kimleigh wrote this...

and it very well spells out what sometimes an active WS does not see or understand...

a very very core root of the pain of infidelity....


“The window and the wall

When affairs take place the OW is given a window into the (marital) relationship because the unfaithful spouse generally talks about his marriage with the OW.

However, the unknowing faithful partner sees only a wall. They are not allowed to see beyond the marriage into the affair, which is always hidden with lies and deception.

If healing is to take place, the window and wall must be reversed. The faithful partner must be given a window into the affair and the OW must be given a wall instead. Their (OW) window into the marriage must be boarded shut permanently”


I like the way this is worded....
I am always supportive of finding new ways to the same thing...cause with an emotionally upset WS they can't and don't always hear what people are saying...

or they feel they hear the same thing over and over...

as a BS always look for new ways to reach them..
and this is a good one...

it has very good word-picutures...

but take heart as well for the window in to your marriage is not clear...

it is smeared and foggy and covered in areas...for the picture the active WS to perpertrate their betrayal...

is never ever ever ever ever the truth...
if it was
they'd divorce
not
cheat....

ARK

You're right it is very, very good.

and this:

Truer words were never spoken.

For me I couldn't for the life of me figure out who to call someone a liar, who was a liar.

It still baffles me. Orchids fog babble back is probably the only logical way.

I think most BS's struggle with this one as well. I found out through personal experience that you can't just go around calling someone a bold faced liar. Well you can, but you usually just end up feeling like a fool, and it does nothing to stop the liar in his tracks.

You could perhaps say something like "OMG, your pants are on fire" and then leave him to try and figure out what you meant.

Or you could say "What in the world is happening to your nose"

Do you know that at Customs they are trained in body language signals. Such as if someone is lying they may touch their nose, or their ear, or their mouth. As in hear no evil, speak no evil, etc.

Of course, it does help if sweat is pouring down their face and they stink like a mens locker room from their own nervousness. LOL

Bump