I don't post often anymore....part of it YOUNG KIDS 3 AND 6... but mostly it's because every moment is consumed with parenting, taking care of a home & pooch and most of all, giving my husband UNDIVIDED attention as soon as the kids go off to bed.<P>... I'm not sure this belongs in this category....but<P>In reading this thread, I agree with Schizzo. I'm not so sure it's the weight of the kids as much as "THERE IS NOT ALOT OF ENERGY LEFT FOR EACH OTHER" once the kids have all been taken care of. All things left "untended" will die
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Don't blast me ..... there are times when Dad or Mom just can't come before kids.... kids need to be clean, fed, loved, talked to and a bunch of other things that many times simply outweigh....just sitting and talking with your spouse. <P>However, I have to be honest with myself about how I contributed to my husband's infidelity by WAITING, WAITING, WAITING...for a free moment. Sadly, someone else came up with the time first, and WHAMMMMO ! <P>We're in recovery and I'm feeling realy solid about our future together
However, I have made alot of changes to how I interact with the hubster and what I do with my time !<P>
Don't get me wrong...he bears some of the responsibility, like...working too much, not showing affection, alot of angry responses, taking stress out on myself and the kids, LETTING ME DO EVERYTHING AND THEN COMPLAINING I'M TOO TIRED FOR HIM....
but enough about that !!<P>So what's different now ?<BR>hugs and kisses when he gets home from work, dates...away from the kids a couple times a month, a small inexepensive present once in a while, genuine interest in his day, ASKING FOR HIS HELP AND NOT TRYING TO DO EVERYTHING and a bunch more things
.<P>I guess the biggest area of change is something mentioned in Harley's recent newsletter and that is not letting a day go by without showing him I care and love him ...in a way that he values it himself. I especially like the 3rd way Harley speaks to knowing whether your spouse is in love.... <B>..asking yourself...should he be love with me ?? </B> Harley also speaks to making sure you don't TAINT your answers by guessing and making your spouses needs equate to the things you are doing or the things you are doing well. <BR> <BR>
Another blasting opportunity....does he always do this stuff for me...no way...but have I learned a better way to communicate my needs ? yes ! and has it helped? Yes, enormously ! Has it helped enough ....so that I don't get turned off completely and allow a huge rift to develop ? Yes....<P>Most importantly, is he now participating and also working on our relationship ? YES.
<P>We've had quite a few ups and downs....affair came to light in Jan 99...lots of months doing Plan A, some counselings with Harley and others....almost started Plan B (the same night I planned to tell him what my plans were....he talked to me from the heart and it's been nearly all positive since <I> not easy mind you...just postive </I>)...We started recovery in Nov 99. <P><BR>Anyway...long post to say....kids or no kids...give your spouse time and the other 3 gifts Harley speaks to.....<P>-Tina<p>[This message has been edited by TFloyd (edited March 06, 2000).]