There has definitely been a transition in our Recovery.
I am definitely treated like HIS WOMAN. It seems for real. He is affectionate, tells me he loves me, talks about the A as if it was in his past life, etc.
Then, why am I so anxious? It feels too good to be real. Is this a common phase? How do I cope with this? The anxiety is interfering with my functioning. It's like, if I let my guard down, I'm setting myself up for a big hurt that will be difficult for me to withstand.
<small>[ November 03, 2003, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: mimi1254 ]</small>
Mimi, you are anxious because you are coming out of a long war and your psyche is not quite sure the war is really over. Can it be real?? I know I was anxious for such a long time.
I remember sitting there crying the night before my DH left on a business trip just from anxiety. Time, and a good solid effort on his part, will relieve your anxiety. It will take a LOT of work on his part to rebuild trust and help you feel safe again. It just isn't easy.
Ditto what Melody said!
In His arms.
Yes Mimi. It feels too good to be true and we have been so deceived in past, it's normal to be anxious.
It's been two years for us since the end of A, and I still have times I'm very anxious.
As time goes by and you see his efforts, that should subside. You're still in the new stages.
While one shouldn't be so tied up and stressed all the time, I still believe we must keep our antennaes up.
Take one day at time and think on all the positive going on around you and with the two of you.
Blessings, Lou
Hi Mimi,
First of all I want to say I'm happy (envious) that he's treating you so nicely and the affair is over!
But I totally understand your anxiety too. The last time my husband had an affair I was very scared he would go back to her (or start another affair) for a long time. He did agree to write a no contact letter to her which I got to mail (my idea - had never read anything telling me that's the thing to do - just KNEW I needed that to be done!) He did it but resented it and threw it in my face that I made him do that - as an example of my 'jealousy problem' humph! He also promised to go to marriage counseling with me but didn't. He also had to agree to no more business trips until I felt OK about it. (But he was required to be away 3 weekends several years later whether I liked it or not)
YOU have the benefit of the sound advice and plans to follow here. I wish I knew this info back then. Because we didn't do what was necessary for me to heal completely and for him to solve his problem. You've gotten this far so trust the method to get you through the rest too.
Relax a little and ENJOY his affection! That's one thing I wish I could have done more when his last affair ended. Gain confidence by working diligently at learning to fulfill his emotional needs. You're probably just having a delayed stress reaction. You had to be tough to get this far and now you are relaxing just enough to feel vulnerable and scared?
I've gotten in the habit of saying a quick prayer after each message I read here for the restoration of the poster's marriage, for courage for them, etc. I will pray that you can enjoy your husband right now and just have fun with him.
I will pray that your husband doesn't relapse.
A prayer for each poster, Icedancer? What a kind thing to do!
Mimi,
Although I have not posted much the last couple of months I have been following your story and I am very happy for you! I wish you continued success in recovery.
Now What
Mimi, the anxiety will fade with time if your WH continues to demonstrate his reliability.
I posted to you on your last thread about the family issues you described- did you catch my post?
icedancer, what a precious person you are! Thank you for prayers for all here. A great idea.
Our prayer chain does pray for all marriages especially those in trouble.
I have a great newsletter I get if anyone is interested? Or just got to Rejoiceministries.org. The couple were once divorced and now remarried for many years. He's a pastor and they have a ministry helping couples.
Theirs is quite a story because he left, married OW and then came back to his original wife!http://rejoiceministries.org
She puts out a devotional/newsletter titled Charlyne cares. To register is free.
Many sites regarding divorce, A's, rebuilding marriages.
Hope you enjoy. LouLou
Recovery is going great. Will post an update soon.