my opinion ..lets hear yours.... - 12/04/07 06:48 PM
Here's my opinion....on and on and on of course on why I believe 'moving out' is NOT a good idea....in the cases where the reason is to 'find oneself..."
what's YOURS?
1. finding oneself is pop psyche baloney....if I told my husband that I needed to find myself...he would react like Archie Bunker did when Edith told him she was going through "the change of life" ...Archie threw up his arm looked at his watch...and told she 'had five minutes to change...."!!
classic...
my spouses boundary would be I got five minutes to 'find myself...'...then we had better get back to the focus on working on making this marriage work...together....
cause that's what marriage is ...big picture...
2. without a definite moving out plan...it is very very very dangerous....
though a "mutual decision is claimed by both parties..." if this marriage gets to lawyers and divorce...know the weapon will become he/she abandoned the marriage...home...and family...lawyers love that stuff..usual advice from lawyers...DON:T LEAVE THE HOME
without a plan with a committed counselor it is very dangerous in my opinion because it's hard to go back...
the person moving out....gets to play pretend part time single person...
when a marriage is full of deceiptful actions....how is it logical to believe the person who needs to find themselves...will be truthful about any of that ...
what about the financial obligations...
what if there is a lease involved...it's like why an ultimatum with a time line doesn't work...
it's like saying you are going to use this time to 'work' on things...when you use this time to be free and play...
why do any work at first at all..you got 3-6-12 months to deal with that...
what about what it says to children...
what does it say to children...
how do you expect egocentric beings based on age to be forced to process this as NOT their fault...issue...or some type of role in the spouse that leaves them..
to a child...they are being left PERIOD....and they don't and can't give a rats behind about any reason that pertains to adult issues...they aren't able to ...in their not quite jelled brains...
no matter how much we adults love to pretend that kids are so much more mature and able to handle this...
they aren't....
and we force them to ACT grownup...when they are only children....
moving out when people already show poor communication skills....exactly builds good communication skills ...how...
distrust will expand...
hyper villigance and vouyerism will grow
tons of energy on what they spouse who left is up to...
if your gonna move you need a mapped out week to week plan of specific goals and hurdles to be hurdled....
moving out statistically...one huge step closer to divorce...
whats your opinion on moving out..
ARK
what's YOURS?
1. finding oneself is pop psyche baloney....if I told my husband that I needed to find myself...he would react like Archie Bunker did when Edith told him she was going through "the change of life" ...Archie threw up his arm looked at his watch...and told she 'had five minutes to change...."!!
classic...
my spouses boundary would be I got five minutes to 'find myself...'...then we had better get back to the focus on working on making this marriage work...together....
cause that's what marriage is ...big picture...
2. without a definite moving out plan...it is very very very dangerous....
though a "mutual decision is claimed by both parties..." if this marriage gets to lawyers and divorce...know the weapon will become he/she abandoned the marriage...home...and family...lawyers love that stuff..usual advice from lawyers...DON:T LEAVE THE HOME
without a plan with a committed counselor it is very dangerous in my opinion because it's hard to go back...
the person moving out....gets to play pretend part time single person...
when a marriage is full of deceiptful actions....how is it logical to believe the person who needs to find themselves...will be truthful about any of that ...
what about the financial obligations...
what if there is a lease involved...it's like why an ultimatum with a time line doesn't work...
it's like saying you are going to use this time to 'work' on things...when you use this time to be free and play...
why do any work at first at all..you got 3-6-12 months to deal with that...
what about what it says to children...
what does it say to children...
how do you expect egocentric beings based on age to be forced to process this as NOT their fault...issue...or some type of role in the spouse that leaves them..
to a child...they are being left PERIOD....and they don't and can't give a rats behind about any reason that pertains to adult issues...they aren't able to ...in their not quite jelled brains...
no matter how much we adults love to pretend that kids are so much more mature and able to handle this...
they aren't....
and we force them to ACT grownup...when they are only children....
moving out when people already show poor communication skills....exactly builds good communication skills ...how...
distrust will expand...
hyper villigance and vouyerism will grow
tons of energy on what they spouse who left is up to...
if your gonna move you need a mapped out week to week plan of specific goals and hurdles to be hurdled....
moving out statistically...one huge step closer to divorce...
whats your opinion on moving out..
ARK