My DD is 18 today. She was born nine minutes ago, eighteen years ago.

My job is over, in the capacity that I have known it to be thus far. I didn't want it to be over. I don't want everything to change.

Why is it that every time I begin to get my bearings, everything just changes again?

I'm not ready for this, but I don't exactly have a choice. I wish I could go back in time, eighteen years ago and fix every mistake I made - every bad choice I made that affected her so severely.

I went up to her school just now. I took her about a billion pink and cream roses and I just wanted to be holding her at 1:43 pm. I promised myself I wouldn't cry, but I did anyway. I'm glad she wasn't embarrassed.

Her teacher told me that she was so glad to meet me because she had been wanting to tell me how beautiful and special my daughter is. I know it's true and I also know that it is in spite of me and not because of me. There is no way that it could be because of me with all the bad choices I've made.

I don't want her to grow up.

{{{{{Froz}}}}}

mine is 16, i can't imagine watching her graduate HS and go off to college.

i've made a lot of mistakes too, however, if there is one thing i pride myself on is the mothering i have done towards her. i didn't do as good for my DS who is 4yrs younger and who came after we lost a different child.

my love for her could not be stronger, it has always been that way. 99% of the time, her moods do not get to me, i just want to help her feel better. when needed i can easily give her space and then she always ends up coming to me. we have such a great bond. i cannot imagine her not being in my house!!!! we are best friends.

ok, now i'm going to cry!!!

I'm crying. I'm not gonna hold it back. My DS is 16, too FLT2M.

Sometimes I think teendom is harder on moms and dads who can still look at their young'uns and see the babies they were.

I still look at Z and see the towheaded baby boy....not the almost 6 foot hairy giant towering over me.

(((FROZ)))

I don't know your story very well. But I have a friend who's a total mess. Married and divorced twice. Drinks too much (probably an alcoholic) and snorts too much coke. Ran around on her second husband like crazy. Maybe her first too, I didn't know her then. She may very well be the queen of bad choices. But she's also intelligent, and a hard worker, and fun, and loves her kids fiercely. I don't know her son well. But her daughter, who's now 21, is a GEM!

My friend also says it's "despite" her, not "because" of her. But I don't completely buy it. Sure, my friend made many, many mistakes. But her daughter always knew that she was loved. And I think, on some level, she has even learned from her mother's mistakes.

So don't beat yourself up. Enjoy her. Look forward to the new type of relationship you can now have with her -- as friends.

And thank you, thank you, thank you for reminding those of us with little ones not to take these years for granted!

Congrats to you Froz ... you raised a good person.

2 years ago, my Mom knew she was dying and would not see our daughter's 18th B-day. Mom wrote out a message to our daughter in a card (it's sealed, I don't know what it says) and I am to give her the card when she turns 18 ... along with one of Mom's diamond rings .... Our daughter has no idea this is going to happen ... I cry just thinking about this ... sorry ~~~~~~~~

but I know I must be grateful that Mom had the opportunity to give our daughter one last message of love and support posthumously ~~~ but I wonder if my heart can bear the grief

Now I'm crying......my DD is 19 and I watched her last night crying on the couch because the voices won't leave from her head. She had a psychotic breakdown the 1st of Nov and hasn't fully recovered. I wish I could go back to the day I took her home in a Christmas stocking (she was born right before Christmas) and protect her from the things that brought her to her breakdown.

i don't know kimmy, i see her at her current age, not as a baby. i'm so very very proud of her. i love the relationship i have with her at this age just as much as when she was a baby. it certainly changes as they grow.

maybe that is because she is the older of the two.

now my DS, he is my baby, i think i'll always see him as my baby.

are we done crying yet ladies?? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

SC, you are right about that... ENJOY THOSE BEAUTIFUL GIFTS FROM GOD EVERY SECOND OF EVERY DAY.

{{{Pep}}} and {{{AskMe}}}

obviously we are not done crying yet. both of those posts just got me restarted!!

I"m still working on my tears, I can't quite turn them off. Funny they grow up, but last night she was curled up in her mothers lap just like a baby. Why couldn't we just hold them that way forever? sorry....I'm having a bad day <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />


P.S. I'm doing better....I decided to answer other people's problems. Helped take my mind off my own. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

My DS is 22. Watching him grow up has been a joy. My DD just turned 13 and I know I will feel like you froz when she turns 18. Right now she still likes to sit on my lap and I am taking advantage of that. {{Pep}} hugs for you as the little girl who lost her mom. {{Askme}} MB hugs to you too. I am so sorry. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/teary.gif" alt="" />

Alright, girls, knock it off, the computer screen is fogging up!!! I'm planning two birthday parties right now--one for my son's 16th birthday, one for my youngest daughter's FIRST birthday. The baby looks just like her big brother did at this age so I can literally SEE the baby my "baby" was, not just the tall, muscle-bound, grease-covered mechanic who will be leaving me in two years to join the military like all the other men in this silly family have.

{{{{Frozen}}}} We feel your pain, girlfriend!

I used to be so scared of the teen years. I was sort of expressing that to a wonderful lady one day at the store. She was one of those very gentle, loving women.

She told me, "everybody has such trouble with the teen years, and I just loved my kids and all they were doing and going through. I really enjoyed them."

It really changed my attitude! I am not kidding, it really did. That dear sweet lady died a few years after that in a tragic car accident. And her words I will never forget.

It is such a wonderful time for them (hair raising for ma and pa sometimes). My oldest is now 20 and fiercely independent. The day I left her at college...Oh My...tears galore.

My next 2 are boys, 18 and 16. Still at home, but the 18 works away for a week at a time, home a week.

So, what I have learned is that she will need you more in the next year than she ever has. Even though my DD is so independent, she still calls about all the things she needs help with. We grew quite a bit closer since she left.

Don't despair...she will still need you. And it will be in new and fun ways. I have trouble not being "MOM" and being a friend.

Hugs to you Froz! It's such a big change isn't it? Take care.

Dang, they grow up so fast!

I hate change.

I've been acting like a dummy all day long. I don't really know why I'm taking this so hard.

Did you know that I was her age when she was born? I turned 18 about a month before she was born. All day long I've been reflecting on that time in my life. It was a very scary and difficult time, being 17 and pregnant.

I got pregnant on junior prom night and her dad pretty much took off. My parents kicked me out of the house, and having led a pretty priveliged life up to that point, I was terrified. My parents shipped me off to a maternity home and told me I couldn't come back home after my baby was born unless I gave her up for adoption. I was going to do it, too, because I didn't know what else to do.

As soon as I saw her, I knew I wasn't going to. I couldn't. I think a big part of why I didn't is because I am adopted myself and I had never seen anyone who was my own flesh and blood. I was fascinated with her.

It was probably a very immature and selfish choice to keep her. I was too young to be a mother. I have made so many mistakes. I had nothing to offer this little girl, but love. That's not enough.

This lifetime quest for some form of love and acceptance has led me down so many destructive paths - taking my children along with me.

I wish I could do it all over again. I would do so many things differently. I would avoid men and just focus on raising my children.

But, I haven't done that at all. I have brought guy after guy into their lives while they witnessed each one of them hurt me. I don't even want to talk right now about the one who hurt my daughter.

My daughter is beautiful and kind. She is a better woman than I could ever hope to be. She is pretty, bright, smart, witty and funny, with a cute sarcastic sense of humor. She is an artist (she paints), she is a humanitarian (she aspires to join the Peace Corps after college).

She is a girlie-girl, who loves to "borrow" her mommy's makeup and perfume. She has a huge, forgiving heart. She had such a hard time from ages 12-14. She acted out because of her traumas and barely passed the 8th and 9th grades. She has spent four years in counseling. She has risen above her life experiences like no one I've ever seen. She never gets in trouble. She is ultra-responsible and makes straight A's. She is president of the Art Club. She has big dreams and goals. She is not bitter at all.

She wants to save the world. She would save every injured soul - people and animals alike - if she could. She is compassionate and kind. Everyone who comes into contact with her can see how special she is. I am so proud of her (can you tell?).

I've spent most of the day crying and driving up and down the interstate, with music blaring. I'm lucky I didn't get a ticket. I like to drive too fast.

Imagine how I'd be acting if she were going to move out or something. She plans to live at home and attend a local university in the fall. She's not even leaving yet and I'm acting like this. What the heck is my problem???

More emotionalism from me...

In my daughter's eyes, I am a hero.
I am strong and wise,
And I know no fear.
But the truth is plain to see:
She was sent to rescue me,
I see who I wanna be, in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, everyone is equal,
Darkness turns to light,
And the world is at peace.
This miracle God gave to me,
Gives me strength when I am weak.
I find reason to believe, in my daughter's eyes.

And when she wraps her hand around my finger,
Oh, it puts a smile in my heart.
Everything becomes a little clearer.
I realize what life is all about.
It's hangin' on when your heart has had enough;
It's givin' more when you feel like givin' up.
I've seen the light: it's in my daughter's eyes.

In my daughter's eyes, I can see the future.
A reflection of who I am,
And what will be.
And though she'll grow and, some day, leave:
Maybe raise a family,
When I'm gone, I hope you'll see,
How happy she made me,
For I'll be there, in my daughter's eyes.

Okay...I'll try to stop now.

What's **wrong** with you is that you are a mother. There's part of your heart that has been living outside of your body for eighteen years now.

And you know what? For all of your issues, you are giving your daughter more than a LOT of moms do--you're unabashedly proud of her. Just let her know it, and I guarantee she'll remember it...for the rest of her life.

{{frozen}} I often thought my older DS was sent to save me from myself. You did good. Celebrate that beautiful life. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Okay, I thought I was done crying. I was, until my beautiful new-adult daughter just came home with her NOSE PIERCED!!!! I didn't yell at her. I just started crying again.

I hate this day.

Why couldn't she celebrate her new adulthood by filling out the voter registration form I gave her this morning?

She looks like a bull!

{{{Froz}}}: Did your parents let you come home once the baby was born? Your daughter is very lucky to know how much you love and care for her.

{{{Pep}}}: Your daughter's 18th will be an emotional day but what a beautiful gesture.

FROZ, you are killing me here!!! i thought i was done crying for the day. what was very beautiful. thanks for sharing it, even though it made me cry!!!

TT,

No, my parents did not let me come home. Of course, they did change their mind about the baby. Babies have a way of turning a crisis into an immediate blessing.

The second she was born, they instantly turned into your typical grandparents.

Geez, I think about it now and I shudder because my parents were only 39!!! They seemed so old to me, and here I am...36!

They came over tonight for birthday cake and such. They didn't even freak out about her new "accessory". I would have been banned to Siberia for something like that. With her, they are completely understanding. Grandparents!!!

It's kind of funny that my parents have always been so big on taking responsibility for your own actions. If I messed up, it was my fault. If my daughter messes up? Also my fault! This kid can do no wrong in their eyes. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

I'm glad they are such loving grandparents.

Thank you guys for being so supportive. I'm sorry I made some of you cry.

I'm done grieving now and ready to step up and face this challenge of parenting a young adult.

Too many changes all at once...my baby boy will be 16 next month and in May, my daughter will graduate from high school. All in the midst of early menopause. You think Patriot will survive until summer???

Thanks you guys,

Froz

P.S. I'm not saying a darn word about her nose ring (her little "spreading her wings" display). The quicker I shut up about it, the quicker it will probably disappear. Time to let her see that every decision she makes comes along with consequences.

Also, she thanked me for her party and for coming up to the school. I thought she might be a little embarrassed about that, but she said that about 6 kids came up to her after class and asked her if they could trade moms with her.

She's such a nice kid, even if she does look like a bull. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

[color:"blue"]My DD just turned 20 in Dec. I'm sitting here at work reading this thread and trying no to cry but this gave me a chuckle. My DD got her belly button pierced for her 18th b-day. My H took her. I wasn't thrilled but at that point, what can you say???[/color]


[color:"blue"]We live overseas so I flew back to the states with her when she was starting college. We couldn't afford for the whole family to go so I was alone. It was the fall of 2004 and one of the first things we did was to get her drivers license and she was so excited to register to vote. She just barely made the 30 day cut off to be able to vote in the presidential election. She still has her "I Voted" sticker on her bulletin board. We had a whirlwind week shopping and getting her dorm set up so the tears didn't hit until I was driving back to the airport in the rental car. I almost had to pull over at one point but I made it. I still miss her so terribly some days. I will be so glad when we move back to the states and can have more than 2 visits a year.[/color]

Froz mine did the piercing thing to when she hit 18. First it was the tops of the ear, which you can't do until 18. And then it was the belly button. I'm holding my breath waiting on the tatoo because she keeps drawing the one that she wants. In fact I have a copy in my wallet that she gave me to hold onto. BE thankful a ring can be removed.

Chinese Proverb:

One generation plants the trees; another gets the shade.

Which can be interpreted two ways.

Froz, you raised her well, nose ring and all. She is liked and cared for by others because of a spirit you helped mold.

And she gets to stand alone now. And she gets to plant some trees. And tend them.

The pain and loss from the effort you spent on her is experience that you do not want to deny her. Her time to tend the trees.

You?

Sit in the shade.

Enjoy grandkids. Just not too soon. ;-)

(Although, with a nose ring that looks like a bull, do you expect that to happen? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />)

{{froz and Patriot}}

Or another one:

There are only two lasting bequests we can hope to give our children. One is roots; the other, wings. - Hodding Carter, author

So which ones haven't you given her, Froz?

You rejoice when she uses the roots. And the wings?

SIT IN THE SHADE???

I'm only 36 years old! I don't want to sit in the shade! I want to play in the sun!!!

Geez, NC! Know where I could find a good walker - the kind that has tennis balls on the bottom?

Somehow, I seem to have skipped over my youth and am now headed straight for the old folks home. I can't believe you even said the word "grandchildren". I'm not old enough to be a grandmother - OMG!!! All my friends are just now having babies. Mine are old enough to babysit their babies.



Yes!!! You've seen her picture...she is GORGEOUS!!! I'm not stupid enough to think some piece of metal in her nose is going to be a deterrent.


Oh, I give her wings. I just cry all day long when I have to.

Sit in the shade - as opposed to work in the sun.

What I am saying is that now that she has come of age, you can do more watching and less steering. And ENJOY her. She is getting to the point where she can be a meaningful friend AND a daughter.

If you choose to play in the sun, do so with gusto. One of the bennies of having 'em young is you have a lot of steam left when they get out of the house.

She is a good kid. She will be fine.

And yes, she is beautiful. Just trying to make you feel better about the ring. How big are we talking here? A discrete, little ring, or a "hitch me to the post" piece of hardware?

I don't know. You'll have to ask Patriot. I'm too biased. It looks enormous to me and I've been having a difficult time looking her straight in the eye.

I still can't believe she did that. This is the same kid that, six months ago, I had to lie on her legs and hold her hands while she got a shot at the dentist.

Sometimes I feel kind of sorry for Patriot, being thrown into a situation dealing with two teenagers, without any experience. At least I got to work up to it.

Also, if you recall, he is younger than I am by four years! I must say he was, without a doubt, the youngest dad at High School Orientation. He would have to have been 14 when she was born, to be my daughter's father.

Hey, did I tell you that Patriot is taking the kids and I on our first family vacation? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Well of course it looks enormous to you. But we need a sense of scale, is it the size of a pin, a pea, a grape, an orange? I mean, could one physically hitch her to a post with the thing, or is it more decorative?

You can't believe she handled a want with accompanying pain vice a need with accompanying pain?

Patriot is pretty tough. And from what he tells me, your offspring are not so bad to deal with.

So he is younger. He is also bald, so he looks older. (Sorry Pat. Had to make a dig. You don't get off that easy.)

And yes. There is a rumor floating around about a family vaction. Count me out. I know the destination and my interest level is like, zero. But you might see Robby13 there. He runs the place.

I guess it's bigger than a pea, but smaller than a grape.
I'm still holding on to the hope that if I don't make a big deal over it, it will go away.



I think having teenagers is sometimes difficult for him.



Yes, poor thing. How did he manage to snag such a young wife? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/tongue.gif" alt="" />



Our vacation is going to include much, much more than just "that place". Are you forgetting about the fun-filled 16 hours in a car with two teenagers? Sure you don't want to tag along? I'm working on negotiating with Patriot over Barry Manilow tickets. I know how much you love Barry.

Look on the bright side:
1) If she were victim to an avalanche, you could find her with a metal detector.
2) She will have a handy place to keep a spare pen. Or perhaps hook her sunglasses.
3) When she naps, you could hang cute little signs from it. Something like "My OTHER nose is a Durante". (I would actually PAY to see your daughter with that hanging from her nose ring.)



Which seperates him from the rest of us how, exactly?


See, that's the thing. You NEVER let him know he snagged you. Then he will do that pursuit thing. Play to the loins, didn't momma teach you nuthin?


At the Copa, Copa Cabana, music and passion is always in fashion...

Y'all excuse me, I feel a technicolor yawn coming on.

I LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> reading this.

In my practice, I run across all sorts of unexpected *ahem* accoutrements on people's bodies .... and I always make the same comment if it is something unexpected ... "Well HELLO"

I figure, if they did not want a comment, it would not be there !!! LOL <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

.... and .... whatever "it" is ... goes in my notes ... it's an identifying mark

ie: "small tattoo left breast"

or "flashing light labial ring"

Did you see the comedy movie Rat Race ?? The one guy with the self-pierced tongue is hilarious .... he sez ... "Ttwap waaths stht?"

and his brother (Seth Green, very funny) understands every word he says ... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Wow, that is hilarious.



Are you speaking of the age old "playing hard to get"?
I don't want to play games or pretend I don't want something that I do.



Once again, NC, you came and you gave without taking, and I sent you away...Oh, NC...

I agree.

I told her she looked like a bull. After I stopped crying, I told that it was just that she was SO pretty!!!

She said, "Oh, and I'm not pretty now?"

I said, "Yes, you make a very pretty bull."



Oh, nurses have the BEST stories of this kind. Remember my mom is a nurse? She works in the newborn nursery and labor & delivery. She told us last night about a rather large tatoo that a woman had of a butterfly. I'll let you use your imagination.

YUCK!!!


I didn't see that one.

My plan is to not mention her new accessory at ALL. Although (and this is kind of mean), I told Patriot last night that I am secretly hoping she gets a cold soon. I figure there's nothing wrong with hoping the process of LOGICAL CONSEQUENCE gets sped up a little bit.

I'm still kind of surprised. I told you she was a girlie-girl. She is VERY prissy. I could have envisioned maybe a little diamond stud or something, but a BULL RING!!! OMG!

*snort*

Rent the movie

it's funny

and there is a cow (sadly, not a bull) who goes up in a hot air balloon (in the movie)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

and a busload of stampeding Lucys

http://www.ziyue.com/movies/usa/2001/RatRace/rat11.jpg

and narcolepsy

http://its420allday.tripod.com/rat_race002.jpg

I don't get nearly enough crude humor. I'll rent it tonight.

Couldn't see this one! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

http://www.sunnews.com/images/2001/0816/RACE.jpg

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

http://images.google.com/imgres?imgurl=h...6lr%3D%26sa%3DN

then hit "full size image" ... narcolepsy

*snort*

Froz, my DS got a tatoo for his 18th birthday. I had hoped the desire would go away before he turned 18. At least his desire for a tongue piercing did! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Frozen-

I had my daughter when I was 17.....so I was pregnant at 16.

I never thought about the mistakes I've made. We all make mistakes, and I'm not sorry for the decisions I've made in my life.

I don't think that having my beautiful daughter at 17 was a mistake. It's nothing I'd ever suggest that anyone do, but I wasn't sorry that it happened that way for me.

She is a beautiful, opinionated little thing,(She's only 5'2")that wears WAY too much make up...LOL.

She pierced her belly button when she turned 18. I wouldn't let her pierce anything besides her ears before then. I said "Oh no, you're not blaming me for marking up your body. I'm not having you say 'MOM!! WHY'D YOU LET ME DO THAT?!?!" (BTW.....she took the belly button ring out <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />)

I cried and cried reading everyone's posts.

I didn't cry when Jeni turned 18, because she was too darn cute spreading her wings. (I think the fact that I still have 2 girls at home has something to do with it also), I also didn't cry when she moved to Florida a month ago......but I'm crying now, I miss her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

She calls me almost daily and e-mails me too, but I can't hug her <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ugh! I'm going to go e-mail her now.

God Bless,

-Caren