never had to do without me, I don't think he believes he ever will....even if he divorces me. So I am going to take myself out of the equation.

A friend is going to loan me some money to move out, I have been speaking to apartment complexes, and I have been sending out resumes like crazy.

I don't see how exactly I was copping out of anything....or laying the blame on anyone. I generally come on here and just type what is going on with me on any given day. I don't do it so you guys will feel sorry for me, it's just a release, and I do enjoy getting the feedback.

I think I'm a reasonable person....I know I have issues, but I think I'm working through them nicely. And as I have stated on numerous occasions...I am only at that house with my H because I lack other options....if there were another option, I'd have taken it a long time ago.

-Caren

Hi Care,

I always stop in and check on you. I also did not understand where everyone was coming from with their reponses, at first. I think that it may be the contact your H has had with the OW (buying candy, I think). That is a sign that he may have never really stopped contact - Don't they still work in the same mall? Don't you think that he really could still be having an A, at least an EA? And you know what they say about ANY contact...

That was what I gathered about the sudden heated posts, or perhaps they are just fed up with you (esp SF, you know how Sourguy feels about STDs and your H probably was never tested). Only speculation on my part, I don't know what anyone else is thinking, sometimes I don't even know what I am thinking. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

I really do understand what it's like to be poor, maybe that gives me a little more understanding for you Caren. But don't let it scare you too much, your backbone is showing, I can tell you are tough.

Good Luck,
jls

Yes, getting tougher by the day. I should be receiving the loan from my friend within the next few weeks.....and then, as they say......it's ON. I will be moving out of there....and I will be in Plan B.

It doesn't *bother* me, per say, when people nail me like that, it just confuses me. I am doing everything in my power to rectify my situation, and I don't feel as though I am a victim. I am, for the first time, in a long time, taking control of my life.

And as I said before......I will be having SF with him up until the day I move out......not for him, FOR ME. I am married, so therefore I won't be getting SF from anyone else, that would be against my morals as a Christian.....so it's probably going to be a LONNNNNNNG time before I get SF again, once I move out....just trying to get *caught up* <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

-Caren