Emotional Affair or Not? - 11/04/03 04:03 PM
Three years ago, my husband had a friendship with a female coworker that was 12 years his junior. He works in a factory setting that is mostly male dominated. The guys began to joke that this girl was his girlfriend and some asked him if he was "hitting it" with her.
He came home one day and told me that the guys at work were all saying he had a girlfriend. While he had female friends at work before, I became very uncomfortable with this situation because it was appearing to be growing into more than a friendship. I told my spouse I was uncomfortable with the situation, but he did not stop the friendship. After several months of what I considered to be innappropriate behavior for a married man (at least the one married to me),I threatened to leave my husband. He was surprised and told the people he works with (and her)how I felt. Still, not much changed at work, but he and I fought a lot about it at home. After about a month of this, she stopped talking with him and told one of his coworkers that she was "sick of hearing about his marriage problems". The day this happened, he came home drunk and told me what she had said. He was practically in tears and told me that it's only been a day, but he misses her. He then fell asleep on the floor leaving me feeling devastated. He maintained for years that this was just a friendship and that he has not been in contact with her for two years.
For the past two years, I have been unable to get over this because she still works at his company and just a general gnawing feeling about the whole situation. I just couldn't understand how this was only a friendship. I would ask him to talk with me about it, but it often ended in fights. We started to go to marriage counseling recently and I told my husband and the counselor that I needed to understand the friendship before I could get over it.
To make a long story short, my husband finally said that it was all about his ego and had nothing to do with me. He claims that it really wasn't her, but it was the attention he was getting from all the guys because they saw this young girl that they perceived to be hot paying attention to my husband.
Even though I know the truth now, I am deeply, deeply hurt by this to my very soul. He claims our marriage was good, but I can't understand why it wasn't enough for him to stay away from this behavior. I asked him why he didn't stop when I was telling him how much it was hurting me. He says that he just couldn't understand it. I am so embarrassed to be anywhere near his coworkers (even after two years). I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm the one with the cheating husband. Knowing he is a married man, why would his coworkers encourage what was going on? I feel like I want to die.
This feels like an affair to me. Was it an affair? If not please tell me what you think it is and please share any advice that you think might help me work through this horrible situation.
Thank you.
<small>[ November 06, 2003, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: ReneeStephanie ]</small>
He came home one day and told me that the guys at work were all saying he had a girlfriend. While he had female friends at work before, I became very uncomfortable with this situation because it was appearing to be growing into more than a friendship. I told my spouse I was uncomfortable with the situation, but he did not stop the friendship. After several months of what I considered to be innappropriate behavior for a married man (at least the one married to me),I threatened to leave my husband. He was surprised and told the people he works with (and her)how I felt. Still, not much changed at work, but he and I fought a lot about it at home. After about a month of this, she stopped talking with him and told one of his coworkers that she was "sick of hearing about his marriage problems". The day this happened, he came home drunk and told me what she had said. He was practically in tears and told me that it's only been a day, but he misses her. He then fell asleep on the floor leaving me feeling devastated. He maintained for years that this was just a friendship and that he has not been in contact with her for two years.
For the past two years, I have been unable to get over this because she still works at his company and just a general gnawing feeling about the whole situation. I just couldn't understand how this was only a friendship. I would ask him to talk with me about it, but it often ended in fights. We started to go to marriage counseling recently and I told my husband and the counselor that I needed to understand the friendship before I could get over it.
To make a long story short, my husband finally said that it was all about his ego and had nothing to do with me. He claims that it really wasn't her, but it was the attention he was getting from all the guys because they saw this young girl that they perceived to be hot paying attention to my husband.
Even though I know the truth now, I am deeply, deeply hurt by this to my very soul. He claims our marriage was good, but I can't understand why it wasn't enough for him to stay away from this behavior. I asked him why he didn't stop when I was telling him how much it was hurting me. He says that he just couldn't understand it. I am so embarrassed to be anywhere near his coworkers (even after two years). I feel like everyone is looking at me like I'm the one with the cheating husband. Knowing he is a married man, why would his coworkers encourage what was going on? I feel like I want to die.
This feels like an affair to me. Was it an affair? If not please tell me what you think it is and please share any advice that you think might help me work through this horrible situation.
Thank you.
<small>[ November 06, 2003, 05:03 PM: Message edited by: ReneeStephanie ]</small>