I have some questions for couples who are in recovery.
1) Betrayed spouses: How is your relationship now with your in-laws who supported or hid the affair from you? Do you still allow regular visits with your kids and do you have family gatherings with them on holidays?
2) Former waywards: How has your relationship changed with you and your family (parents, siblings) who supported your affair, now that you’re in recovery?
Why don't you ask her in the same mannor you asked me 4 years ago?
"JUST SPIT IT OUT!"
LOL!
Jerry
... And, so you did Jerry.
I think that the person who had the affair needs to make his or her parents own up to their complicity in it. The in-laws owe the BS an apology, big-time.
My general feeling here would be not to have a relationship with them until my spouse stood up for me, made it clear that he did the wrong thing, and also made it clear that his parents did, too. The parents must support the marriage - and they did what they could to tear it down. They need to OWN it.
If they do not, then they are considered enemies of my marriage, plain and simple.
Those who are enemies of my marriage are enemies of my children.
Why, then, would I ever consider sending my children into enemy territory?
Out of "politeness"?
Were these people polite to you?????
Out of "civility"?
If they were "civil", they would begin by apologizing, opening a dialogue about their own behavior, and making a plan for atoning the transgression.
Out of "obligation"?
They released their obligation to you without asking you anything about it by assisting in the attempted destruction of your marriage. You are no longer obligated to them.
Until they understand - on your terms - that their transgression is HUGE, and what your expectations are for their atonement, I would NOT have anything to do with them whatsoever.
And I would tell my husband that my expectations for him are exactly the same, because they are not doing HIS marriage any good, either. If he cannot see that, you have a LONG road ahead of you.
That is my NOT so very humble opinion. Because I have BEEN THERE.
SB
We're done here folks. BA.