We live in California....near S.F. and I am pretty much thinking that in three months....I am going to pack up and leave to another state with or without my WH.

I have three kids 18,16,8 and don't like the thought of leaving my life and small business (which took me years to grow) here but my H has been in an affair (8 years and just discovered for sure by me a few days ago) with a women in the area and there is no way he would be able to break his addiction to her here. Grrr.

After my plan Aing, he will either stay with her or follow us when I leave.

Any input?

Sorry you find yoru self here.
I have a few Q's for you
How did you find out about the A ?
What was his response to your D day discovery ?
How do you know he wont be able to break his addiction to her ?
Has he ended the affair ?
Is there NC established ?

I did not see your other posts till after I posted so now I have a new q?

Why did you title your other post in JFO with the word Hurray in it. I know MB can be exciting but you cant be that excited to be here.:crosseyedcrazy:

The title there is because I could log in.

I have been reading for years and not posting due to log in problems with my computer and the site.

It was a hurray of relief that I could do it when I needed it most.

I find it interesting that you found it more important to reply to the question establishing your credibility rather than the several questions about the A first.

But since you have replied let me add that I find it interesting that you were reading this site for years even though you just found out about your H's A recently.

Good Luck to you on your personal recovery, I anticipate you have a long bumpy road ahead!

What planet are you on?

You really, really didn't read my first post on JFO.

The affair started 8 1/2 years ago. My marriage was junk and I was registered under another name, there was a site upgrade that made it difficult to log in (before your time) and I kept reading to find information to help me.

You are rude and totally off topic and I won't pay attention to you again.

And.....we all have long bumpy roads ahead.

Any one else out there who can reply to my OP?

Okay....days past and I am putting the moving out of state on hold.

I am plan A-ing the best I can. Trying to do things with him like play music, go to do things he would normally do alone or with OW (errands in his car), and trying not to love bust.

I am letting him see my emotion (sadness and madness that is contained) and I am also trying to have time where it isn't all about the affair.

It is so tough thinking back to things that were clues to the affair that I couldn't actually connect to one. Lots of things. Items in his car, new activities he did , new foods, growing a beard. Ugh.

Hi reading, is this your first thread? If not, it helps to keep to one thread so we can read from beginning.

Have fun Plan Aing. I pulled off some very creative and powerful stuff.

This is hard, no doubt about it, remember to watch yourself for any expectations. Just keep doing YOUR PLAN

Hi reading,

Not everybody reads the other columns. Another fault of some of us, is that we read too many columns and try to provide quick help.

It may help you if you write a short history of your situation at the bottom of the page.

I am pleased that you have been lurking. Many of the answers that you hear will apply to you too. I have been here quite a while and continue to learn more and more each time I read the articles.

Your answer of escaping the source of the problem is a very good one. Please learn to establish a POJA in your marriage and initiate Extraordinary Precautions to prevent further damage.

I also recommend that you visit a MB weekend course at your earliest convenience.

Here is a link to my story on Just Found Out

http://forum.marriagebuilders.com/ubbt/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2259787#Post2259787

I mailed a letter to expose to OW's ex or estranged H today (I put in in the post office mail box so it'll go out to him tomorrow on the first Monday pickup).

I had tried calling him but kept getting his answering machine when I tried.

The letter says OW has been having an affair with my H, I want to save my marriage and she is a third party in the way of that.
I gave him my cell number to call if he wants to talk about it.

Meanwhile, he is the one who can tell OW's mom in India. He must know her having been the son in law.

Keep tabs on his communication if you can. MB says to tell as many people in a very short time.

I am reluctant to agree completely with this method. If there is no response tell your friends, his company, his parents, her friends. Try be reasonable in approaching the folk and explain that you are trying to save you marriage and need their help.

I have told his cousin he has a close relationship with, his two living sisters (affair started after his youngest sister died 8 years ago), his best friends, my folks (who he is close to), one of my brothers (who has a relationship with him) and now the OW's exH (once the mail gets to him).

How was their response?