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Apparantly there are a lot of us.

I have an idea and I want to bounce it off of those here.

I was a pilot. Believed very much in our mission there and what we were/are doing. We're making progress and I believe and hope Iraq will be worth the sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears we've put into it. Many of us have walked away with our lives, but we are casualties of a different sort. We paid a personal price with our marriages. Abscence is no excuse for our spouses to cheat, but it certianly is a contributor in the fact that we're not there to fully fullfill ENs or to observe behavior that we could stop with our presence before it goes too far.

So here's my idea: I'd like to consolidate several of our stories and publish them as a book. Call it something along the lines of, "Marital Casualties of War: A Collection of Stories of Heartbroken Soldiers"

Any other title suggestions are welcome. But I do believe that it would be a good, if tragic read, and there's a certain satisfaction in exposing our WW's to the world.
I think this is a good idea, papa! The strains on marriage (military marriages) are hard as it is, deployments only add to the many struggles. I wonder sometimes if the outside world really understands all the heartbreak that often happens with all these deployments.

My H cheated with another soldiers wife while he (her H) was in Iraq.

Not sure if you want stories from W's of soldiers, but if you do I would be more than happy to throw in my 2 cents.
I'm a AF wife whose H cheated with another AF member, who was married. The A is still ongoing, but am currently waiting for the CO to initiate action. Just told him last night and expect the backlash to happen today, or tomorrow.

I'm still proud to be a part of the military, if only by marriage. I believe in the mission and am proud of what you accomplish over there.
I welcome all inputs. The book is really about another casualty of war: marriages. It is easy to make the deployed soldier the victim, but there are many wives who are victims as well. I would welcome such inputs. Right now I just want to see what the interest level is, and then I will see about the next step.
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Apparantly there are a lot of us.

I have an idea and I want to bounce it off of those here.

I was a pilot. Believed very much in our mission there and what we were/are doing. We're making progress and I believe and hope Iraq will be worth the sacrifice, blood, sweat and tears we've put into it. Many of us have walked away with our lives, but we are casualties of a different sort. We paid a personal price with our marriages. Abscence is no excuse for our spouses to cheat, but it certianly is a contributor in the fact that we're not there to fully fullfill ENs or to observe behavior that we could stop with our presence before it goes too far.

So here's my idea: I'd like to consolidate several of our stories and publish them as a book. Call it something along the lines of, "Marital Casualties of War: A Collection of Stories of Heartbroken Soldiers"

Any other title suggestions are welcome. But I do believe that it would be a good, if tragic read, and there's a certain satisfaction in exposing our WW's to the world.

Papa,

I already have a book concerning what happened to me in the works. I have a publisher also. So contact me at my email (mortar29@yahoo.com) and we can discuss maybe expanding this book like you have suggested. All others in the same boat are welcome!!
I'm a former soldier and currently a sailor's wife. Mixed marriage at its finest. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> He cheated on me multiple times while deployed, going so far as to create a "single" persona for himelf while on a hardship tour.

If you do the book, please ensure that you include happy endings as well. We're 3 1/2 years into recovery and doing well now.
Interesting, but what would be the angle?

Would you tell stories of betrayal and then redemption (a positive spin) or would you be all doom and gloom?
It happened to me as well.

I was in a military town. Most of us were VERY cognizant of the fact that a husband was deployed. We would mow lawns, fix cars, etc, and help the military wives.

But with OUR wives in tow. Or at least supportive and in the know.

Quite a few soldiers when I was deployed got the "Dear John," and a swift, decisive emptying of their bank accounts. (The military should NOT grant full power of attorney to these young men.) I always thought "I am glad I married a girl of good morals" and never worried. So my homecoming basically sucked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />
Both stories. Mostly focusing on the tragic ones, but a few positive ones thrown in.

So, ncwalker, dobie, willing to share your story?
I guess I could. Geez. I have a whole bunch of letters and stuff I wrote her throughout those times. They would really be hard to look at now.

What again is the purpose?
I'll have to think a little more about this one, especially since I don't have a long story to tell thus far, but I do have an interest.
The book that I started already has to do with another casualty of war...marriages. This particular book has to do with the soldier, with them at the tip of the spear...while those supporting him betray him.

The ending of each story is not as important as the story. So, whether the marriage ended or was reconciled is not as important for this book, as it is to express the sacrifice that most people dont know about. They know about the loss of life, the loss of limbs, the loss of time with family. But what many do not know is while these guys and gals are laying it all on the line for all of us...the epitomy of honor, character and sacrifice...while those that are supposed to support them and show the same honor, character and sacrifice...instead, offer betrayal and dishonor.

The book is about how these service members handle betrayal from within "the ranks."

I wont elude to any more of it now...that will give it away. But, anyone that is serious about offerign their story, please email me at the above address and we can talk.

Oh, and on the issue of military spouses being cheated on...I think a second book on just them would be warranted!!! Any soldier that would cheat on his wife does not belong in my Army!!

Standing in His Presence
There certainly are a collection of heartbroken military spouses as well, not just the deployed servicemember him/herself. I was an FRG co-leader during the first year of Iraqi Freedom and witnessed no less than three broken marriages/engagements as a result of "intermingling" in the desert, and that was just my H's platoon!

There's another statistic that we don't get to hear much on boards like this...the number of marriages in the military that fall apart NOT due to infidelity. Military service itself proves quite a hardship to married life, and many couples just can't handle it. Sad.

Further examples pop up every day that morale could be far improved all the way around if there were as many marriage-building "classes" for military couples as there are "community service" briefings.
My FWW also had a LTA w/ another mil member while I was deployed and a geo bach, I've thought about writing a his side/her side book but I don't think my W wants to relive the painful details.

I wholeheartedly agree that the stories are painful, personal and worthy of telling; my reservation is, should the stories catch on, there are certain sides of the media who would use them to continue eroding support for this country and it's mission in the GWOT.

Still, the OP weasels we've dealt with in these A's do not deserve any mercy for their dishonor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Would you have to change the names?

V/r,
No Way
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My FWW also had a LTA w/ another mil member while I was deployed and a geo bach, I've thought about writing a his side/her side book but I don't think my W wants to relive the painful details.

I wholeheartedly agree that the stories are painful, personal and worthy of telling; my reservation is, should the stories catch on, there are certain sides of the media who would use them to continue eroding support for this country and it's mission in the GWOT.

Still, the OP weasels we've dealt with in these A's do not deserve any mercy for their dishonor. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> Would you have to change the names?

V/r,
No Way

Not sure if I will use real names...jsut first names...or fake names. Still havent decided.

I do understand the media and treasonous way they have undermined those of us in the military that are doing this job. If the media in World War II had done what it is doing now, they would all be locked up!!! Somehow, we let them get away with it today.

On the OP...I tire of hearing about OPs that are back here, living under (as Jack Nicholson said in a recent movie) the freedom that I provide...and feel they can do whatever they like. They can take advantage of very hard situations (deployed soldiers and their families). These pukes have no honor...no character (as a note...neither do the soldiers who are cheating on their wives over there!!).

These OPs are not real bright either! Let's think about it a sec. They are cheating with the wife (for this example) of a soldier who is actively shooting and killing other human beings. Then, that soldier gets on a plane, comes home and finds out about Jody (the OP). And Jody is trusting that soldier not to "lose it" and do to him what he has been doing to Al Qaeda. That is quite some trust there!!

I dont condone this, but I know of many stories of soldiers coming home and doing some horrific things to OPs and WSs. One guy came home...a special ops guy...found out about the OP...and tortured the guy for three days in fron of his WW before finally killing him.

As I said, that is horrible and should not happen!! But as an OP, wouldnt I want to be a little smarter and maybe cheat with the wife of the 130lbs libral pascifist...then with some guy who has spent a year over there killing terrorists and breaking their stuff? As I said, OPs that cheat with military spouses just aint too bright!!

One more thing on that. There is actually Scripture that says these guys arent too bright. Here it is (from Proverbs):

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Pro 6:24 To keep you from the evil woman, From the smooth tongue of the adulteress.
Pro 6:25 Do not desire her beauty in your heart, Nor let her capture you with her eyelids.
Pro 6:26 For on account of a harlot {one is reduced} to a loaf of bread, And an adulteress hunts for the precious life.
Pro 6:27 Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned?
Pro 6:28 Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched?
Pro 6:29 So is the one who goes in to his neighbor's wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished.
Pro 6:30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals To satisfy himself when he is hungry;
Pro 6:31 But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house.
Pro 6:32 The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it.
Pro 6:33 Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out.
Pro 6:34 For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance.
Pro 6:35 He will not accept any ransom, Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.
Don't forget this classic.

Edited to add: The story is kind of gross. No photos, but don't open the link if you're easily disturbed.
I am afraid that classic may happen when the soldier who lives a few houses down from me comes home from Afghanistan.


His house has pretty much been a revolving door for soldiers and civilians since he has been gone.
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Don't forget this classic.

Yeah, I heard about that one Dobie. Sad, really.

The soldier deserves life in Leavenworth. I agree. But the OP, while not "deserving" to be beheaded...certainly lacked any form of honor or character. He definitely didnt belong in my Army. And he was definitely an idiot to have taken up with another soldier's wife.

Now, this woman who also lacks honor and character has an ex-husband in prison and a dead father (OP) to her child.

What a mess!! This is what happens when we dont act liek adults and dont follow the admonitions of God. when we try to do it our own way...well, sometimes people lose their heads. (Okay, I know that was bad!)

But really...if we could all just behave...and grow up a little!
MM,


I do have a major update that I'm going to post on my other threads. It is potentially HUGE.
My title suggestion would be:

UNSEEN CASUALTIES: Stories of Heartbroken Soldiers

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

I think the book is an awesome idea!
If someone publishes it (as opposed to self-publishing), they'll probably change the titls anyway. *pouty face*
I'm conflicted about the idea of the book. It might be a good warning. On the other hand, from basic training onwards, there's always somebody telling you that Jody back home is using your significant other as a trampoline. Sadly, it often turns out to come true.

My fear is that providing more proof that military spouses cheat will continue to encourage the servicemembers that it's ok to do it too. I really have heard the phrase "I'm sure she's doing it too" to justify affairs.

Then the spouses back home hear about all the infidelity between servicemembers or with civilians while deployed. They start thinking the same way.
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I'm conflicted about the idea of the book. It might be a good warning. On the other hand, from basic training onwards, there's always somebody telling you that Jody back home is using your significant other as a trampoline. Sadly, it often turns out to come true.

My fear is that providing more proof that military spouses cheat will continue to encourage the servicemembers that it's ok to do it too. I really have heard the phrase "I'm sure she's doing it too" to justify affairs.

Then the spouses back home hear about all the infidelity between servicemembers or with civilians while deployed. They start thinking the same way.

Dobie,

Just as we hear the Jody calls...the spouses know the scoop back home. They know this stuff. This book wont enlighten them to it.

But, hopefully it will bring to light to the general public who these individuals are that are supposed to be supporting that soldier...but instead betray them and stab them in the back.

And all they do is weaken a nation! I view a WS who is a military spouse even more harshly than a civilian WS. I see their adultery as also treasonous. As well as the OP.

Those that cheat on their soldier not only owe repentence to their spouse...they owe it to the nation.
WS's who cheat on deployed soldiers hurt our war effort. It took away a fully qualified pilot by destroying him emotionally. I know I'm responsible for my own misery, but what can you do when you never see it coming and your whole life is turned upside down?

As far as justifying affairs by deployed soldiers goes, that's nonsense. The consequences of adultery in the military are very severe, especially for officers. I fully support those consequences and believe there should be an equivalent for civilians.

Cheating spouses hurt the war effort. Adultery should be a crime with fines and jail time.
My H's exW was in the Navy (he was not). They D'd about 1995 because of her repeated adultry, always with other military personel. It happened when she was away on trainings, she was never deployed overseas. I believe she would have been that way no matter what her profession. Some people just dont believe in monagamy.

Statistcally, I wonder how more often if affects military personel. The stats are so high anyway, it might not be any higher.

Soldiers who cheat vs. soldiers who are cheated on... I hear it both ways. No guarentees eitherway, it seems - Dru
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The consequences of adultery in the military are very severe, especially for officers.

<snort> Only true when the command takes an interest. I was in for 15 years and didn't see much of that. And I worked with all the services. I saw a lot of looking the other way. Often, if someone got into trouble, there was the attitude that they were stupid for getting caught.
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The consequences of adultery in the military are very severe, especially for officers.


Especially if the CO is engaging in inappropriate behavior also in front of everyone others under his command <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> and has been called on the carpet about it from others.

Then to have a CO's wife stongly discourage me from surprising my spouse on a port call. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> Makes me all the more determined to surprise him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />
I like the idea of a book. I'm in with my story, no matter which way it turns out.

I can't believe how prevalent this is amongst the deployed force. I have 6 divorces and two new cases of betrayal THAT I AM AWARE OF in my unit of 160. I'm sure there's plenty more where that came from.

It has gotten so bad that I'm working with the Chaplain to start a support group based on MB principles. I'm calling it Reconciliation by Fire... What is this world coming to? I'm in total agreement that treason is an appropriate punishment for OP and WS... Hang 'em all.

All I am and will become in Him,
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