It's been so long since I've been here, I couldn't figure out where the reply button was on your last thread. Until I figured out it had been locked. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

That is the point. When this board started, there weren't moderators. And we had no where near the level of stuff going on here. It's just not conducive to saving marriages...


1. Darn good---thanks for asking! I'm doing different, interesting stuff at work. It's been over 10 years since I first gave Steve H that call asking for help. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> Hard to believe... Mentally, I haven't aged a bit. I wish someone would tell my hamstrings that...

2. Family is great. Oldest starts college next year. The youngest is soon to be 9... Time flies!

3. Tractor is great---had fun scraping ice off the driveway last night. Gotta love the rural life. We've collected livestock since we've last chatted (goats, horses...)

I guess your point was well taken. 2x4's---how's that working for you??? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

K and DeWayne,

I hope you'll allow me to jump in here and wish you both a VERY MERRY CHRISTMAS and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I'm not around here much and I heard about JL, so wrote on his thread in GQ...

... my mistake was taking a look at other stuff going on... and BOY OH BOY... I sound like an old fuddy-duddy, but dang, things sure ain't what they used to be around these parts, are they?

Anyway, I only logged in to say howdy... Take care, men!

Merry Christmas to you too---NB. I hope things are going well for you.

And yes, I'm feeling very old myself...

Tractor rides all around!

Wow K, it's so good to hear from you. I hope things are well at your house.

In all the important ways.

You sound happy, and that at least is good.

SS

HP, K, NB, SS,

Wow, I'm starting to feel like a newbie again. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Howzit? Miss you all. Got a few scars....blazin' battle wounds. LOL!!! Healing ok. You guys and MB taught me to be tough.... or is that just old age?!?!?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

So K's got horses and goats? Kewl! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> We've got geckos, centipedes and wild boars.... what a combo. Guess that's better than the snakehead fish.

http://www.dnr.state.md.us/fisheries/fishingreport/snakehead.html

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Found this in the news.... spooky.

I went back and read some threads from the year I signed on..... wow..... so much has changed. Wish you all could come back and help again. Ok, just wishful thinking but a girl can wish right? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

all the best,
L.

Hey K,
Yeah, part of the problem is that the drive-by troll thing is a real problem. It's gotten worse in most of the internet communities lately. There are a lot more people here now than the early days, maybe that's also part of the problem.

Anytime you gather folks, the larger the gathering, the more doofuses show up, and trolls, too. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Also, the longer people stay here, a significant percentage starts to develop ego problems. That's not good either.

I'm very glad your life has settled into a "happy", hectic pace. You certainly deserve it. Everytime we see the alpaca commercials on TV, it spurs me a little more to give it all up and move to the country where I was born and raised. I'm not a very good city feller.

I think there were a few replies on my thread that gave wings to my thesis. Bob Pure had just discussed how when he was disagreed with, miscreants started trying to stick him with false attributions...then a few replies later, someone attempted it on me...Pretty funny in a way.

==================
Hi NB(HB-II or NB-The Sequel)!!!

When I was thinking about JL yesterday, I remembered that time when you challenged him as to why he was here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> I think it was back in '99. It all worked out in the end wonderfully, but looking back it was humorous!

I believe your assessment of the current state is accurate! Hope life is treating you well, or at least, fairly.

================================

Hey Orchid,
There's a treasure trove of info in those archives for anyone with the initiative to look. Glad you're doing well.

I don't see a real need to come back in any continuing sense. There's a enough savvy vets here now. The 'noise factor' of the self-inflated can cause reception problems, but adding to one side or the other will just increase the white noise.

=========================
Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, Happy Hanukkah or whatever applicable to y'all!

It's always nice to see the old gang show up...

Merry Christmas to everyone!

Merry Christmas to you too !!

And to everyone else !!!

K, I hope you have worked through everything, and that you have smoother sailing these days. I always admired your willingness to work on it......... and I hope God has blessed you with the help you needed.

SS

SS---

I know what you're hinting at, and the answer is "d'oh." Some streaks are too good to end <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> But God has blessed me in so many ways, I wouldn't dare complain (much)!

I wouldn't dare complain (much)!

You never did complain much - not since I came on board anyway. Thanks for coming by and saying "HI". It's good to hear from you.

......... words fail me. I have been sitting here trying to think of what else to say..... but the right words won't come.
The thanks is genuine though, you were an inspiration to me. I still think of you from time to time, and hope things continue to improve for you, and yours.

SS

It's good to have been a help and inspiration. We've all done some good work here over the years. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Orchid is still at it, and just as good as she always was. I have been slacking off lately.

Come round from time to time, and tell us how it is. I (for one) would love to hear from you.

SS

Aloha Peppermint!!!

Howzit? Were your ears burning? I was reading through some real old posts and thinking 'bout cha the other day. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha,
L.

Hi Peppermint,

I hope you and Firestorm are well. Wishing you joyous holidays.

Jo

Wow! 31 years! "Thank you" to the Harleys!!!!

Please give Firestorm my best hon.

Love,
Jo

Hi all!!

What a great get-together! So nice to see old familiar names. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Yes, I'm STILL here,,reading alot but seldom posting. I can't help it. I love to see the miracles happen and they still do--so many of them. Goes to show, that thanks to the Harley's, this is still the best "infidelity" site around. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Glad to hear you are all doing well. We are married 38 years now and looking at retirement.

Thank you MB!!

Hi K, Heartpain, all y'all.

When I arrived here (May 1, 2002) the board had already split into the various forums. I remember folks talking about it being "different" then, rather than just one big board to go to. I also remember some talk about the "old board" getting too big and unwieldly with everything being on one board.

All I know for certain is that I agree with what you said; "That is the point. When this board started, there weren't moderators. And we had no where near the level of stuff going on here. It's just not conducive to saving marriages..."

It's not, it would seem, "many boards" that is the problem, it's the sheer number of people, all with divergent views and beliefs, and no different that in real life, some folks are "liked" better than others and some "gravitate" to others of similar viewpoints.

But that's also a strength of the board. People CAN find others who are willing to try to help who might be more similar to themselves. Even "lively" discussion gives a lot of "anonymous" readers things to think about too, especially since nothing can be done for them until, or if, they choose to sign up and seek help for their situation.

On the "troll" front, they've always been around. There have been several attempted invasions from the TOW board over the years. The "difference" right now is that I think several folks identify them earlier and are no longer "patient" with them because they have learned the "futility" of trying to "nicely say you are wrong," and in some cases they may even "overempathize" (obviously in MY opinion) with other members that they think could be emotionally harmed by the trolls, OP's, divorced and remarried people, etc.

So it's difficult to lay "blame" on folks for "changing" the atmosphere of the system. Each person who does choose to participate and post, beyond just seeking help for themselves, is doing so as a volunteer of their time and what they believe is important in the process of ending and/or recovering marriages blasted by infidelity.

But it DOES get a "bit much" at times because it does take up a lot of time and it is easy to get one's "feelings" hurt when others disagree and begin to "take on" a "opposing" view to what we might be offering.

"Tolerance" of, and "discussion of," divergent and sometimes opposing views is healthy, in my opinion. But all too often it devolves into a shouting match (have let that happen myself over the years, especially beween WAT and me) as we allow ourselves to REACT to the feelings we have. Once that happens we lose discussion and drop into angry argument and no one benefits. Not at all unlike the reactions to infidelity that wind up "controlling" what comes out of "our" mouths. Emotion takes over reason and "wars" break out.

What, again in my humble opinion, is going on more than anything else is "restraint" and "selectivity" in posting. With as many people and threads as there are on the system, "in depth, long-term" discussions and help often wind up getting sacrificed for "blurbs" and "drive by" posting. The sense of "family," of a caring cadre of helpers, gets "lost" in the mix somewhere.

Then people leaving the system enters the mix and THEIR expertise, experience, and posting "style" is lost to the system. I understand leaving the system, I have "left" a number of times for various reasons (from not having enough time to feeling it just wasn't worth "fighting" with others anymore). But it IS loss when others, especially those who HAVE made it through recovery and successfully recovered their marriage leave the system. It's sort of like when the old professor, or group of professors, leave and their "place" is taken over by the younger firebrands. The "knowledge" of the subject may be similar, may even be the same, but the "style" and the "application" is different, perhaps even "edgier" than what "had been" before the retirements.

The "net result" of things is that the "ratio" of "older" to "newer" members has skewed and there just aren't enough of the "older" ones to go around. It's no longer the "small college" atmosphere, it's the huge "university" atmospehere. Not "good or bad," just different.

But it sure is good to see so many "oldtimers" stopping by for a visit! I miss many like HGBrawner, Lostva, SKM, Oswald, Cali, Twyla, OscartheGrouch (may he rest in peace), Twyla, TwoofaKind, Just Learning (who has just recently pulled the plug of his participation), and yes even my "arch nemesis" WAT (he and I were like oil and water too many times and contributed to the changed "tone"), and too many others to list and I apologize to any I may have failed to name, and many many more that were in my own "class of graduates to be" that I would need to list also.

They have all left, and with them the tenor and wisdom they had they offered to the "system."

There once was even another board called the MBReunion board were a lot of "old timers" gathered who were winding down their participation in MB, but who had made friendships in their time here and just wanted a place to talk that wasn't "focused" on infidelity. It, too, gradually faded away. It still exists, but very few ever visit it anymore when once it had dozens of participants, all former "MB'ers."

MB has been a wonderful field of help for so many. But as with most successful things, the field has grown in size and the "harvest" is so big, but the "workers" are so few.

I wish there was a "good answer" to the changes and the various "tonal" changes that occur, but I don't think that there is. The forces of darkness (infidels all) continue on, but at least this place offers the victims a possible shining light of hope in the midst of the oppressive darkness, a place where some will stand against the forces of darkness and refuse to "go down without a fight."

God bless all of you "knights in shining armor" who have dared to stand against the "foe."

But now I'm starting to feel young!! 31 years, Peppermint!!! Woo-hoooooo!!! My wife and I will be celebrating our 20th this upcoming year! And 38 for nerly---that's hard for me to conceive, because you were only 39 when I met you on these boards... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> And of course, a big hi to Jo, who is still active around here (you too Orchid...)

FH---I think you're right with regards to the sheer numbers of people. In the old days, I knew practically everyone's story. Their family. The history of the problems. And I could post to each of them. It was most impressive---there were certainly over a couple hundred folks who I could do that for. Now there are so many more.

Also back then---it seems that the 'counselors' on the board had more patience, and more grounding on what made up the MB material. The internet was certainly a different place when I came here in the late 60's. (OK---maybe it was the late 90's). For example Ebay was a cool, fun safe environment to buy things and meet people. As you mention, the anonymity of the 'net tends to bring out a different side of people---and that side is really harmful on a site such as this where so many people need caring, nurturing, and guidance.


This is a great analysis. Through my years here, there was more than one time where I was accused of being a Harley 'robotron'---spouting the Bible according to Harley, or being Steve H himself. That's exactly the role I chose to play---because I had been recently immersed in the program myself, and knew the material fairly well---I thought I could help those who needed to understand the material and couldn't afford those terribly expensive fees (of $60/hr) for the phone counseling.

We had lots of very thoughtful posters who weren't necessary on board with all the MB materials, but who were respectful and thoughtful and added tremendously to the community---and you listed a bunch of them. I remember one time responding to "Laurie" (friend of HGB)---working her a little too hard, she got pretty upset. I was going though some old email last week---and to my own surprise, I realize that I had emailed her apologizing for upsetting her with some of my "MB insight".

It was more like family then. It was more community focused. And I don't remember the trolls being so difficult to handle. And I don't remember fogged-WS's getting tossed quite so readily as I see these days.


I wish there was as well. I'm hoping that the Harley's come up with a solution to this---because this place does offer so much hope during what is a very dark period in a person's life. I've spent so much time here myself in sheer gratitude for the fact that Steve picked up the phone on a very dark October night, and started me down the path of recovery. Of hope. Of light. And especially during the Advent season, it's seems very appropriate to come back and try to do this for others.

God bless you too, FH---it's good to see you here. And everyone else as well!

I haven't been around as long as many of you old geezers (just kidding I'm probably older in years than most posters)
but when I do post I tend to post in spurts for a few days, weeks, or even months... then wander off again to do other stuff.

I did want to add some more possible explanations for why some posters have higher post counts (mentioned in the locked thread):

some posters don't have to share their computer with teens who spend a lot of time online socializing with their friends LOL

some posters aren't homeschooling their kids who use the computer for educationl purposes

some posters have access to the internet at their jobs

some posters have had uninterrupted internet access (I have moved three times since I first came here and went without internet access at home for long stretches of time over the past few years... and at the library there is a time limit for signing up to the computers)

and last but not least:
some posters keep the same posting name since they first arrived (or tell us when they change their name) instead of coming back pretending to be a new poster

I also wanted to add that I admire the way ForeverHers showed so much respect and patience in his attempts to deal with the most upsetting poster I've encountered here. IMHO the gig should have been up when that poster started accusing even ForeverHers of 'abuse'. Although he was confronting her with the truth he did so in a way that should have been above approach IMHO. I commend him for having the courage to continue to try to discuss things with her even after some posters started demanding that she be 'ignored'. It was clear to me that his intentions were honest and that he was really trying to reach out to her. I didn't see the logic in why some posters continued to defend her and chastise those who saw through her ruse even after she turned on ForeverHers. IMHO at that point it was evident that there were posters on both sides of the troll debate that were more concerned about being 'right' than anything else.

K,

Thanks for posting your story on the Success Story thread.

And thanks for your lengthy post, FH. Not only does it give us Newbies/Rookies a glimpse of yesteryear, it gives me more names of folks whose stories might inspire other new MB posters.


Thanks for those names.....and if any of you posting on K's thread can cut/paste/link your story of recovery on that thread to help give newbies some hope when they first arrive it would be very helpful. Better yet....stick around and make a difference like Miss M is with her "stop your grousing and help" thread!

At any rate, thanks for at least checking in. My DH and I are still riding the rails of the recovery rollercoaster and I will depend on MB for at least another year (must cut back on posting time, however). RIF has volunteered to be the nightwatchman on the 20-90 Something Recovery Vacation thread for at least a year, so that will be helpful.

Again, thanks,
Ace

Aloha Everyone!

I love this thread. Not just a reunion but a walk down memory lane about how MB used 2B! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I agree with FH about the lack of patience on the board. While this in itself isn't new the general when this happens the tenor of the board becomes agitated and scares away some current, newbies and even vets. I have seen serious questions of MB's intent showing up. This isn't good.

In the past when trolls were ID'd, they were identified, given the opportunity via questions (not as much of accusations though they were some) after they were better identified (usually by the troll themselves), the threads continued but the discussion turned away from the trolls and in some cases the lack of attention drove the trolls away or even gave some trolls a change of heart. Either way....they left or changed.

Remember the recipe threads that started as a result of changing the trolls? LOL!!! I mean the subject changed and instead of engaging, we kept the threads going with other subjects. Good tactic.

My point is there was a more healthy respect for POVs while staying focused and giving good support. I wish that would be done more now.

Also, while I am on this 'roll' <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> ...... I wish direction back to MB info and MC/IC was given more often to give posters a better direction.

How can we encourage this?

JMHO,
L.

Hey old folks! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Haven't been on here for a while and thought I'd lurk a bit. But i still pray for everyone. So many new names.

Orchid, you hit it right in the head about how to get it back...

[q]In the past when trolls were ID'd, they were identified, given the opportunity via questions (not as much of accusations though they were some) after they were better identified (usually by the troll themselves), the threads continued but the discussion turned away from the trolls and in some cases the lack of attention drove the trolls away or even gave some trolls a change of heart. Either way....they left or changed.[/q]

I have to say, the way the board has changed is the biggest reason I have stayed away.

BTW - it's been a while since we got together (Orchid), got time in the next couple of weeks?

People have little patience with others and even less faith. To me, it seemed that some people were more interested in being right than helping those that need good advice. And that too many people seemed to infuse their feelings about their own situation into their "suggestions".

It just feels like there are too many bully's on the board and I'm not talking about people applying proper 2x4's. Just those that refuse to accept that someone else's experience would help better than their's. An yes the tone has changed considerably. It no longer feels like "ohana".

FWIW - I agree with the others FH, you're the best.

Well prayers to you all and I too miss many of the "old folks" Maybe a reunion is in order with the success stories and updates.

My wife and I celebrated our 24th last month thanks to all of the old folks here and MB principles. And our 25th is going to be huge!

Blessings to ya'll.

S&C <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Aloha S&C,

Congratulations to you and Mrs. S&C on your 24th.... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

My new fav place to eat is Enfuego's. Check out the website: Enfuegohawaii.com. It's in Kapolei. Yummy stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Knewjie and [H] were out here in Nov celebrating their 10th anniversary. We had a blast.

Sure would love to meet up with you laters. SIL is coming to visit next week & nephew coming EOM. So w/b a bit busy but will let you know. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Aloha to you and your family,
L.

Wow, it sure is a lot of old folks in here.

We will celebrate our 32 anniversary next year. Our son is getting married exactly 3 months from today.

((((Susan))))

I can't wait to MINGLE with you one day.

Didn't you just have a BIRTHDAY??

And CONGRATULATIONS on your son!!!

I sure did, which means so did YOU, right? I AM old so I can't remember, is it the same day? Dec. 4?

YES. We have the SAME BIRTHDAY. I thought so.

My body is OLD..ER..but my SPIRIT is YOUNGER... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

How about you? Still fishing?

naaaaaa....didn't you know by now Mimi that the sport of choice on MB is ..... Trolling!!!!


oh...shoot me! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smirk.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Hey Seasoned Veterans!

(doesn't that sound much better than OLD <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> )

I'm still a newbie compared to most of you guys... but I do remember seeing many of you when I first joined in May 2002. It's good to see everyone again!

I think that it's healthy and natural for seasoned vets to eventually taper off with their postings... I know that I don't post here very often or even lurk if I'm not deployed. Mrs. RIF and I are doing so well that to be honest, when we're together, the last thing that I want to do is come here and be reminded of the past.

I've noticed a huge difference in the boards since I first joined. FH stated it much better than I ever could. Now that I'm deployed again, I try to keep up with any military families that wander through... it's so tough to deploy when you're dealing with an A...

I try to stay away from the mud-slinging threads and "stay in my lane"... If you ever want to stop by for a "fun" thread, I'm running two Night-Shifts now: Idiotville and Acey's "20-90 Something Vacation Thread".

Again, it's great to see everyone again...

Semper Fi,

RIF

No! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/mad.gif" alt="" /> No fishing right now. They need to do some work on our dam so the lake is waaaaaaaaaay down right now. Hopefully by this spring. Hubby and I have yet another new hobby. We have taken up bike riding and apparently <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> vintage bike collecting. Several old bikes have appeared around here! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

WOW! Now I remember about the bike riding. Are you having some MEMORY ISSUES, too, Susan? That sounds like lots of fun..better than my H bugging me about jogging with him. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

Keep poppin in sometimes..

Better yet...Ask Pep for my email...

Mimi, email me.

Will do, Susan! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Hello K,

Long time no see. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> Had to come out of retirement to say hi to you and many other "old timers" that seemed to show up.

K, I am glad that things are going well with you and your family. It seems to me this site needs a refresher on your story and the concept of "opportunity" that you so eloguently taught many of us here.

Things have changed here, but still this is a site that really does help people and it is so cool to see you and others come back from time to time.

Must go, but wanted to tell you and others what a pleasure it was talking with you all.

God Bless,

JL

Hello JL!

Good too see you drop by. Indeed---we do seem to need a refresher course on MB principles around here... and LOL at 'opportunity'. I remember that you were pretty tickled with that phraseology.

Enjoy your retirement time---and if you do choose to come back, it'll be a good thing as far as the board is concerned.

Best wishes and God Bless you!

Hi K,

I told Miss M how much we MB posters who have recently suffered A's (and somehow stumbled onto MB) appreciate you 'seasoned vets' (great term, RIF) for popping back in to help out during a difficult time.

JL.....did you see all the sentiments shared towards you when you departed to your retirement? Hopefully, your cameo appearance will be a re'fire'ment back to helping us...maybe not as often or much as you did previously, but hopefully occasionally. PLEASE? Don't wanna beg you but.....well, yes I do:

On behalf of us MB newbies and rookies and wannabe-vets-in-training, I'm appealing to all of you seasoned MB Vets to stick around at least until RIF gets back in early January. He was able to stay above the fray and provide constant care to the hurting newbies who graced our cyber screens in droves recently and continue to do so.

Sorry to intrude on your reunion so I'll depart with one more word of gratitude.

[color:"blue"] THANKS![/color] <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace

Hey....where'd all the 'seasoned MB Vets' go? Is the reunion over? If so, please know that you're invited to come back anytime, even for a cameo drive-by. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

.......And if you're ever digging around in the MB archives and stumble across a post with your recovery story on it, please link it to (or post it on) the Successful Stories thread (which I'm going to attempt to keep on page one or page 2.)

Again,
Thanks,

Ace

It would be nice if they hung around longer than it takes to complain that things aren't the same anymore wouldn't it Acey.

Hi BK,

RIF used the word 'seasoned' and I think its multiple meanings are appropro.

I am one of the many who have benefited from MB the way it was in 2007. But I appreciate the 'seasons' that have passed, creating the foundation for its future.

To some, it's the season of growing beyond and moving on. I respect that.

For others it's a season of reminiscing for the old days.....we all do it and I don't begrudge anyone for it.

And for others, it's a season for prompting, to try to help facilitate solutions......and if it's perceived as "complaining that things aren't the way they used to be", then so be it.

Either way, I have no reference before this time last year when I discovered that my copy of HNHN (that I had 'accidentally' found on a bookstore shelf) listed this web site....and it's changed my life and our marriage in a thunderous way. For that, I'll be eternally grateful. (You, BK were one of those who helped me a lot when I first arrived and I appreciate all you've done and all you continue to do.)

For even others, especially newbies, some might need a little of the 'way it used to be' for one reason or another. That's why I'm hoping a few of the 'seasoned veterans' drop on back into affair-busting-cyber-world to lend a hand. If they chose not to, however, that's oK..........our 'seasoned' buddy RIF will be back after his R&R....and like Miss M says, RIF IS A ROCK around here. Plus we still have many vets sticking around to help out, just not as many 'seasoned vets' as in the past. With the number of newbies increasing, all help is needed.

A final sentiment regarding 'seasonings' could refer to the variety of flavors inadvertantly added by various posters here. Like Miss M said, some are warriors, cheerleaders, exhorters, lambs (and I can't remember the other descriptions off hand, sorry). Just like with food prep seasonings, it's often difficult to strike just the right balance.....so all are needed at one time or another, but possibly not all at the same time or in the same place simultaneously.

Regardless, I hear what you're saying BK, but I have a little different perspective. Hope it makes a little sense.

Thanks,

Acey

I understand and agree to a point Acey. But only coming back here to complain is pretty self serving IMO. Roll your sleeves up and help!

Hey BK,

Who are you talking about? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/confused.gif" alt="" />

L.

Ace,

Yes, I saw them. I hope to have time to respond this coming weekend. I am really overwhelmed by them. I'm hoping that K will dig out his response from "Why women leave.." where he details his story. It is most impressive.

God Bless,

JL

Wow! Peppermint!! I was just thinking the other day about how the board had been blessed over the years with *two* wise "Pep"s...

W and I celebrate 19 yrs next month!

FH -
Very good and thoughtful analysis. I really don't think there are fatal problems here, just some alignment problems that a good osteo can fix. IMHO, egos seem to be the biggest problem. It sure looks like there are a few who rely on this board to prop up their feelings of self-worth at the expense of others. As K just said:
Run one of these out of town and you get to put another notch on your holster!

Something else in his response caught my attention:
There have been recent posters here who were attacked mercilessly over "non-adherence", whatever their reasons. Again, I think this is ego-driven.

But, whatever, at some point, those I refer to will finally have their EN for admiration sated and will settle down and help in the fruitful way I know they can.

Ace -
You keep imploring "the ancients" to post. Most of the material is still on the board, in the archives. Maybe you should grab a couple of others and form a committee to research those archives to see if there's anything relevant to today.

I went back and found a couple of my old posts for you to read.


Diagnoses and labels by BS(long post)


Post-recovery musings - Plans A and B


K, NB, SS, Orchid, peppermint, Jo, Nerly, FH, S&C, Susan, JL, good to see some familiar names. Best wishes to all.

THANK YOU JL and Heartpain.....so glad you're still checking in....and JL I look forward to your weekend reponse...wish I had Married's email addy so I could alert her.


Thank you for encouragement, HP and that's a great idea! Maybe after the holidays when RIF gets back we can form a midnight posse to delve into the "ancient archives" and unearth some of those golden nuggets. I say 'midnight' since RIF is deployed and handles the oft boring nightshifts on two fun threads already mentioned. This could give him something intriguing to do between posts....notice I'm recruiting him while he's not here to abstain!

So much to say and so little time....I'm approaching my first anniversary of registering here and will be hanging around for at least a second year of recovery. It would be great to have you seasoned vets check in with us now and then to see if those posters with 'overactive egos' mentioned have indeed settled with time. I must admit, your allowing me to 'implore' vets to post successes feeds my admiration EN as well but I recognize it and am honored by your acknowledgment.

Again, THANK YOU!

Ace

DeWayne,

Congrats on #19---of course, you always were one step behind me... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

BigKahuna: Are you part of the problem here, or part of the solution? These posts weren't entirely 'complaining' about how the board sucks these days---there were some relatively thoughful commentary on how they have changed (for the worse) over the years. I've always looked at my behavior and participation on this board as a responsibility. Am I compassionate? Can I help BS, WS, OP's etc? What areas do I need to work on? What posts do I need to avoid?? I do this to support the Harleys---in gratitude for all the support they gave me.

You've been registered here a little more than 2 years. Pretty much all of the posters here other than Ace have rolled up there sleeves and participated full time for at least double that. That's a lot of volunteer work to dismiss as a bunch of 'self-serving' whining. How does the tone of your post serve to benefit the board? If you have this kind of tone with me---what kind of tone might you have with a WS who can't stop their addiction to the affair?

We (some of the old timers) are trying to figure out how we can better serve this board. It's not always easy---for example, I am very unlikely to give a poster who has been here several months too much advice---simply because I don't know their history and I don't know what advice they've already been given. But I will be happy to help advise new posters, or give comments regarding MB methodologies. This group of posters are concerned about the general tone and the quality of advice give here---and we will try our best to help. Not for ego's sake (God and my friends know there's no way that could get any larger)---but because we've seen how much help and benefit this site can be to those going through a most difficult time.

In 1997, my wife started an internet affair, that became full blown when we moved to a new location. After months, I discovered it. I went through Plan A with Steve Harley's help. A period of NC failed. I went into Plan B after that. My wife got pregnant by the OM---as JL likes to reference---I found this as an opportunity to save my marriage. It was also an interesting opportunity to converse with God a bit... We successfully reconciled through this period of time, and that child will be 9 years old in a while. (The long version

I have been through most of the things that can happen to a WS. I was able to learn the MB methodologies through all of this stuff---and for me, most of it worked very well. Steve's support was invaluable for me during this time, and I've given back in to this site in this spirit for many years (many of our older posts from the first year got eaten in a server crash). As JL would say, "I have the T-shirt". So have a little patience and compassion for some of us "old timers" who are coming back tsk-tsking... this site has grown tremendously, there's a lot of work to do, and some of us can no longer put in the 40-80 hours/week on the boards that we once did...

JL:

Good 2 see you come back for a tad.

I posted on your thread that I've lost your email addy. I'd hate 2 lose touch with you if you (or I) should choose not 2 frequent MB's forums.

best,
-ol' 2long

One of my favorite geek tee-shirts has a pic2re of a guy sitting at the bottom of an erlenmeyer flask. The caption reads "If you're not part of the solution, then you're part of the precipitate."


It's a challenge at times, being compassionate in difficult si2ations?

I've found that, though I really still do feel a strong draw 2 participate in the discussions here, I can also feel how the focus on infidelity can tend 2 stall our own recovery. There's a direct correlation between the amount of time I spend here and the quality of the time I spend with my W. That's why I don't post on as many threads as I used 2. Not because I don't care about those peoples' sitches.

-ol' 2long

Hi 2long,

I don't think I've posted to you, but I appreciate your sentiment. I'm struggling with this now, too. When you get the balance figured out, please start a thread and tell us your secret. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

Also, thanks for your post on the other subject above.

Ace

Hi to 2Long, too (or would that be '2'---you know, you always drove me nuts with those numerical posts...)

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Ace:

Well, I hope my registration date doesn't frighten you! I still haven't quite figured out the right level of posting. I once thought it ought 2 be zero, and that I was just addicted. But now I think that, while I may indeed be addicted, I'm still learning new stuff that's valuable - like getting along with people who want 2 argue with me for the sake of arguing (my W is an arguer, at least was during her VLTA).

-ol' 2long

I should probably log in as Qfwfq - he spells his 2s!

Whereas, using 2's for "two, to, too, and capital script Q" (hey, that rhymes!), is sort of a genetic imperative for ol' 2long.

I can't help it! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

Of that, I'm sure... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Clean out your inbox too...

K:

I've been having a devil of a time sorting out the mailbox full problem with that email address. I'm pretty sure I missed a lot after about Sa2rday, when I got my last known email.

That's why I suggest folks use my hotmail address for now.

-ol' 2long

Hi all, and Season's Greetings.

2long tiped me off to this reunion.

I and the "love of my life" are doing very well - together over five years now. I acquired my retirement "home on the water" last December and we plan to start cruising the world in spring 09. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Keep the rigged side up... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Unless it's a Sunfish, in which case it's great to take a bath...

Hey WAT!

Yeah, I know. it was only 15 minutes since I last heard from you... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Folks:

I think I got my email problem sorted out, but I think I lost some of the emails that may have come after the weekend. So, if you think you sent me something, and particularly if you got one of those "mailbox full" messages, please try again.

I'll try 2 set that account up somewhere else that doesn't have such a serious memory limitation, but for now I'm forwarding stuff from that account 2 my hotmail account, then deleting the originals. That's what freed up space...

-ol' 2long

pssst, 2long...

you can just delete the junk.

I mean seriously, just how popular are you anyway?? I have had that hotmail account of mine for over two years and it has NEVER gotten full.

WAT! Wooohoooo! A water front home, a love of your life, and a sail around the world...wow! Which fairy did you get to zap you with the wishes come true wand? I need her. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

JJ:

I do delete the junk. I also found I had to purge the trash periodically, so I've been good at that.

Believe it or not, that account gets fulled-up with only 80 messages in the in box and about 100 in the sent folder, and nothing in any of the other ones.

-ol' 2long

Wow, even Peppermint dropped by. If you're still reading, sweet, sweet Peppermint... I've thought of you so very often... Merry Christmas!

I just want to agree with what 2long has said:
You know, for me, between 1999 and 2003/4... I had over 10,000 posts. I was, ahem, quite a "prolific" writer (read: long-winded). I'd changed my name once, tried to log in as my old name another, couldn't and just added a "II" to my old name (which I now use).

I care deeply about people and would pour over the threads, over my responses, and watched very carefully for signs that I was becoming bitter and jaded, going off the system with my advice, and causing harm. What I wasn't watching as carefully as I should (as I spent hours upon hours here), was the potential harm I was causing to my first marriage, which ended in 2000 and then my second (which is my current and final marriage).

My H and I got rid of our internet last year and it has been a GOD SEND. We play games, watch TV, and talk tons. The only time I get online is before/after work or during lunch - from my office computer. It's not that we couldn't get a computer, because we've thought of it several times, but... we don't... because the temptation to read and write(for me, especially) is too great.

In life, the older folks retire (hopefully to full lives of leisure <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />) and let the young ones take over. That's how I see the transition here... and old folks are always talking about how things "used to be" aren't they? That's all that's happening here...

I wish the new "guard" strength, patience and wisdom to handle the newbies that come in... and for those who have been around awhile and stay, I wish the same along with a dash of needed energy... and finally, for those who choose to step away... I wish you peace... and know that you will stop by now and then... because everyone knows that you never really leave the Hotel MarriageBuilders.

Hi Weave - took a sec to realize who you are.


Ah, er, minor correction: A "home ON the water" - not in front of the water. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

No fairy - just hard work and good planning. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

WAT

WAT... hope you aren't the one to pick the curtains?! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Nice to "see you" and I'm jealous of the on-the-waterfront home... totally cool!

WAT!!
So glad life is good for you.
All the best.

SS

Hola Dave [WAT]!

Merry Christmas to you and your squeeze.

Lv,
Jo

p.s. Glad you took some time out from washing your shoe laces to visit us.

This thread is a blessing to me and other newbies/rookies. Thanks to all you 'seasoned MB vets' or as K calls himself "overbaked vet" for coming out of the lurking woodwork and posting your successes.

K encouraged me to keep 'imploring the vets' to post your/their successes. A newbie just posted this morning about how that Success Story thread has helped her.

For those that have already posted, thanks for sharing. If you haven't, please do so before you wander away, even if it's the cliff notes version of your recovery.

Again, thanks,
Ace

WAT....I've told Bob P., and I've told Weaver/Josie...but I haven't been able to tell you THANKS for your links on delayed exposure to OPS.

No time to elaborate now, but if you have a few moments, you can check out my 'strange story' timeline attached to my sig line. YOUR POSTS were very instrumental in helping my WH and me rebuild trust so that he's earned his F as in Former now.

THANK YOU SOOOOO MUCH,

Ace

Well I'll be dipped, the boy went and got himself a houseboat! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

Hey, there's NB, too.



Me too. Now if only my boss would follow suit and get rid of this one I have at work! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/crazy.gif" alt="" />

Does that make them termites? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

-ol' 2long

I'm really bad, then...

I have two desktops and a laptop in my office here at work, and two laptops and a desktop on my desk below my telescope at home.

My W has one laptop, and she checks her email every morning while I'm getting ready for work. I wish she wouldn't, because I have no absolute knowledge that she doesn't have inappropriate contacts there. But she doesn't know how much time I spend on M-related websites, either (arguably "safer" than having an internet affair, of course, but she doesn't know I'm not doing that, either!).

I wish we could could POJA everything and be open books 2 one another, but the simple and perhaps sad truth is that we can't, at least not yet. We do something of a POJA kind of thang in our own way, but it's not as RH as MB POJA.

I've tried 2 demand something like that in the past (last time about 5 years ago), but have always known that if she (or I) or anyone WANTS 2 hide some secret aspect of their lives, it's very easy 2 do. So, I try things that will evoke compassion and responsibility from my family members, my W in particular. And I try 2 be a responsible and moral adult myself.

-ol' 2long

And I try 2 be a responsible and moral adult myself.

You are pretty moral, but RESPONSIBLE???
SS thinks.............

OK, I think you are responsible too.
Yes, ................. that seems to fit well.

I just had to reconcile it with the image in my mind of a jolly old elf. (does lively and quick fit?)

SS

It's a process, I am finding out. GB and I are both very independent. He has never been married before and only lived for a very short period of time with one women, and I am pretty much the same as far as mostly living alone.

We have to tread very carefully as far as demands on the other. Demands absolutely will not work with either one of us, him even more so.

We managed to POJA a few things such as:

My MB time, and his desire to have one night at Coach's Corner for 5 cent chicken wings and beers with his buds. We have decided to allow each other that, but will let the other know if it becomes a problem for either.

It's such a process to change old habits, patterns that develop over time.

I decided with GB just to take one thing at a time that I would really like to see happen, and work on that one thing.

I am a health nut. I can't stand processed food of any kind...don't even own a microwave. Cook all my own food from scratch, including bread. He is a junk food junkie and his health is getting bad. I am also a very big believer in our bodies being governed by our mind... all alien nut speak to him. So I am slowly introducing him to my whacked out metaphysical mentality. You can see I have my work cut out for me with this one. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

It sounds from everything you are writing here lately that you and your wife are moving in the right direction. Identifying areas where you would like to see change in your life-style/relationship and then one thing at a time.

You've got time. Marriage is a life time work of art. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Hi Ace - it warms my heart to receive your thanks. I am certain it likewise affects bob, Weave, and other MBers who have offered their advice and insights. I, like many other vets, no longer actively participate on this forum. I have several reasons for ending my participation, not the least of which is that my personal recovery requires it. It's no longer wise for me to be reminded of my painful experiences through others' stories. But while I was active, writing posts and attempts to help others was a big part of my recovery - that in itself was therapeutic. Here's why: Even though I wasn't successful in restoring my marriage, my interaction with those who were successful provided positive reinforcement that I had done the right things for my situation. I never gave up and my former wife continued to make all the decisions to end our marriage and marry her OM, my former friend, and pallbearer for our deceased child. In the end, I exited the trauma of both losing a child and losing my marriage guilt free, ready to start a new and better life - in both cases I did everything in my power to save my precious valuables. Hence, I have no regrets and I don't and can't look back - except to apply the valuable relationship skills I learned along the way to my new relationship and to appreciate life's every moments for they can be dramatically altered in an instant. I am a better man and I am busy being happy. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

I encourage you to help others here and when the time is right, pass along the torch to someone else to carry, and leave this place to continue your life smarter and wiser. I am convinced you need to leave to fully recover.

WAT

WAT - I want to thank you specifically for your guidance when I first came here. You are the one that I remember the most in reaching out and pulling me up. You helped me find direction, you helped me find hope, when the life as I knew it was over.

I heard you - through my pain and desperation - I heard you.

I am so glad that you came back for a drive-by, I've hoped for the opportunity to thank you.

I am so happy to hear that your life is going so well. Congratulations!

Fox/Wildhorses (formerly foxnhound1)

WAT,

Every time I read your story, your loss, it about breaks my heart. And to see that you are living in joy now, with the love of a good woman, that your son is doing well and in college... is just about the most wonderful thing to read.

You seem to have made a most amazing life for yourself...the kind dreams are made of. And of course I know that it has nothing to do with any fairies.

Your story is very inspiring!

WAT is cool <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/cool.gif" alt="" />

That's my professional opinion.

-ol' 2long

Ohhh myyy goodness!!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/shocked.gif" alt="" />

How great to hear from so many MB "oldie moldies"!!! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

WAT,,a special request before you take off again for the high seas!
The links on your "Exposure 101" thread are broken. And I think the ones on your BS thread in JFO are also. I contacted JustUss and s/he said they were difficult to fix because the name on the link is not the name of the original post. Could you perhaps fix them or get ahold of JustUss so they can be fixed? Those are such valuable posts.

((((((((old MBer's))))))))) I miss you all!!

Aloha WAT,

Good to hear from you bro'. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" /> 5 years??!?! Where's the time gone? Wow. So when will we get more details? Do I need to bribe you to come sailing over in the big blue? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

Know someone is in charge of one of the local yacht clubs on this rock. Me, I only touch the ocean where I can walk, swim or scuba in it. Maybe a little boogie boarding. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> Not much of a boaty person. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/pfft.gif" alt="" />

Now if we can only hear from Rick37, NSR, Alberta, NB, Topie and the rest of the gang that kept me together waaaay back when. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Grateful to you all....

Good to hear from ya WAT!!

Aloha,
L.

Hey Orchid,


Thanks for more names for our K-inspired 'success story hunt through the MB archives' after RIF gets back.

A newbie, FreeToBeMe1970 was looking for LG's story but couldn't find it. If all MB Vets had their success stories linked to their sig lines (even if there was nothing else there) it could inspire newbies and rookies even more.

What's your story, Orchid? Could you please post it on the Success Stories thread and/or link it to your sig line?

Thanks to you and all MB Vets for all you do around here. It makes is soooo much easier for us VITs (MB Vets-in-training!) to developed the skills we'll need when the guard changes.


Could you please explain that a little more, WAT? Could it true for some but possibly not for others?

Thanks,
Ace

I love putting words in Dave's mouth, so I'll take a shot.

Real participating by 'old-timers' amounts to a counseling relationship (I'm not talking about party threads). You learn about your client (the poster), you get them to fill out the details, you help to teach them the material (links to MB stuff, details of past situations, etc.), try to help them to recognize the situation for themselves and formulate a plan that they're comfortable with and understand.

That's work. Especially for most of us, who are not trained in this field (or play a counselor on TV). Therapists are also trained to compartmentalize their professional life---and situation here can pull on your heartstrings, especially those that are dear and familiar to your own personal life/strife. Dave's story is heartbreaking on so many levels (as are many around here)---although I don't agree with some of his advice, I understand where it's coming from. And if I were in his shoes, I'd probably have a "Policy of Running an ex-F(r)iend through a WoodChipper" in my advice too... If you haven't learned to successfully compartmentalize your time here helping, you're not going to be able to guard yourself against old triggers. Most who stay here do so because they see the good, and throw themselves into it full stream. It's admirable, but hard. And you find as time goes on, you give shorter answers to people because it's the 375th time you've addressed this particular issue. You start to get upset at their situation And then maybe you get upset with yours. All these aspects can hinder a personal recovery.

Add on top of that, once you're in a successful relationship (a recovered marriage, a new marriage), that you're not going to have time for this board. You're supposed to spend 15 hours/week with your spouse. If you're here for 40 hours/week, and you have a day job---something is bound to suffer.

So, that's some of the philosophy behind tapering down and eventually leaving. But while you can check out---apparently you can never really leave... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

A gem of a thread !!!

Anyone fortunate enough to get advice and support from the folks on here should be very fortunate.

I couldn't agree more with spending so much time on here. I feel guilty at times for not giving back as much as I received...

K.... you are so wise...and your advice is stellar...you reached out to me years ago briefly...and your posts are incredibly clear and to the point. It's good to see folks getting GOOD advice.

this thread should be a sticky...some of the most respected MBers around can all be found right here.

Hi betrayed...

It's good to see names around that I actually remember. It means those neurons haven't completely shut down...

<img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

K:

I agree with your assessment of WAT's remark. Here's an example, from my house:

Last night, my W was really tired after a day of running around shopping and trying and failing 2 locate graham cracker crumbs for tollhouse cookies (she found them 2day, though).

After dinner, I felt conversational, but she was intently watching a favorite TV show. After it was over, she was falling asleep. I tried 2 snuggle, and she made some noise that she was clearly tired, and I felt suspicion welling up, like "what has she been doing or who has she been talking 2 2day that makes her seem so distant?".

And it was all from reading 2 much on MB yes2rday, nothing in particular about any of the stuff I read, either. And nothing about what my W was doing either.

-ol' 2long

Hi, please excuse the intrusion but... K? Are you reading? Or any of you other really truly seasoned vets that really know MB principles?

Would you mind dropping in on wonderin's thread on the EN board? She is not a newbie, she's been posting for awhile and a lot of us care deeply about her.

She was on MB to improve her marriage for non-affair reasons, primarily her H's need for AS involved his request that she lose 10 pounds... she's pregnant by the way and was at a healthy BMI before pregnancy, weighing the same as when they dated and married. Her early thread contains all that discussion, FYI, I don't mean to resurrect that dispute over here. Just providing the briefest background.

Just the other day she discovered that her H has been involved with an OW.

I would just feel so much better if K or someone experienced and well-grounded in MBers would look in on that thread.

She briefly posted as wonderin3 due to being out of her house. Her current thread is
http://www.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/sho...e=0#Post3354005

wonderin3 is the same person as wonderin, and she is not a troll!

I hate posting on GQII, I'm sorry for coming here, but I wanted to make sure K would see this.

ETA: I chose this thread because it isn't involved in any disputes and I didn't want to tj someone's thread who needs advice.

what a great idea,jayne...I think it would be so helpful for wonderin (and me too <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />) to hear from a man like k (and others) who completely understands MB practices.

i apologize for the threadjack, heartpin.

Thanks nia... your vote of confidence makes me feel better about this request!

(I also apologize for the thread jack...)

WAT,


So I'm guessin if your yacht leaves for NZ to see Jen, I need to find another ride? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" />

I will say you found a keeper in your girl so hang on to that woman. It is good to hear from you as well as many other vets around here.

Now I am going to cause K a brain cramp. I recall a very bitter poster here when I came or just came here in early 99. His W had had a 5 year affair with her boss and had completely shut him out of the marriage as I recall.

They were trying to reconcile when he was posting here. So now for the quiz. Do you remember his name?

I ask this because it might be useful for those that have been here less than 7 years or so to see that angry people are not new to this site, there is just more of them.

Since I am entering the CRS phase of my life, I need a bit of a boost from youngsters like you K. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

God Bless,

JL

Nia & Jayne,

U R wise to ask help from these guys/gals. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

They have seen a lot and lived to tell about it. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

They also have my utmost respect.

Now seeing that I was one of those caught up in that other GQII war of words, let me know on this thread if you want me to post to wonderin3. I can but don't want to cause any trouble for wonderin3. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" />

It is nice to see you reach out to help others. That's really what MB is all about. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/wink.gif" alt="" /> Not all that war of words stuff. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

take care,
L.

Hi JL,

Hope its okay I chime in.

I don't remember the name of the poster you speak of. But when I was thinking back to my first couple months on MB, I remember Tired Lady's (Tanya) situation.

I remember it was startling to me that both her WH and the OW (Mia) were also posting on GQII. The situation and their posts were so painful to read.

I will never forget the images of that situation. I learned so much about myself and my own situation from what they went thru right here on MB.

Jo

Orchid, IMHO it would be great if you posted on wonderin's thread. I think your reason and experience would be helpful.

There's not a lot of animosity there, any bad feelings are merely that we care about her and sometimes we have different ideas what is best. I don't think it's turned into anyone trying to be "right" for pride's sake, just wanting to help.

It is the EN board so it makes sense to work on eliminating DJs!

I don't know, but I would guess it's rare that someone has a D-Day after months of establishing friendships here with little suspicion of affairs... I think we are all stunned by her D-Day.

Thanks for letting me answer on this thread. I have no desire to swim in shark-infested waters!

Wow another "oldie" comes out.

Resilent, how are you? Yes I do remember that mess. It was weird. I beleive the guy I am thinking of was before all of that mess. I know his name had a number in it. It might have been lost in the "great disk crash of 00" or was that earlier? <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/rolleyes.gif" alt="" />

The post that pained me the most at the time was Facing Choices. Her posts caused me to register after 6 months of lurking, couldn't keep my mouth shut. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/eek.gif" alt="" />

Good to see you back and I hope all is well with you.

God Bless,

JL

Jo,

I remember TL's sitch. It was very sad indeed. Didn't her sister post to us afterwards?

That affected me deeply. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

L.

Rats, I lost a post in2 the ether.

JL: WAT and I lost your email address. Can you email me?

-ol' 2long

2L,

Done.

JL

Are you talking about D99(H)?

The Glenn and Carol story was another tough one, with a beautiful ending that was too short when Glenn died later (a year?).

Yep, I think you're right K. I think he's referring to D99.

Gosh, I felt SOO sorry for that guy. And me, with my anger and hurt about discovery of my H's long term affair, I could really identify with him. To me, that's the danger of running some one off the board. "Someone" is identifying with them. "Someone" is learning from the posts and responses.I felt so bad when he was forced to leave. Just goes to show,things were not all a bed of roses way back then either. We had our "problem posters" and disputes then too!

I had email contact with him so awhile after he was gone but we lost contact. I sure wish he & his W could have stayed. I'd love to know how that turned out.

I've mentioned that I'm one of the many who have benefited from the present MB forums, in spite of how they're perceived by those who were involved decades ago. You're so right, Nerlycrzy, in recognizing that there will always be conflicts where there is so much pain.

So how do you all recall this person was "forced to leave"?

BTW...thanks to all of you MB Vets who have been posting to newbies and oldies while in the midst of your reunion.

And to 2long.....I would still love to hear how you strike that balance in posting time/15 hours with spouse. I try to limit my posting time to early morning hours when DH is sleeping (and I'm often late for work!). I can't post in the daytime during work and I usually lurk a little at night but seldom post then.....but I want to!!!!! (Yeah...I think I'm addicted and my 345 day post count shows it.) <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/blush.gif" alt="" />

Again, thanks,
Ace

Ace:

My W isn't on board with MB methods, yet. Don't know if she ever will be.

But I think we probably spend something close 2 15 hours 2gether each week, though mostly not one-on-one, admittedly.

With the onset of the Great Troll War (GTW), I must humbly and somewhat shamefully admit that I'm spending 2 much time here for my own good.

I try 2 post only when I'm at work and my computer is busy saving or opening a multi-gigabyte map file or something, or when I'm at home and she's out running errands.

But I do need 2 cut back. And more importantly, I need 2 better control my emotional investment in the drama and pain. It pulls me down.

=ol' 2long

K,

Yup, it was D99. His story always bothered me,but he was an angry man, with good reason. Glenn and Carol, man that was a hard situation and how it ended. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

Ya know, I recall those folks like it was yesterday, although the names sometimes fade. I think I've been here too long and seen to much, because few situations touch me as strongly as they did when I first found this site.

Yes, but D99 is a reminder that the "good old" days had issues as well. This is tough stuff and very hard to deal with even if one is not in the middle of it.

Ya, know K I still cannot get over how Facing Choices story ended after all of those years. What a surprise...a pleasant one.

God Bless,

JL

I am doing very well, JL. Thanks for asking.

Seems lots of old timers are here. Next thing you know, Lori (LostVA) will be posting.

Hope your holidays are peaceful and warm.

Jo

Yes, I do remember that LeAnne.

Her sister came on to tell us Tanya was in a fatal car accident. That was so sad. I know I cried.

That poor woman, she never got over the betrayal I don't think. She fought the divorce very hard. It must have been very surreal to have your WH and the OW posting on your safe place. Justifying their adultery.

I still pray for Tanya to find peace. I'm sure she has.

Jo

Oh no. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/frown.gif" alt="" />

I didn't know this.

-ol' 2long

Yup. It's both good and bad---I think being able to compartmentalize this stuff and 'throwing it out' at the end of the day helps keep your sanity. But losing the empathy isn't all good.


Ole' D99H was a tough nut to crack. He was so angry that it seemed he was bound and determined to sabotage his recovery regardless.


Indeed. And quite a surprise. It is a good indication that helping someone go through the rules---even when they're not on board, will have a lasting effect. I had pointed Steve Harley to that recovery when she posted on the Pregnancy board---his comment back was that we reach so many more than we know about. The people who he coaches often point to the boards and tell him of the help they get from specific posters. It's a real indication that participation on these boards can help a great many.

I feel like we ought to be in a pair of rockers sipping beverages of choice and chatting up the old times. <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/smile.gif" alt="" /> But not on my porch tonight---the wind is just whipping and it's got to be around 10 F before you factor in wind chill.

Merry Christmas JL, and God Bless (and that goes to the lot of you...)

How about "NoMas"

Anyone remember him?

So this is where everyone is hiding out.

MEDIC238,

Hey, Hi! I'm an MB rookie (check my reg. date) but I've been appointed to a mission by K (see earlier in this thread) to 'implore ancient MB Vets to share their stories on the Success Stories thread'. I'll even hunt it down and link it here for you and others who have not posted/linked theirs yet.

Success Stories Thread

Many newbies are seeking for hope and hearing that folks can make it is inspiring for them. We'd appreciate your linking/posting your story there, even if it's the 'cliff notes' version. Thanks for seeking out the MB reunion. Sorry for crashing the party, (but not really)! So glad y'all checked up on us...we need your help.

Thanks,
Ace

[color:"red"] Edited to add link[/color]

Hey Jo---I remember NoMas.

And hi to Medic!!! Who still has one of my favorite signature lines... <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/laugh.gif" alt="" />

Hi Medic, how's the new marriage?

Jo

Hey Jo......are they gone? Is the 'Ancient' MB Vets reunion over? Dang, I was hoping to see how Medic's new marriage was, too. Glad you're still here though, Jo.

If you're still reading, Medic (or other drive-by-posting MB Vets)...please take a moment to post a brief success update on the Success Stories thread here on GQII before you 'drive' away.

Thanks,

Ace

I'm still here, Acey. I'm not going anywhere.

Thanks for the kind words.

Jo

Hey Jo, did you see the work Justuss has done on the Notable Posts thread Pep started? It's sliding around on the JFO forum under the poster name "Ongoing" so it took me awhile to find it. Hopefully it will be re-pinned back on the GQIi forum. It is linked to Justuss' note, though, or I would NOT have found it.

Maybe Medic and/or others will pop back in soon. Hope so.

The renewed Notable Posts thread has many Success Stories linked to it so RIF and I will be busy when he gets back. They are now catagorized, too. Woo hoooo! <img src="/ubbt/images/graemlins/grin.gif" alt="" />

Ace