For those coming....... for those going........... for those coming back..... for everyone here - 02/18/06 12:43 PM
There's been a lot of flack going on here..... not unusal and not the 1st time. Still with all the turmoil and drama in most of our lives..... are any of you surprised it happens even here? You shouldn't be. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />
Why? Because that's life. Our lives are filled with turmoil and drama. It is also filled with happiness, grief, joy, sadness, etc.
For most of us, the A is a shock to our souls. Our lives will never be the same. So stop trying to make it the same. Learn to make it better.
The A c/b a stumbling block for life or a learning experience, though not of our choice....still a learning experience. Don't pass up the opportunity to learn and grow.
For those of you newer here to MB (aka: newbies - said with affection <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ), know that MB does not and should not sugar coat life. Dealing with A problems require some deep soul searching, identify one's personal boundaries, making hard decisions which require a clear mind and calm heart, lots of patience and at times a whack back to reality. It also includes, doctor visits, scrutinizing finances, securing finances, learning how to expose, exposing, creating a plan(s), implementing those plans..... learning to move forward and best of all.....learning to reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Does that mean you must always be miserable? No. Ask the many who came here years ago and still post..... their lives have been through the ringer. Some even have dealt with OC(s), death, bigamy, D, STDs, bankruptcy, jail, foreclosure, loss of job, loss of home, loss of family, terminal illness, etc..... yet through it all.....most who have visited here finally learn that they must fix themselves 1st, learn how to babble with the WS vs their real spouse, know to recover.
MB healing is like good medicine. Not always tasty but healthy. It is a healing that does come with pain. Don't kill the messenger or give a hard time to someone who has been there and can see what is ahead for you. Lots of time, these strong posts are sent and meant to help you avoid the pitfalls many of us suffered which hindered our recovery.
Know that not all posts or portions of all posts are beneficial to each person. Be smart enough to take what is beneficial and move forward. You don't always have to defend yourself.
I recall a former poster who took me to task and told me off royally here a few years ago. Her WS made a feable attempt at recovery and she jumped on it like it was gold. I took the time to send a word of caution and she jumped on my post saying I was being discouraging, that I didn't know her and how dare I rain on her parade. Ok, I backed off. No hard feelings from me. But within 2 weeks, the WS moved out and went back to the OW. It personally pained me to see that because now the BS was a devasted BS going through another d/d worse than the 1st.
My point? No biggie for me but that BS never showed any type of recovery. Not that I recall. I beleive she stopped posting. It saddens me but that happens sometimes.
what you all need to know is that this is forum. No one here claims to know all. I personally have posted here and asked for those more experienced in a certain field (i. e. OC, alcohol, drugs, etc.) to help out a poster. I knew I couldn't help out as effectively. Those who were more experienced, stepped in. Mel, BR, Cali, Pep, Lemonman, Ark, WAT, Starfish, JL, Motarman, TCMC, BobPure, Resillent, etc. are just some of those ones that have helped.
Some of those posters are no longer regular posters here. Whether they read or not, is unknown but their help when they gave it has been invaluable. At one time, most of them were in our positions.
So all, listen, read, respond, ask questions, but don't get your panties up in a knot and create an environment which keeps you from learning and growing.
For those who have been giving support here.....thank you.
For those who just read..... learn that posting here to help has a 2-fold effect that does help each of us personally, including the poster. Learn to post, you may be helping more than you realize.
For those who feel they need a break. We understand. Come back when u r ready. This place is open 24/7. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We can always use your help.
For those still posting to give back some of the support they received..... Gracias' from the bottom of our hearts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
To All: Learn to take the good and discard the bad. But learn!
take care,
L.
Why? Because that's life. Our lives are filled with turmoil and drama. It is also filled with happiness, grief, joy, sadness, etc.
For most of us, the A is a shock to our souls. Our lives will never be the same. So stop trying to make it the same. Learn to make it better.
The A c/b a stumbling block for life or a learning experience, though not of our choice....still a learning experience. Don't pass up the opportunity to learn and grow.
For those of you newer here to MB (aka: newbies - said with affection <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ), know that MB does not and should not sugar coat life. Dealing with A problems require some deep soul searching, identify one's personal boundaries, making hard decisions which require a clear mind and calm heart, lots of patience and at times a whack back to reality. It also includes, doctor visits, scrutinizing finances, securing finances, learning how to expose, exposing, creating a plan(s), implementing those plans..... learning to move forward and best of all.....learning to reverse babble. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />
Does that mean you must always be miserable? No. Ask the many who came here years ago and still post..... their lives have been through the ringer. Some even have dealt with OC(s), death, bigamy, D, STDs, bankruptcy, jail, foreclosure, loss of job, loss of home, loss of family, terminal illness, etc..... yet through it all.....most who have visited here finally learn that they must fix themselves 1st, learn how to babble with the WS vs their real spouse, know to recover.
MB healing is like good medicine. Not always tasty but healthy. It is a healing that does come with pain. Don't kill the messenger or give a hard time to someone who has been there and can see what is ahead for you. Lots of time, these strong posts are sent and meant to help you avoid the pitfalls many of us suffered which hindered our recovery.
Know that not all posts or portions of all posts are beneficial to each person. Be smart enough to take what is beneficial and move forward. You don't always have to defend yourself.
I recall a former poster who took me to task and told me off royally here a few years ago. Her WS made a feable attempt at recovery and she jumped on it like it was gold. I took the time to send a word of caution and she jumped on my post saying I was being discouraging, that I didn't know her and how dare I rain on her parade. Ok, I backed off. No hard feelings from me. But within 2 weeks, the WS moved out and went back to the OW. It personally pained me to see that because now the BS was a devasted BS going through another d/d worse than the 1st.
My point? No biggie for me but that BS never showed any type of recovery. Not that I recall. I beleive she stopped posting. It saddens me but that happens sometimes.
what you all need to know is that this is forum. No one here claims to know all. I personally have posted here and asked for those more experienced in a certain field (i. e. OC, alcohol, drugs, etc.) to help out a poster. I knew I couldn't help out as effectively. Those who were more experienced, stepped in. Mel, BR, Cali, Pep, Lemonman, Ark, WAT, Starfish, JL, Motarman, TCMC, BobPure, Resillent, etc. are just some of those ones that have helped.
Some of those posters are no longer regular posters here. Whether they read or not, is unknown but their help when they gave it has been invaluable. At one time, most of them were in our positions.
So all, listen, read, respond, ask questions, but don't get your panties up in a knot and create an environment which keeps you from learning and growing.
For those who have been giving support here.....thank you.
For those who just read..... learn that posting here to help has a 2-fold effect that does help each of us personally, including the poster. Learn to post, you may be helping more than you realize.
For those who feel they need a break. We understand. Come back when u r ready. This place is open 24/7. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We can always use your help.
For those still posting to give back some of the support they received..... Gracias' from the bottom of our hearts. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />
To All: Learn to take the good and discard the bad. But learn!
take care,
L.