Goodnight and farewell - 06/29/06 10:02 PM
One year ago was D-day, but my D-day was different than many people here. My FWW came to me and confessed the A and that it had ended on her terms. Not because I cornered her and forced a confession or she felt she had been caught, but out of guilt and love.
So, what have I learned and how have we progressed? Well, depression for both of us had been part of the downfall for our marriage. With that we both started doing our own thing that didn’t include the other in order to find happiness. Not because we didn’t care, but because we started losing the most important thing in our marriage - honest communication.
As we did our own things we both fell into the same situation of having an A at our doorstep. The difference is that I still believed enough in our marriage to say no. Not only did I say no, but I said “No” twice to two different women in 4 months. Maybe I said no because my values were higher or I didn’t want to hurt the most important person to me. Regardless, I chose not to stray.
The story is definitely not the same for her. She took the A to the limit and allowed it to become physical. She never said no, just kept saying yes. She says that she was becoming ill from her actions and she couldn’t stand herself anymore. I’ll never know how much truth there is to this, but she chose to stop the A and confessed her infidelity. She wanted to seek counseling to find out what was wrong. It was a start in the right direction for both of us.
As with most people the next few months were the hardest ones I had ever lived. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much and feel so much hatred at the same time. My best friend had made my fantasy marriage become my worst nightmare. No amount of counseling would change that, only help me get through it.
Because we both had the same goal of wanting to repair our marriage we made progress extremely fast with each other. We still had our own inner demons to deal with, but we could fight them together and support one another. Between my IC, this place and a few friends acting as my sounding board I have fought them off as best I could.
Now that one year is here how do I feel? Well, I’m trying to look at the “silver lining” of the day as a step in being honest with each other and trying to fix our broken marriage. I don’t want this to come off wrong, but in a way we should celebrate the day in waking us up and learning that honesty is much healthier than what we had. Just because I said no doesn’t mean I would have ALWAYS said no. I’m sure I would have eventually given up and had an A.
I may not have my fantasy marriage anymore, but I do have my fantasy wife. By having my fantasy wife I can have so much more. I love my wife more than anything and this past year was proof of how much I love her. To look at your partner and know what they did and still be able to call that person your soulmate is a sign that says we are meant to be together.
So, I will sign off of this site (hopefully forever) and give my thanks to many of you. My advice to any new people reading this is to give it some time before calling it quits. The road is the worst you’ll ever travel, but you may be giving up the best friend you’ll ever know.
Peace and happiness to all.
So, what have I learned and how have we progressed? Well, depression for both of us had been part of the downfall for our marriage. With that we both started doing our own thing that didn’t include the other in order to find happiness. Not because we didn’t care, but because we started losing the most important thing in our marriage - honest communication.
As we did our own things we both fell into the same situation of having an A at our doorstep. The difference is that I still believed enough in our marriage to say no. Not only did I say no, but I said “No” twice to two different women in 4 months. Maybe I said no because my values were higher or I didn’t want to hurt the most important person to me. Regardless, I chose not to stray.
The story is definitely not the same for her. She took the A to the limit and allowed it to become physical. She never said no, just kept saying yes. She says that she was becoming ill from her actions and she couldn’t stand herself anymore. I’ll never know how much truth there is to this, but she chose to stop the A and confessed her infidelity. She wanted to seek counseling to find out what was wrong. It was a start in the right direction for both of us.
As with most people the next few months were the hardest ones I had ever lived. I never knew it was possible to love someone so much and feel so much hatred at the same time. My best friend had made my fantasy marriage become my worst nightmare. No amount of counseling would change that, only help me get through it.
Because we both had the same goal of wanting to repair our marriage we made progress extremely fast with each other. We still had our own inner demons to deal with, but we could fight them together and support one another. Between my IC, this place and a few friends acting as my sounding board I have fought them off as best I could.
Now that one year is here how do I feel? Well, I’m trying to look at the “silver lining” of the day as a step in being honest with each other and trying to fix our broken marriage. I don’t want this to come off wrong, but in a way we should celebrate the day in waking us up and learning that honesty is much healthier than what we had. Just because I said no doesn’t mean I would have ALWAYS said no. I’m sure I would have eventually given up and had an A.
I may not have my fantasy marriage anymore, but I do have my fantasy wife. By having my fantasy wife I can have so much more. I love my wife more than anything and this past year was proof of how much I love her. To look at your partner and know what they did and still be able to call that person your soulmate is a sign that says we are meant to be together.
So, I will sign off of this site (hopefully forever) and give my thanks to many of you. My advice to any new people reading this is to give it some time before calling it quits. The road is the worst you’ll ever travel, but you may be giving up the best friend you’ll ever know.
Peace and happiness to all.