In the past two weeks since I've had surgery, my WH has called twice. Once was in response to a text message question I sent him, and once to tell me he was taking DS 14 out for dinner since he was working close.

He only came to the hospital the day after my surgery because DD 20 begged him to. She told me that today.

He has shut her out almost completely-few messages, no calls. He stopped calling DD 24 after I got home from the hospital. He does talk with or text the boys a couple of times a week. Mostly about school.

He rarely calls me to check on my progress. He doesn't have any explanation for why he wants out of our M. He just wants me to file the separation papers.

I plan to do that soon as I have more energy- to protect us from his choices because he is truly a stranger to all of us right now.

He isn't doing anything but working as far as I know. NO other OW's-no old friends (he's cut off contact from just about everyone) and he has had no contact with the attempted EA OW since she turned him in to his boss (the head pastor). He's just shut down.

DS 18 was home this week-end from college and WH and he met for breakfast before they moved some furniture I agreed that WH could take to the house he's renting. WHen I asked my oldest son how it went he said "well, he doesn't look me in the eye anymore." WOW!

I have joined a separation/divorce group at a local church, and am obeying my surgeon's orders so I recover as fast as I can.

At this point, I truly believe that it will take a miracle for my M to recover.

I also know that it's God who works miracles-not me. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

U file when you are ready. The WS will keep on heaping selfish requests on you. It is up to you to stop them.

If you file because HE wants to, then he will find another ridiculous request.....maybe like pay for his A. Some have.....believe it or not.

Time for you and your children to take care of you. Move forward and leave the WS in the dust. Maybe then your H will have the energy to try and break free.

L.

Why does he want you to file rather than doing it himself. Is there a legal benefit to you if you are the one to file or is he just not man enough to do it himself?

I am the one who initiated filing for separation when he was pushing for divorce-11 days after moving out. I wanted to file for legal separation because I am not sure who he is any more-and don't want to be legally or financially responsible for the choices he makes right now.

I also need a break. It's only been 6 months since all this started and I just don't need the added stress and mess of divorce. Separation gives me some breathing space.

I don't think he's man enough to do it himself.

He sure hasn't been man enough to deal with the mistakes he made, face the family, or even be available during this cancer crisis-he left it up to the kids to fill in and take care of me (and they've been wonderful).

Separation gives me the time to let God work-on my WH and on me.

Either way, I will move on, and be strong for my kids and myself.

That's why you should do it when U R ready.

Do you feel your mind and heart are in sync yet?

L.

Orchid-good question. I think that my heart is still a bit behind my mind-but it is because I am so hurt by his inaction during this crisis. He has stopped being connected to his family, friends, church (he was in ministry when this started).

That's why I do want legal protection, because I truly don't know this man. I don't want to be responsible for his financial choices or any legal problems he may get into. Whatever those may be.

But I won't file for D yet-and I don't think he has the guts to do it himself. In my state, the separation will stay in place for 14 months, and can be extended. I think that gives God time to work on both of us-or for my heart to be ready to move on, when it's time.

Thanks so much for your concern. I am leaning on my family, my wonderful kids, and my church family.

YOU are #1 !! Take care of YOURSELF first and if he has any requests, let HIM handle them. You need to get strong and healthy.

Number one priority!!!