Being forced to trust him before I'm ready... - 07/17/08 07:58 PM
I posted this over in the "just found out" board too, and it was recommended I post this here as well.
I don't know if this is the right board to post this, my apologies if it isn't. I'm hoping it is since it's only been a little over 2 weeks since I found out about my DH's EA.
As I mentioned in my introductory post, my DH is a freemason and has been since he was 15 (he started out in DeMolay). He's moving up through the grand lodge line to higher officer positions, and this is very important to him. Part of his obligation to do that is to visit other lodges across the state - and some out of state as well. Since finding out about his EA he's had two out of state events he "had" to attend. He paid for the plane tickets months ago, says he "made a commitment" to go, blah, blah, blah. They're nowhere near the OW, BTW.
I know this is still really early on, but I'm really angry about this. I feel like it's representative of all his selfishness and self-centeredness he's expressed for much of our relationship. I feel like I'm being forced to trust that he's not doing anything he shouldn't be, long before I'm ready to. I'm angry, scared, and hurt, and pretty fed up. He wants to make things work and has made improvements, but he seems to only want to make improvements when it's convenient to his schecule, and I have to spoon-feed the information to him. I want him to be as gung-ho about making changes as I am. Is this too much to ask? I'm just feeling lost right now in all his selfishness, and pretty overwhelmed. There's a side-group affiliated with freemasonry that's all about partying, and he joined it against my wishes. Since joining I found an anonymous letter on the internet (supposedly fake), that alleges prostitution and sex contests go on at some of these events. Also allegations were recently made that some men in a chapter in another state tried to hire girls for prostitution as well, and the FBI is investigating other charges (though the prostitution charges have supposedly been dropped). DH swears none of the prostitution allegations are true, but he really has no way of proving that to me, and refuses to quit. He says he can see my point of view but knows the truth and is willing to modify his attendance - the next upcoming event is in April and he's offered not to stay overnight to prove there's no wrongdoing. I want all remnants of his selfish ways to be gone. I'm willing to not ask he quit freemasonry, but the other group makes me extremely uncomfortable and I'm very upset he's so adamant about staying involved in something he knows is upsetting to me.
Any input? Thanks.
I don't know if this is the right board to post this, my apologies if it isn't. I'm hoping it is since it's only been a little over 2 weeks since I found out about my DH's EA.
As I mentioned in my introductory post, my DH is a freemason and has been since he was 15 (he started out in DeMolay). He's moving up through the grand lodge line to higher officer positions, and this is very important to him. Part of his obligation to do that is to visit other lodges across the state - and some out of state as well. Since finding out about his EA he's had two out of state events he "had" to attend. He paid for the plane tickets months ago, says he "made a commitment" to go, blah, blah, blah. They're nowhere near the OW, BTW.
I know this is still really early on, but I'm really angry about this. I feel like it's representative of all his selfishness and self-centeredness he's expressed for much of our relationship. I feel like I'm being forced to trust that he's not doing anything he shouldn't be, long before I'm ready to. I'm angry, scared, and hurt, and pretty fed up. He wants to make things work and has made improvements, but he seems to only want to make improvements when it's convenient to his schecule, and I have to spoon-feed the information to him. I want him to be as gung-ho about making changes as I am. Is this too much to ask? I'm just feeling lost right now in all his selfishness, and pretty overwhelmed. There's a side-group affiliated with freemasonry that's all about partying, and he joined it against my wishes. Since joining I found an anonymous letter on the internet (supposedly fake), that alleges prostitution and sex contests go on at some of these events. Also allegations were recently made that some men in a chapter in another state tried to hire girls for prostitution as well, and the FBI is investigating other charges (though the prostitution charges have supposedly been dropped). DH swears none of the prostitution allegations are true, but he really has no way of proving that to me, and refuses to quit. He says he can see my point of view but knows the truth and is willing to modify his attendance - the next upcoming event is in April and he's offered not to stay overnight to prove there's no wrongdoing. I want all remnants of his selfish ways to be gone. I'm willing to not ask he quit freemasonry, but the other group makes me extremely uncomfortable and I'm very upset he's so adamant about staying involved in something he knows is upsetting to me.
Any input? Thanks.