Just a thought.

It is a crime in some countries.

Why it is not in your country is an interesting discussion in waiting IMO.

Because the "popular" leaders are doing it and the ones that object are labelled "intolerant."

Hollywood has glamorized it. We've become desensitized to it. We pay to watch the movies that portray it. Wonder how many millions in box office sales Fatal Attraction and Sleeping w/the Enemy took in? There are countless others that make it okay. Same w/lots of other things that are common place in our society today that we would not have tolerated 50 years ago.

In Old Testament times you got stoned. Today you get publicity in the tabloids.

PLEASE tell us the law in Great Britan & what is the sentance?
maybe we ,USA, can change the laws to be more like yours!
!!
0403

It has been and still is a capital offense in some places.

Da heck with Great Britain, try Saudi Arabia......

After the affair came out, my husband said to me that, if adultery were a crime, no one would get married.

I sat there thinking -- if I had known he thought that, I never would have married him.

The problem with adultery not being a crime is that a person who thinks that the fidelity is a vow may marry someone who thinks it is an intention.

I never was raped but my husband did break my arm when I threatened to call this woman with whom, in fact, he was having an affair. He decided to go to anger management, and the therapist asked that I meet with him. When I met with him, I said that my husband admitting to having lunch with this woman was perhaps 20 times more painful than his breaking my arm. At the time, I didn't know the affair was sexual -- just thought it was an EA. And I needed three surgeries for the arm.

Respectful

PLEASE tell us the law in Great Britan & what is the sentance?
maybe we ,USA, can change the laws to be more like yours!
!!
0403

I didn't read that the poster I replied to was from the US. Folks on here are from everyplace. No offense intended.

In the UK adultery is so widespread and culturally tolerated, I would not be surprised if it was made COMPULSORY soon !

I live in Saudi Arabia. The penalty is not a deterrent to the practice. Adultery is as common here as everywhere - maybe more so.

My $.02 is that our lawmakers are among the most celebrated adulterers... why pass a law that makes yourself a criminal? IMHO

Heartsore

pioitos,


Really? That's interesting. I guess it makes the thrill all the more intense if you are actually risking your life. Kinda like extreme sports.

Alph.

Does anyone know of any non-muslim countries where adultery is illegal?

Alph.

That is one theory but I am told on reasonably good authority that it is not the motive. If adultery is reported, the punishment will be applied without question. It is generally not reported but not for the reason you might think. The problem with a man reporting his wife cheating is that he loses face among his peers. He was obviously unable to maintain control of his wife so he must have something seriously wrong with him. rahter than face that kind of ridicule, it is easier to leave it unreported. For those with multiple wives, two or three of them can easily go ignored for years on end. Have their requisite child or children and they are left behind albeit maintained in good fashion.

I don't know the psychology of it first hand but a man cheating on his wife is accepted as the norm. A woman cheating on her husband is unheard of but who is the man cheating with then? Yes there are sometimes single women involved but not always.

What I see here is that the more strict the laws become, the more they are broken. This applies to other things as well - "medication", etc.

I would also think that a deterrent to reporting the crime would be if both parties are punished the same way. I mean, I can see being mad enough at the OP to wish them dead, but most peope probably wouldn't want to have their spouse killed also.

Divorce has harmful effects on children -- what do you think having a parent executed by the state would do to them?

I do find it interesting that the punishments you usually hear about are either nothing or death. I wonder why there aren't more in between punishments (prison, fines, fault divorces, etc.). Fault divorces wouldn't really fall into the making it illegal category, would it? I wonder how many countries just have fault divorces where adultery does count.

Mys

Interesting point piojitos....I guess people will do what they will do regardless of the legal consequences. Maybe the risk is making it more exciting. Go figure....

We could always tattoo a big "A" on their foreheads. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Would that be A for [censored] ???

In Western culture, that is totally valid but here it is not. What you are saying is very nearly akin to anthropmorphism. You are trying to apply Western values and reasoning where it cannot be applied. People here don't think like that and are largely incapable and will likely remain that way for a few hundred more years. According to the Hijrah calendar, we are in something like the year 1421. Mentally they are in about the same place as Europe was in their 1421 (more or less). The edcuation systems are very different between there and hear and the vast majority don't even go to school. There is no quick fix.

BTW, the men are not killed - only the women.

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> I'll bet that would slow the "A" HOLES down a little!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

I will add this because it is relevant to the topic of the thread. Because adultery is so forbidden here, even though it usually goes unreported, they have made a science of cheating. These people could write textbooks on the subject. They have thought of things that will take years to migrate to the West and as technology "improves", it just becomes cheating becomes even more of an art. I have had locals explain all their tricks and I am amazed at how clever they are. I don't really wish to post those ideas here. Where there is a will......

there are angry relatives fighting over the inheritance.

any other CONTRACT that 2 people enter into can't be broken by just one of the people without legal consequences

but even though marriage is a contract...all it takes is one person saying 'i changed my mind" and the contract is null and void

makes no sense!!!

adultry actually IS against the law isn't it? there are just no consequences so what's the point???

it's become just like the old laws that made certain sexual acts, even with your spouse, against the law

so very sad isn't it?

in SOME states (very few still do this) you CAN actually sue to collect damages against the OP

not my state though <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I thought briefly about suing Omelette, Noddy or the Catholic Church (who enabled their affair so blatently) because I suffered from severe PTSD after Noddy left me and my Crohns became so bad I am now disabled by it. It has damaged me now to such an extent I will never recover from it.

I stayed at home to look after the kids. I expected to have a career when they were older; instead I am divorced, have Crohns and I cannot work.

It's proving the case, of course, that is the tricky part. It's easy to feel owed by someone, but it doesn't get you anything. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Alph.

Why?!??!?! Where's the equality? Men don't get killed because they....make the law? Hm.... where's that higher law they keep quoting or is it only when it is to their advantage?!???! No picking on only your environmeent. Same goes on everywhere.

So the law of man is never really enforced. It then isn't a real law in most places, just on the books t/b enforced at the judges discretion. Hm.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" />

What's that word when someone says one thing and then does another?

The problem with adultery is that it is an acknowledged sin, transgression, criminal act, etc. but it is not treated as such for ALL who break the law. Some get punished but not all.

Mostly talk, very little do creating lots of doo doo. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

L.

The men are punished - just not necessarily to death. We have discussed this before on a different thread. If I had to choose between the two, I might take the stoning. The man's punishment is much more cruel.

You're right, of course.

I don't have any concept of how the culture works since I've never been over there. I was projecting how I thought things would go if such laws were enacted here -- I think they'd have the same effect (lots of unreported adultery) but for entirely different reasons. I live in the US and if adultery was made a capital crime (we'd make it capital for both men and women, I presume) I can't imagine very many cases where it would be made public or reported even if the BS knew about it. In fact, it might possibly provide LESS leverage for the BS because things such as exposure would be much less advisable. Most people want their spouses back -- not executed.

I guess my point was that I don't think that sort of law would work to significantly diminish adultery here, in the US, either.

I think the same thing with regards to imprisonment -- like the punishments we have for rape. I actually think less people would expose adultery if there was a chance their spouse was going to prison for several years. The key is that whatever ciminal penalty (as opposed to civil remedy like lawsuits for alienation of affection or fault divorce remedies) has to apply to both parties and I really think most people (here in the US anyway) would be pretty reluctant to turn their spouse over to the state.

Maybe I'm wrong?

By the way, piojitos, I'm surprised that so many people talk about adultery given how forbidden it is. I'd have guessed that it would be the dirty little secret no one talks about but everyone knows goes on. I guess I'm shocked that people actually give details of how they do it.

Mys

I read some time ago that some states were considering making "Gross Marital Misconduct" - mostly meaning adultery - a charge that would stick in divorce cases.

Below is a link to a brief story where the term is mentioned:

http://query.nytimes.com/gst/fullpage.html?res=9403E4D81538F931A35752C0A965948260

Maybe we should all petition our lawmakers about having "Gross Marital Misconduct" become a charge that has some teeth when it comes to settlements and custody in divorce cases.
Mulan

It is illegal in the great Commonwealth of Virginia:

"Under Virginia law, adultery, defined as having sexual intercourse with anyone other than a spouse, is a Class 4 misdemeanor and subject to a $250 fine."

Not much of a penalty. But you do get a record if the charge is brought and you are found guilty.

We also have penalties for adultery in divorce cases (you cant get alimony if you commit adultery, your spouse can immediately divorce you for cause, etc).

Would like to see more teeth in the Virginia law. Maybe make it a felony (which means people in government work would lose their security clearances...nurses could lose their licenses, etc).

I still believe that the adulterrer should be spayed

*******************edit************

It should be illegal at least in the courts eyes. I don't know if it is just me, but there seem to be more men on these boards trying to recover than women. I think that's partly because men know that should they choose to divorce they're going to be raked over the coals for custody and support. Hence, the cliche "Cheaper to keep her". It should be that infidelity falls in the same category as mental or physical abuse and judgements should be in favor of the BS. The way things are now women WS's feel they hold all the cards because in most cases they get the kids, the house and financial support. Not very fair if they choose to commit adultery is it?

This thread is from 2006

just F Y I

**************edit**************

Thanks for the heads up Pepperband. It got bumped up by 0403 and I thought I'd add my .02 cents on the topic.

Thanks Justuss! You sure were quick on those posts! I've sent you an email.

****** edit ******

I think that the real issue with adultery is betrayal. Betrayal is often devastating even when it doesn't involve marital infidelity.

All the best,
Gimble

So, does anyone know how to put a bill together to get something started here in the U.S.?

I think there should be consequences for breaking the marriage contract. In my state, it's "no fault".

I think OPs should be able to be sued as well as the WSs facing consequences.

Mopey,

That would be a great idea accept for one thing. The politicians are just as likely to be commiting adultery as anyone else. So the chances of getting any real change in the laws would be slim to none. It sure is a sad state of our country that things have degraded to this. It is everywhere from tv to movies and music and in most cases it isn't even represented in a negative fashion.

It might be easier for engaged couples to draw up their own pre-nup agreements that take into account the consequences of adultery.

Not that I'm opposed to the laws being changed to acknowledge the damage caused by adultery to the BS and the BC (Betrayed Children), just that on an individual basis it might be quicker and more practical to have a personalized marriage contract. Also, even if the laws were changed, they could change back again to the no-fault mess. It makes more sense to me to have each person clearly indicate in writing what they expect before getting married.

You know how people used to go to pre-marital counseling back in the 'old days'? Well, that is becoming popular again and IMHO that's a very good thing. I like the idea of not only discussing important things with a future spouse but also putting down in writing what's agreed upon. Deciding to spend your life living with a specific person, raising children together, linking your finances, etc. SHOULD be considered one of the most serious contracts you enter into in your life!

Some states do still allow for 'alienation of affection' penalties but I'm pretty sure that's a civil court thing - not a crime technically.

I totally agree W2S. But does that mean we should just continue to stick our heads in the sand and let it continue this way?

Don't get me wrong. I know it would be nearly impossible but if sooooo many people have felt the devastation that we have, don't you think we might be able to rally up some support for this?

Am I dreaming?

MLK had a dream. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />