Atena-
First off {{{{{Atena}}}}}
She spends all the weekend with my H.
The pain is excruciating. I know she is there with him, he cooks for her, gives her attention...they make love. All things he used to do with me.
How can he obliterate me like that from his life. As if 20 years of M never were there. �
But this indifference that he has been keeping up now even when we were still together is unbearable. Will I ever forget him???? My heart is so broken. I am sobbing incontrollably.The pain is big!
The pain is unbearable at times. This past week has been very tough for me, it has been very raw... and it's been a year for me. I thought I had hit rock bottom months ago, but here I am again. The thought of climbing up the slippery slope is daunting but I will do it again... and you will too.
I also have the same thoughts too. I have also read that the opposite of Love is Indifference not Hate. I feel that WH is feeling very indifferent towards me. So does that mean he does not love me after 17 yrs of marriage, he is just moving on without so much as a glance back? I also feel that lately he is feeling indifferent towards our sons... how heartbreaking.
I see WH as a shell of the man that DH was, even his beautiful, clear blue eyes are clouded over- if that makes sense. I see him as a teeenager having a temper tantrum. I see him searching for something to fill an emptiness that he feels he has. And this is overriding his integrity. If only he is able to realize this too.
Reading through your thread, several things jumped out at me from you and Queenie that have focused me and set me to thinking. For that I thank you.
The true reality is G-d removed my H from my life for a season because we BOTH were hurting. Together we were caught in a vicious circle of pain and destruction in a family and G-d needed us to be away and learn about things separately.
Yes Queeny we were both hurting for a while H and me. I can see how g-d saw that and decided to separate us. It is only separated that we can heal.
It was when I truly turned my WH over to G-d or TRULY turned my love for my H over to G-d as a sacrifice of FAITH to him was it ONLY then when things began to shift in a faster pace. Only I didn't know they were shifting because I couldn't see the other side of the mountain.
I am struggling with turning WH completely over to God. I feel myself getting very close to doing this, but then I pull it back. Why? Is it fear, grief, loss?
Just yesterday I had the opportunity of driving without and DSs with me. I used this time to pray, talk, cry with God.... and ask for assurance that I was on His path, I am where I need to be... Now I don't know if what happened next was coincidence or my assurance. The next 2 songs on the radio were Stevie Nicks'/Don Henley's "Leather & Lace" (holds special meaning to me and H) and a new song by David Cook "Come Back to Me". These lyrics are powerful:
I can't get close if you're not there
I can't get inside if there's no soul there
I can't face you, I can't save you
It's something you'll have to do
So I'll let you go, I'll set you free
And when you've seen what you need to see
When you find you, come back to me
Come back to me
Sorry, I didn't intend for this to be so long or a thread jack.... Jumping back to my thread.
Take care of you and love you for you Atena.
Kateydid