This isn't my situation, but I was just curious about this.
So from what I've learned so far, Dr. Harley really recommends that spouses not spend any overnights apart. What about people that are in the military? Obviously many of them spend nights (weeks/months) apart....does this mean their marriage is automatically doomed? You can't just up & quit either, so how exactly does that work? Has anybody here been in that sort of situation?
I can see why he recommends that, but I also tend to think it's a little unrealistic for a lot of people.
Great question.
My H is not in the military, but the job he does have requires a lot of travel.
I honestly think the travel itself contributed to the neglect of our M on both sides... its an easy trap to fall into. H traveled M-F just about the entire year long, so we really only had about 36 hours per week together. And there were plenty of nights where he "didn't have time" to call me from wherever he was.
We are recovering now. He has a new job, where it is in his contract that he can only travel a maximum of 25% of the year. Without leaving his field, he wouldn't be able to find a job that DOESN'T travel at all. So, the 25% is good.
Mainly we've changed HOW we approach the travel. We were both wrong in the ways that we did it, and we've both changed, and it works better now. It wasn't the travel and nights apart that killed us, it was the way that we approached it.
Anyways, I've often wondered about this too. Yes, I think that in a perfect world you shouldn't spend any nights apart-- and if possible, you shouldn't spend any nights apart... but sometimes for some couples that's just not feasible. In that case, you need to work out what you need to do to keep you connected and both of you happy while you are apart.
E.
Great question.
In that case, you need to work out what you need to do to keep you connected and both of you happy while you are apart.
E.
I don't remember seeing where Dr Harley said it isn't possible. So, I think you are on the right track with your above statement. I just think that he feels that "re-connecting" can better be accomplished by not spending nights apart.
Nothing syaing that you can't re-connect by other methods, though.
Great question.
In that case, you need to work out what you need to do to keep you connected and both of you happy while you are apart.
E.
I don't remember seeing where Dr Harley said it isn't possible.
No, I don't remember seeing him say that specifically either. From what I recall (and I'm still new, so forgive me) he said you shouldn't spend any overnights apart, and that was pretty much it. So I was just curious about people that have to spend overnights (or more) apart, and really DON'T have the choice to suddenly change that aspect of their lives (as in the military).