How do you "Plan A" yourself? - Marriage Builders® Forums

Well...it was suggested to me that I could maybe work on my self-esteem by doing a "Plan A" on myself. It sounds like a good concept, but I have no idea how to go about doing such a thing. Anyone out there have any pointers?

Well, literally, all Plan A's are on the one doin' it, IMHO.Plan A is nothing but introspection to recognize your areas for improvement - then implementing those improvements. The only difference, I guess, with doin' it alone is that you may not have the benefit of an outsider's input in identifying what needs to be improved.Does this help?

[img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img] LOLI don't get it [img]images/icons/confused.gif" border="0[/img]

OK, TTF, I'll try again.Plan A is NOT something you DO to somebody else. You do it to yourself. Hopefully, the areas for improvement you find and implement are recognized by your partner and these improvements make you a more attractive spouse. If an affair is ongoing, hopefully the improvements help eliminate your contribution to the environment that allowed the affair to occur.Unfortunately, many BSs in affairs work Plan A as if they're trying to change the WSs behavior. As a result, many WSs accuse the BS of trying to control or manipulate them.To Plan A yourself would mean simply to identify your areas for improvement and fix them - just like a "traditional" Plan A. The goal would be to please only yourself - with the unavoidable effect of maybe being a more pleasant person for ANYONE to be around.WAT

The thing is, though, that low esteem for me ties into my motivation. It's like, I KNOW what I would like to change about myself, but I either 1) don't know how to, or 2) just can't seem to find the motivation to do it.It even sounds like a cop-out to me when I say stuff like that [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img] It doesn't change the fact that I'm not doing it, though.I want to be happy...feel good...be motivated to make positive changes in my life. But....how?

TTF - OK, I understand better.But I don't know the answer. I'm a terrific procrastinator. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] If the root cause is a self esteem issue, perhaps counseling or any of the vast array of self-help books out there is a place to start. I am out of my league here trying to answer this.Any one else?WAT

TTF - how are you? I have actually put a lot of attention to this.. issue.As far as I can tell, it has to do with how you talk to yourself.RE: Don Miguel Ruiz " 4 Agreements".
Linda Bassett " Getting the Life you Want"; or something like that. Just searched the house, can't find it the Bassett book to confirm the title.. Also, some elements of Neuro-Linguistic Programming deal with this..The deal is most peole have some sort of negative internal dialouge. You don't think you're good looking, or smart, or able to handle certain situations. The argument is you reinforce these negative conclusions every chance you get. When you pass a mirror, speaking in public,or to someone attractive of the opposite sex.. Your internal speech endlessly acknowledges these shortcomings. You program yourself, so to speak, to feel badly. Because we often treat ourselves badly. So we can't love others properly...we perform poorly.. we choose objectives that serve to support our self image.Change your internal talk to a loving, supportive one. Picture yourself succeeding in situations. Acknowledge that you're really ok, even though you didn't get the results you wanted...listen without judging.. to yourselfMake any sense?So, if there are changes you need to make..( and I am the KING of procrastination..)
and you are not making them.. change the pattern. All relationships get stuck at some time. All of them. Change the pattern and watch the results..Plan A.It's working for me, but I'm probably on the outer edge of any curve you could think of...Dan

1. Be impeccable with your word;
2. Don't take anything personally;
3. Don't make assumptions;
and 4. Always do your best.From The Four Agreements by don Miguel Ruiz...www.miguelruiz.comI think this is one of the best plan A's you can do FOR YOURSELF...[ December 21, 2001: Message edited by: TryingAgain ]

Hi TTF,Make a list of the things you want to change. Actually write it down. Then pick one at a time to work on.One of the secrets to making positive changes is to believe that you are worth the effort. I know that you are definitely a person of worth who deserves a satisfying life. Do you think you are?At this stage in your journey, it's not surprising that you lack motivation. You probably are in an emotional valley right now. It won't always be this way. Things will get better.If you feel like it, share your list. Maybe we can be more helpful if we know specifically what your goals are.Let me know if you believe in God and have any kind of a relationship with Him. I have more to say that might help.
Take care,
Estes[ December 21, 2001: Message edited by: Estes49 ]