have not been out here in years. Wife had an affair around five years ago (wow already) which almost destroyed my marriage. Something happened this weekend that brought up some old memories and I just want to see if I am overreacting or should be concerned.

Had a neighborhood party this weekend and there was a lot of drinking involved... long story short is I left earlier then her and in the morning she told me I wasnt going to be happy with her. I guess her and a neighbor guy were talking about some deep stuff about his childhood etc and then somehow they kissed innocently and then he asked for a real kiss. She told me she said NO but part of me has my doubts. I want to trust her and actually think she is telling the truth but some long absent feelings have come about today. Should I worry...Should I be happy she told me when she didnt have to. I can tell she feels terrible but the level of guilt almost suggests more to me.

i can't think of what an "innocent" kiss might be.

how does one kiss "innocently"??..

not2fun

I know I know. Supposedly it was a peck on the cheek. But enough of a peck to feel some guilt. It is unnerving because last summer she was on my case about spending too much time around the neighborhood. I never ever did anything like that but I could see her point and backed off.

I dont want to make a mountain out of a molehill but I do love the relationship we have had and dont want to see us go backward... I blame myself partly for leaving. I knew she was out of her mind that night and I know how she used to act in the past. I didnt want to make a scene but should have brought her home with me.

A pre-emptive spin?

What does that mean?

meaning? Sorry...like I said not up on the lingo anymore it had been a long time since I have posted.

that sounds like a neat trick... I wonder how it's done. Innocently and all that.

Judge what she DOES, not what she SAYS.

ok...thanks...so I should be upset. Point taken.

Robbie,

""I knew she was out of her mind that night and I know how she used to act in the past.""

I take it she was very, very inebriated and when she gets this way, watch out! Correct?

""in the morning she told me I wasnt going to be happy with her.""

So very very hung over wife says this to you, the day after.

I would wait a couple days till she recovers and then address it from a more intelligent and philosophical stand point.

You should worry, but maybe more about her *drunken behavior than a her deep desire to be unfaithful. The *DB is always a good (as any) excuse to let things go too far.

Also, maybe have a talk with the neighbor dude. If you know him, and you two are buds, couldn't you ask him straight up?

kirk

Thanks....we have discussed very calmly and she is very apologetic and realizes she goofed but insists it wasnt that bad and it just put her back to that dark time as well and she wanted to be upfront with me. There was no yelling or screaming but I just had a feeling that night when I left and I decided to trust her judgement and felt let down.

We have talked about the behavior (her and mine) we live in a party neighborhood where things get out of hand at times and have agreed to have a set bedtime for lack of a better word. At that point either we both go or both stay and it will be agreed upon before we go out.

She has been concerned with me as well. One of our neighbors has taken a liking to exposing herself to me. I just kind of laughed it off but after discussing with the wife I can see why it upset her. We agreed never to let ourselves into a situation again where we are alone drinking too much and with the opposite sex. Never a good mix.

And I do plan on talking with this guy and asking WTF...again calmly.

"We agreed never to let ourselves into a situation again where we are alone drinking too much and with the opposite sex. Never a good mix."

Sounds like a good plan. Drinking too much and drinking without spouse present is a recipe for trouble.

With regards to the neighbor, I would not want to go to another gathering where he is going to be there.

AM

Robbie, Are you sure she is only confessing some of what happened? You need to speak the other man and tell him. "Hey whats this business of you feeling up my wife"? Tell him "yeah, my wife told me everything." Its a fishing trip but you never know what you will catch. See what he says.