I know you are looking for encouragement...here is some:<P>4-6 months in the scope of affair recovery doesn't really scratch the surface of the time it takes to heal<P>BUT<P>you will heal.<P>We "Oldtimers" from 98-99 affairs that have actually applied the MB principles are all in much better places today than three years ago.<P>BE OF GOOD CHEER<P>it will get better<P>liz

Thanks Liz - I have to be honest and admit that this is the part that scares me the most - it takes such a long time and such hard work. Am I up to it? Can I cope? I know I have to at least try - thankyou for the encouragement!

alias,<P>Thank you for taking the time to reach out to me. I actually learned of his affair on 10/3/00 so it is 8 months and things couldn't be worse. In March, due to my own inability to cope any longer with not feeling loved (his fog was a long one - 4-5 months past no contact on top of the year he was withdrawn due to the affair), I too ended up in a brief affair with an old and dear friend. I have ended it and confessed to my H, who will now not speak to me. "I should have known better due to all the reading we've done about affairs".<P>I do not know if I want my husband back, but I certainly know that I miss my family unit. Is this enough to get started with? There are many things I don't like about my husband: He has always hidden things from me (I have very little trust). He started smoking. I have not been included in his life. He surfs porn on the net regardless of my feelings. His complaints about me are that I have taken the fun out of his life. I judge his friends. I don't take the time to look nice or sexy for him. I don't show interest in his interests (sports). <P>How do you even start to rebuild if you can't find love for each other? But like I said, I miss having a whole family. There are times that I sense a terrible loss and just feel like he should be here. If it weren't for my kids, I would not be going through any of this pain. I simply feel guilty for the failure of our marriage.<P>Is there a point at which it is better to move on separately?<P>I am going to post this to the world as well, since it is a good representation of my feelings. Thanks for helping.<P>Learning Life