My son has been asking me if his father(WH) is going to be home on christmas morning to see him open his presents. I dont know if i can handle WH here. Do I just have to suck it up for my DS. How do any BS handle this predicament???

Plan B is complete and total darkness in order to be effective.

What do I say to my son. DS tells me WH says "I want to come but your mother wont let me come over"

Tell him the truth. Daddy is having an adulterous affair and can come if he chooses to end his affair and be a husband and father to us. He can't come here if he is having an affair, though.

I wouldn't recommend it.

The boy needs a healthy and secure mother that teaches him the valuable lesson that abusers don't have to be tolerated and respected.

Of course...this lesson is taught by your actions and not your words. WH is the boys father. But a valuable lesson about appropriate boundaries is delivered when you say "no, your father will only enter this home if and when he ends his relationship with ____, chooses to be my husband again and I'm still willing to accept his apology and restore our marriage. The ball is in his court."

Mr. Wondering

thank you ML for answering so quickly. thats what I thought. Its just reassuring to here it from you. I just always feel like it would be so much better for my DS if I could just suck it up and be the bigger person and let my husband be here for special events like christmas.

Mr wondering when you say it like that it makes me feel more confident about my decision. Thank you.

Suggestion:

Take LOTS of pictures of son opening his presents - make copies - put photos in an envelope and have son share photos with Dad on the visit following Christmas.

voila'

Pep

PEP THAT IS AN AWSOME IDEA. that will make DS happy too.

That's why I thunk it

You could do a video if you're able - let son work on this with you ( tell son : a Christmas gift for Dad)

Don't forget...a small part of this question has to do with the fact that YOU want him there for YOU for Christmas too.

Unfortunately...WH has taken all your choices and just about expanded all his chances with you. Plan B is necessary for your family such that IF and WHEN WH wakes up...you'll still take him.

Even considering having him over for Christmas is a love bank withdrawal you must resist thinking about. Plan B is a taste of divorce for WH. I hope and pray he doesn't like it as much as you and your son obviously don't.

Mr. Wondering

p.s. - great idea Pep....but NO pictures of you and make the background as uninteresting as possible. Don't give him inside panoramic views of the house.

YOu made me laugh MW. I swear if it wasnt for you guys I would be lost. MY WH would be over all of the time and I would be more of a basket case than i am now with no chance of recovery.

THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH

Hang in there