I've struggled with forgiving my XWW even though she has done alot to prove her love and devotion to me in these last 3 years since DDay. Still, for some reason I'm really struggling with this. I believe perhaps it is due to my unique personal situation. You see my wife was my first. Although I had several sexual experiences before her, I never had intercourse with another woman. I guess I'm a bit of a romantic and I wanted to save myself for someone I was in love with. She has been with a handful of partners and she decided to have a last fling before our marriage, which I didnt find out about till 3 months in.
I was crushed. I feel like I saved myself for this!?! I always thought my future wife would appreciate that because it was something that we have shared that no one else has. She could honestly say that she knows me in a way nobody else does. The point of this is that since DDay a battle has been waging in my head, regarding my loyalty towards her. I question whether I could resist temptation is place into the opportunity if the situation was right.
From those that may remember my last post (its been awhile), afer hearing the comments my wife said to her friend regarding sexual details of the affair 3 years later my feelings seemed to have changed. I know this will come across as crazy to the community, but sometimes the only way I think I can get over her betrayal is to be guilty as well. Then we both have unclean hands and it puts us on even ground.
You want to hurt your wife and think it will make you feel better. It won't. It may ruin any chance that you have of recovering your marriage. If you want to destroy your marriage, a divorce would be more honorable.
Wallowing like a pig will NOT make you feel better.
Zack, What she needs to do is show what she is willing to sacrifice for you and the marriage. She is an alcoholic. She needs to stop drinking. Do you know what kind of part her drinking played in the affair?
Thanks for the reply. Now here is where everyone pulls out the machine guns and lets rip. It would not hurt my wife is she has no knowledge of my transgression. You are correct, there is no honor in the idea, but it may not matter to me right now.
Please don't tell me I'm selfish, because I already know that. It is what it is, some other BS out there has to be able to relate even remotely. Look, this doesnt mean I am going to do anything, but my thoughts certainly betray my virtues. I cant and dont expect everybody to get it. Maybe if I had a variety of sexual experiences with many women before things might be different, but I cant help but wonder .....
Wow thats great! You wrote exactly what I have been thinking inside for so long since the beginning. I thought I have even expressed it to her, but I dont think its done any good. She knows thats what I want, the sort of dramatic life changing decision that can help us create a new start, BUT shes not ready to stop.
It did play a part, as she said in the past that she had to be drunk to go through with it.
Its not fair that your wife had more sexual experience than you before you married. You married her knowing this even before her final fling (which was done before the marriage vows). If you think that experimenting with other women will make you feel better, than divorce your wife. Don't become what you cannot forgive. Yes, many of us have had similiar thoughts born out of pain and anguish. Most of us know that the solution is not in heaping more betrayal on an already broken relationship.
It is normal for a guy to wonder what it's like to be with a dozen women. But you have to decide if that is the person you really are.
She won't stop because she is selfish. She has been selfish the entire time you've known her. And that's why you won't leave her - you crave her attention because she is so sparing with it; she always comes first.
Maybe what you really need is some counseling to find out why you have a need to be with people who use and abuse you. Learn to like yourself, to respect yourself.
Once you do that, this will become a non-issue.
Zack,
My thoughts are these: Don't give in to the temptation. Just as your FWW owns the fact that she chose to indulge in an A, you too will own that choice if you do so. It will take something from you that you will never be able to recover. Protect yourself from that. Even though you think it will make things even or it is justified given what she has done: it won't and it's not! That is a playing field you don't want to be on! Keep your head high and don't throw away your dignity and self-respect.
Zack, What more can you say now to her that you haven't already said? The time for words is passed. They have not accomplished anything. Action is required. You may consider turning up the gain by letting her know that if she chooses alcohol, she loses you. Do you want to be a close second to alcohol in her life? Tell her that there is no longer room for you and the thing (alcohol) that gives her the courage to have sex with other men.
Zack, I understand the thoughts about what it would be like with other people. I understand wanting to get even because she was your first.
FWH and I were EACH OTHER'S firsts. Now he's been with someone else. Yes, it hurts like hell and I question whether he compares, and I wonder how he could throw that special bond away. It eats at me all the time. I wonder what it would be like with another man. BUT, I value my character and my morals more than that. I don't want to feel the guilt and remorse that I see in his eyes.
Zack,
Is this poster you also? Click here~~~>
zackmorris : I've got it bad First post from that thread:
I've got a secret that I have been holding that I've never told anyone before and I need to get it off my chest and get some advice on how to handle my situation.
I was on this board a few years ago after finding out my wife had an affair. After that experience, Ive never really been able to get over it, although my wife has really pretty much done everything necessary for recovery. She admitted it on her own,(it was brief PA), she answered all my questions, has been completely transparent, and probably most importantly, has been truly remorseful. Yet it feels as if I can't let go of the betrayal. The pain is still great and even after a few years passing, I broke down crying the other night.
Now my problem is that I have become completely infatuated with a woman I work with. The thing about this, it is completely one-sided. She does not reciprocate any interest at all, and in fact I don't get to see her that much and rarely get to speak with her. She does not know how I feel. This is not a recent thing either, as I have been experiencing growing feelings for her over the past few years. It has taken quite awhile for me to recognize my feelings. I've always thought she was attractive, but thought initially it was just lust or a temporary thing. But it has not passed and it seems to be getting stronger.
Last week I found out she is engaged. When she told me I acted glad for her but deep down I was upset. I know how pathetic this is, believe me. I have worked with her for around 3-3.5 yrs but don't really know her well, so how can I have feelings like this for someone I don't know well? I think about her all the time. I fantasize about her almost every night as go to sleep. Like I said I got it bad right now. Its not that I want to have an affair with her, what scares me is that I can be having this strong of feelings for another woman besides my wife.
Once upon a time, I loved my wife with all my heart, she was everything, then she broke my heart and its never been the same. I know she loves me, but our relationship for me now is love and hate. One day I feel like I really love her and we can spend our lives together, the next day I can't stand her and I feel like I hate her and I'm not in love. Things have been stressful for us lately. We have had more fights in recent times something we rarely ever did (before everything happened) and it seems as if my love for her is steadily eroding. Things have been said which are hurtful and which I have a hard time letting go of. Of course there is much more to the story but this post is already long enough, so I think that covers the jist of it. Thanks for "listening"
Sure sounds like you, right down to the wife with "alcohol problems"...So it appears that you already have your eye on the woman that you want to do this with and are using your wife's affair as rationalization and justification...Here's the thing Zack, that is no better excuse for you to commit adultery than any of your wife's excuses for sleeping with another...As Dr. Harley says, "There are always reasons, but never any excuses."...
You are about to make one of the most horrible choices that someone could ever make...It will sear your soul, Zack...It will haunt you...It is a BAD PLAN...But sadly, it sounds like you have your mind made up, and in that case there isn't anything anyone here can say to stop you...
Mrs. W
I DID IT!!(OJ) hehe
I had a malicious RA almost right away. It does even the field somewhat no matter what people say on here. Is it right, NO!!! Can it possibly save your M? Maybe. What if you fall for this OP??! I started out w/ your same thoughts, but then i kinda fell for her. She started talking me into ending the M. It all depends on WHY you want to do it. DUDE
Its not fair that your wife had more sexual experience than you before you married. You married her knowing this even before her final fling (which was done before the marriage vows). If you think that experimenting with other women will make you feel better, than divorce your wife. Don't become what you cannot forgive. Yes, many of us have had similiar thoughts born out of pain and anguish. Most of us know that the solution is not in heaping more betrayal on an already broken relationship.
Its not necessarily unfair, considering I had the opportunities to have more experiences however I chose to keep that part of myself for someone I was in love with. I knew when I married her about her past BUT THAT WAS BEFORE OUR R. I could live with what happened prior to us meeting but for her to decide to indulge in another sexual experience when she was to be my wife?! What would/could she possibly gain? Don't get me wrong here, my wife is carrying a large burden of guilt upon her for what she has done and I know she regrets everything and it troubles her deeply.
Its not that I want to experiment with other women as if it would be a regular thing and lifestyle for me. I'm just saying that if the opportunity was to arise (have to be with the right person), I question if could resist temptation and I think I might be open to gain a little NEW life experience, on a limited/one time deal, and this could be done with little or no regret. But hey I could be wrong.
It is normal for a guy to wonder what it's like to be with a dozen women. But you have to decide if that is the person you really are.
She won't stop because she is selfish. She has been selfish the entire time you've known her. And that's why you won't leave her - you crave her attention because she is so sparing with it; she always comes first.
Maybe what you really need is some counseling to find out why you have a need to be with people who use and abuse you. Learn to like yourself, to respect yourself.
Once you do that, this will become a non-issue.
Thanks Cat, no I dont really want to know what its like to be with a dozen women, just a half dozen! LOL Just Kidding! :)p It just about having a new experience in life, its very hard to explain my feelings.
I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of my situation. I know its hard to get all the info about a persons life/history on a forum post. She's not abusive, actually she does alot for me. Besides the drinking, almost everything else is great. Of course, for me there is an association with her drinking and making bad choices.
Zack,
My thoughts are these: Don't give in to the temptation. Just as your FWW owns the fact that she chose to indulge in an A, you too will own that choice if you do so. It will take something from you that you will never be able to recover. Protect yourself from that. Even though you think it will make things even or it is justified given what she has done: it won't and it's not! That is a playing field you don't want to be on! Keep your head high and don't throw away your dignity and self-respect.
Thank you for your insightful and encouraging comments. I will take them into consideration.
Zack, What more can you say now to her that you haven't already said? The time for words is passed. They have not accomplished anything. Action is required. You may consider turning up the gain by letting her know that if she chooses alcohol, she loses you. Do you want to be a close second to alcohol in her life? Tell her that there is no longer room for you and the thing (alcohol) that gives her the courage to have sex with other men.
Thats great and in theory it makes perfect sense! But in the real world things are a little more complicated. I have considered laying out such an ultimatum, but its not practical or strategically sound to do so now with our current circumstances. I still do really love her though.
Zack, I understand the thoughts about what it would be like with other people. I understand wanting to get even because she was your first.
FWH and I were EACH OTHER'S firsts. Now he's been with someone else. Yes, it hurts like hell and I question whether he compares, and I wonder how he could throw that special bond away. It eats at me all the time. I wonder what it would be like with another man. BUT, I value my character and my morals more than that. I don't want to feel the guilt and remorse that I see in his eyes.
Wow Drgnfly, thats a incredible story. I think in your situation you can probably understand a little better whats its like for me. You and your H had a bond that was special, and you two knew each other in a way that nobody else has.(or had) That is both special and rare in todays world. Thanks for your reply
Zack,
Is this poster you also? Click here~~~>
zackmorris : I've got it bad First post from that thread:
I've got a secret that I have been holding that I've never told anyone before and I need to get it off my chest and get some advice on how to handle my situation.
I was on this board a few years ago after finding out my wife had an affair. After that experience, Ive never really been able to get over it, although my wife has really pretty much done everything necessary for recovery. She admitted it on her own,(it was brief PA), she answered all my questions, has been completely transparent, and probably most importantly, has been truly remorseful. Yet it feels as if I can't let go of the betrayal. The pain is still great and even after a few years passing, I broke down crying the other night.
Now my problem is that I have become completely infatuated with a woman I work with. The thing about this, it is completely one-sided. She does not reciprocate any interest at all, and in fact I don't get to see her that much and rarely get to speak with her. She does not know how I feel. This is not a recent thing either, as I have been experiencing growing feelings for her over the past few years. It has taken quite awhile for me to recognize my feelings. I've always thought she was attractive, but thought initially it was just lust or a temporary thing. But it has not passed and it seems to be getting stronger.
Last week I found out she is engaged. When she told me I acted glad for her but deep down I was upset. I know how pathetic this is, believe me. I have worked with her for around 3-3.5 yrs but don't really know her well, so how can I have feelings like this for someone I don't know well? I think about her all the time. I fantasize about her almost every night as go to sleep. Like I said I got it bad right now. Its not that I want to have an affair with her, what scares me is that I can be having this strong of feelings for another woman besides my wife.
Once upon a time, I loved my wife with all my heart, she was everything, then she broke my heart and its never been the same. I know she loves me, but our relationship for me now is love and hate. One day I feel like I really love her and we can spend our lives together, the next day I can't stand her and I feel like I hate her and I'm not in love. Things have been stressful for us lately. We have had more fights in recent times something we rarely ever did (before everything happened) and it seems as if my love for her is steadily eroding. Things have been said which are hurtful and which I have a hard time letting go of. Of course there is much more to the story but this post is already long enough, so I think that covers the jist of it. Thanks for "listening"
Sure sounds like you, right down to the wife with "alcohol problems"...So it appears that you already have your eye on the woman that you want to do this with and are using your wife's affair as rationalization and justification...Here's the thing Zack, that is no better excuse for you to commit adultery than any of your wife's excuses for sleeping with another...As Dr. Harley says, "There are always reasons, but never any excuses."...
You are about to make one of the most horrible choices that someone could ever make...It will sear your soul, Zack...It will haunt you...It is a BAD PLAN...But sadly, it sounds like you have your mind made up, and in that case there isn't anything anyone here can say to stop you...
Mrs. W
Great job Mrs W, that was my post from a while back. I couldnt have found that post if I looked for it. Yes, I did start to feel an emotional attraction to this woman, but some things have changed since that post. I no longer work at that company and havent for several months. I though it best considering my feelings, although I must admit I still think of her frequently and feel the urge to see her or just hear her voice.
No I havent made my mind up at all, like I stated earlier the battle has never stop waging in my head. To be loyal or free to carefully and safely experience something new before I die. If you read my prvious post, regaring something disturbing I overheard, then maybe you can see why its not so easy to be loyal after hearing her speak of such hurtful and dishonorable matters.
It is normal for a guy to wonder what it's like to be with a dozen women. But you have to decide if that is the person you really are.
She won't stop because she is selfish. She has been selfish the entire time you've known her. And that's why you won't leave her - you crave her attention because she is so sparing with it; she always comes first.
Maybe what you really need is some counseling to find out why you have a need to be with people who use and abuse you. Learn to like yourself, to respect yourself.
Once you do that, this will become a non-issue.
Thanks Cat, no I dont really want to know what its like to be with a dozen women, just a half dozen! LOL Just Kidding! :)p It just about having a new experience in life, its very hard to explain my feelings.
I'm not sure I agree with your assessment of my situation. I know its hard to get all the info about a persons life/history on a forum post. She's not abusive, actually she does alot for me. Besides the drinking, almost everything else is great. Of course, for me there is an association with her drinking and making bad choices.
I didn't say she was abusive. I said she was selfish. That means that, her whole life, she will pick her OWN happiness over yours, every time. Are you willing to accept coming second for the rest of your life?
Zack,
You know, I have been around for awhile (on this board and on this planet), and I have noticed something about people. They really only have problems until they get sick of them, then they solve them or they walk away from them.
So what path are you going to take? IF you want to solve the problem, then you need to address you and your inability to forgive, your inability to avoid thinking she did this TOO YOU, your inability to discuss this with her. If you want to walk away, the HONORABLE thing to do is divorce her and seek your happiness with another woman, better suited to you.
It seems to me YOU created this standard of celibacy for yourself. IT was something you were proud of, something you felt you should and wanted to bring to the marriage. You married a woman that did not bring this to your marriage. She clearly did not value her virginity as you did yours, yet you married her. Now you want to hold her up to your standards.
Yes, she went with another man, but if you want to get technical she did NOT cheat in your marriage. From all of the data she has been consistently honest in her vows. She has not strayed from them. Technically, she did not cheat, but she did betray your relationship BEFORE the marriage.
So you have a problem that really only you can address. Do you stay or do you go. Rest assured YOU will be the cheater in your marriage if you seek out another woman. YOu will be the wayward spouse, you will be the man who has lost his honor and broken his vows.
Let's get honest here, YOU are the one thinking about cheating NOT your W. She has honored her vows. So let's talk about you and what is inside you.
You see while you think your virginity was/is a gift, I think keeping ones vows is a far greater gift, and I think little of your morals, your ethics, your honor if you feel that defiling them is going to somehow help YOU or your marriage.
Time to face the real problem NOW. It is YOU.
Please think about this. I am NOT swinging a 2x4, I am swinging a damnnnn beam. WAKE UP.
God Bless YOU,
JL
Spot on JL! Swing that beam...
I'm confused. He said 3 years since D-Day. Was there a D-Day (+ affair) or not?
She had a "last fling" before their marriage, but Zack didn't find out about the fling until 3 months after they were married.
So JL is absolutely right. Zack is holding his wife to HIS standards, not standards she had (and was honest about) before the wedding date. She's honored her vows to forsake all others "from this day forth".
Zack, you need to decide if you can live with the knowledge of the fling with integrity. If you cannot, then you need to D your wife.
I think perhaps the best thing you could do is sit down with your wife and POJA some boundaries for her. For example, she only drinks when you're around. Or she only drinks at home but not social events. Something like that. It seems that her use of alcohol is a huge trigger for you and it needs to be addressed.
Its not necessarily unfair, considering I had the opportunities to have more experiences however I chose to keep that part of myself for someone I was in love with.
This is an honorable man. You achieved this goal. The real question here is do you want to remain an honorable man, with good morals. If so, you are veering down the wrong path. If you want to be a selfish, morally lacking, cheater then you can continue.
Its not that I want to experiment with other women as if it would be a regular thing and lifestyle for me. I'm just saying that if the opportunity was to arise (have to be with the right person), I question if could resist temptation and I think I might be open to gain a little NEW life experience, on a limited/one time deal, and this could be done with little or no regret. But hey I could be wrong.
We assume that if the opportunity arises, most people cannot stop themselves. Obviously in the past you could, but now you may you have no reason to stop (i.e. what would my W do...oh wait, she would NOT stop so why should I).
However, we do not gain happiness from others. We gain it from within. How would you feel about yourself if you went through with it? What if your W killed herself? Would you feel bad then? Although I doubt it, adultery wreaks havoc upon all parties. Just because she did it, does not mean it would not hurt her. Then you have to live knowing the pain you inflicted on someone else...
P.S. I also used to know I could never cheat. Had opportunities but never took them. Now, I also KNOW I would cheat if placed in the right position (b/c the 'special' has been annihilated). Therefore, I keep myself out of those positions b/c I do not want to risk everything that is important to me!
"Technically, she did not cheat, but she did betray your relationship BEFORE the marriage."
They had an exclusive relationship, she banged another man. How is that not cheating?
His WW then further cheated on Zach by witholding this information til after they were married.
His selfish WW took away Zach's decision and right to decide if he wanted to marry a cheater.
Zach is not holding his WW to his standards on virginity. He knew she was active before they married. He acepted that. Zach's problem is how she cheated before they married then the way she chose to bang the OM, she chose to withold the truth from Zach.
Total deceit from before the I do's. WW took away his ability to say I don't by cheating then hiding it.
I will tell Zach that forget the RA. They never solve anything. Only causing more problems and more hurt.
Its not necessarily unfair, considering I had the opportunities to have more experiences however I chose to keep that part of myself for someone I was in love with.
This is an honorable man. You achieved this goal. The real question here is do you want to remain an honorable man, with good morals. If so, you are veering down the wrong path. If you want to be a selfish, morally lacking, cheater then you can continue.
Its not that I want to experiment with other women as if it would be a regular thing and lifestyle for me. I'm just saying that if the opportunity was to arise (have to be with the right person), I question if could resist temptation and I think I might be open to gain a little NEW life experience, on a limited/one time deal, and this could be done with little or no regret. But hey I could be wrong.
We assume that if the opportunity arises, most people cannot stop themselves. Obviously in the past you could, but now you may you have no reason to stop (i.e. what would my W do...oh wait, she would NOT stop so why should I).
However, we do not gain happiness from others. We gain it from within. How would you feel about yourself if you went through with it? What if your W killed herself? Would you feel bad then? Although I doubt it, adultery wreaks havoc upon all parties. Just because she did it, does not mean it would not hurt her. Then you have to live knowing the pain you inflicted on someone else...
P.S. I also used to know I could never cheat. Had opportunities but never took them. Now, I also KNOW I would cheat if placed in the right position (b/c the 'special' has been annihilated). Therefore, I keep myself out of those positions b/c I do not want to risk everything that is important to me!
Thanks for the positive comments. The main thing relates to a post I made several months ago about a conversation i "Overheard" whereby she was mentioning sexual details regarding her affair (with her friend while they were drinking) and this is 3 years post DDAy and she claims to hold anger and animosity toward the OM. Tough things for any husband to hear. Hearing those comments seemed to change something in me, I still love her but I dont hold the same perspective on loyalty that I once did.
Listen Zack, EVERY SINGLE INDIVIDUAL that becomes a WS comes up with "the straw that broke the camel's back" in order to justify the affair, but the truth is, there is NOTHING that justifies it...N-O-T-H-I-N-G...So even though what your wife said hurt you, and rightfully so, that still does NOT give you license to have an affair...
You have MANY choices besides having an affair...That will NOT take away your hurt...That will make your life FAR worse...GUARANTEED...I'd hate to see you divorce, but I'd rather see that than to see you have an affair...
How about calling Steve Harley? How about going to the next MB Weekend Seminar? (I believe the next one is in August - click on the link at the top of the page and see)...Try to fix what is broken in the correct manner...Whaddaya say?
Mrs. W
Zack,
Have you talked to your wife about your feelings? Have you sat her down, looked her in the eyes and communicated not only your deep hurt to her, but ALSO the fact that you are now considering an affair? (I so know you haven't of course)...
Zack, do you know what I would give to have sat Mr. W down and said, "Look, you are never home...this leaving for work at 7:30 am and not returning until after midnight is killing me - when I call and you blow me off it hurts me so much...And I'm also ANGRY...When you told me that we could move back to my hometown and then pulled it out from under me, it REALLY tore my heart out - I feel like that was "the straw that broke the camel's back"...It made me want to DIE - I was considering suicide - planning it...And now that I've been talking to my ex-boyfriend and he's been paying attention to me, listening to me and flattering me, it feels so good...We've started recalling old times and that is stirring feelings in me that I haven't had in so long...And we've talked about meeting when I go to visit my parents for Spring Break."
Instead I did what the typical WS does and dropped what I thought were GREAT HINTS...I said things like, "You are pushing me away".
I WANTED him to be a mind reader...sorta...I gave him enough in WS speak so that I could tell myself, "See, I gave him a chance to stop me and he did NOTHING! He doesn't care anyway!" All ways that I could justify what I was about to do...So wrong...So unfair...He deserved the whole truth and that is NOT what he got...Not even close...And it cost us so much, Zack...And it was NOT anywhere close to worth it...
I implore you to TALK to your wife...To give her full openness & honesty...It's the ONLY way...REALLY...Becoming an adulterer is a fate that I'd wish on no one...and oh sheesh, PLEASE, PLEASE don't make your wife a BS...NO ONE DESERVES THAT...
Zack, will you please listen to me? You'll be so glad you did...Really...No one EVER regrets doing the right thing...
Mrs. W
Zack,
I have read some of your past. It seems you find yourself in a relatively short M to an alcoholic. She has admitted to a preM cheating, if you were already engaged then this is the SAME as an actual A. Also you do not know that there was no post M cheating. So, my question is why are you staying?
It may be that you can't forgive this. Well then get a D and move one. Don't make yourself into a cheater. That will hurt you forever, you will have gone from a man who saved himself for his W to a man who cheats on his W. It was easier for me in that I no longer felt the emotion of love for my XWW, but emotions can mislead us.
Are you getting some counseling?
Zack,
Have you talked to your wife about your feelings? Have you sat her down, looked her in the eyes and communicated not only your deep hurt to her, but ALSO the fact that you are now considering an affair? (I so know you haven't of course)...
Zack, do you know what I would give to have sat Mr. W down and said, "Look, you are never home...this leaving for work at 7:30 am and not returning until after midnight is killing me - when I call and you blow me off it hurts me so much...And I'm also ANGRY...When you told me that we could move back to my hometown and then pulled it out from under me, it REALLY tore my heart out - I feel like that was "the straw that broke the camel's back"...It made me want to DIE - I was considering suicide - planning it...And now that I've been talking to my ex-boyfriend and he's been paying attention to me, listening to me and flattering me, it feels so good...We've started recalling old times and that is stirring feelings in me that I haven't had in so long...And we've talked about meeting when I go to visit my parents for Spring Break."
Instead I did what the typical WS does and dropped what I thought were GREAT HINTS...I said things like, "You are pushing me away".
I WANTED him to be a mind reader...sorta...I gave him enough in WS speak so that I could tell myself, "See, I gave him a chance to stop me and he did NOTHING! He doesn't care anyway!" All ways that I could justify what I was about to do...So wrong...So unfair...He deserved the whole truth and that is NOT what he got...Not even close...And it cost us so much, Zack...And it was NOT anywhere close to worth it...
I implore you to TALK to your wife...To give her full openness & honesty...It's the ONLY way...REALLY...Becoming an adulterer is a fate that I'd wish on no one...and oh sheesh, PLEASE, PLEASE don't make your wife a BS...NO ONE DESERVES THAT...
Zack, will you please listen to me? You'll be so glad you did...Really...No one EVER regrets doing the right thing...
Mrs. W
Thanks Mrs W,
Although I have talked to her before its not much use when she continues to drink everyday. She comes home from work and drink 8-12 beers a night! I not sure we can achieve the marriage i need if she continues like this. At this point I am considering Plan D, so the fling thing may not even be an issue. I can open my heart up but if she doesnt want to change her life what good can it do?
Ahhhhhhhhhh yes, that's right Zack, she's an alcoholic...The MB plans will not work with an active alcohoiic...So what you need to do is get yourself to an Alanon meeting right away...Are you willing to do that? Zack, you are going to have to set firm boundaries with her...You know, requiring that she go to AA - 90 meetings in 90 days or you are out...Zack, you having an affair will NOT solve your problems with her...Do you understand that? Having an affair will only make your life more difficult...I'd much rather see you divorce that do that...
Mrs. W