Conclusions.................... - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hello All,This past weekend has been one of decisions. I have decided to move on with my life. Robin is still very much decided that she no longer wants me as her H. It has been six months since discovery and she has not wavered in her choice. The reality is that this is her exit move. She ends relationships by cheating. I have gotten used to the idea of being single.God and me had a long talk saturday night, actually I did the talking, I do know that he is accepting of my decision to stop waiting and move on with divorce proceedings. According to His word I am justified in divorceing my adultrous wife. My reasons for this decision are as follows. I no longer have respect for her, she made some bad choices this past weekend that killed the last shred of respect I had. My love for her is almost nil. I am totally disgusted by her actions of shacking up with LRB in our home, in our bed. And lastly I have done everything right since D-day, and she still doesn't want to be married to me.One thing I do know. I have survived her affair. I knew all along that this was one possible out come. I had hoped she would come around by now, obviosly that hasn't happened. There are many on this bulliten board that torment themselves wishing for thier wayward to return. At some point we have to face facts that it is over.I know that God will bless me with a wonderful wife that can be the recipient of the new found Bill. I now know, because of this site how to be a Husband. It is too bad Robin doesn't want me.I am sadened by the demise of my marriage, however the future is no longer bleak. In fact it is very bright.All this being said I will continue to lurk, reply, and post. I am a survivor and want to continue to share my experience strength and hope.I Love You All,Bill...We know not what the future holds, But we rest in peace knowing WHO holds the future...------------------ BB [This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited March 14, 2000).]

Bill, you sound great, and yes I know now too that it is time to move on with my life and I am a better person for finding this site and learning the things I have here.You will be fine and yes one day God will bless you with a wife who loves you as much asy you love her. God bless you and your babyLesa------------------ "It took me quite a while to realize that the real deal is to be able to be enough of a person your own to know when somebody loves you and cares about you" ----Stevie Ray Vaughan"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart, and lean not unto thine own understanding." -Proverbs 3:5 Take care and God Bless. lms20ish@jobe.net [This message has been edited by LMS (edited March 15, 2000).]

Bill,Big, big {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} buddy.I am sorry for the demise in your marriage too. You sound like you are so possitive about what you are going to do and with what you have said I will not try and talk you out of it. I am extremely happy and grateful that you will lurk, post and reply to all of us here. Your insight will be invaluable. Not to mention if you left I would just miss you! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I know that is selfish. I do think you have a lot to offer here.I think that if and when you find that woman to be your wife she is going to be one Lucky Duck and I am just a little bit jealous. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Still wondering if we could do a small DNA transplant of your DNA to my hubby. LOL Just kidding. He is becoming the man I saw when I married him only better. We are going to make it I think.Keep in touch and you know where to e-mail me too. Have you ever installed ICQ yet?Talk to you soon.------------------ God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose. What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Samantha

((((((((((((((((((((Bill))))))))))))))))))Ok, so it ain't always easy to do the right thing... still I'm glad you have made your peace with this whole dern thing.John

Bill,I am not going to try to talk you out of this you do what you have to do. Only you know what is right for you. BUt one thing kep in mind. You know my story. You know that my H left the end of July and didn't have any contact with his family till the last of Nov. he has visited his parents talked to out son and daughter and finally swa our grandsons. Now he is contacting me he started in Jan with phone calls once a week nothing was really said just discussed the house. Now he has written me telling me more of what is going on with him. You read my post. BIll, discover will be one year this Fri. He wouldn't give her up all summer then he lft me for her. WHat I am trying to say is takes a long time before they caneven begin to see what they have done. It takes a long time for even a glimmer of light to come through. I know it will take even more time. H and I have been married for 27 years only the last three or four were there problems. But still 27 years is along time a year or two is not. If you are really ready to give up on Robin-all your love for is gone then go ahead. But if there is any doubt any drop of love left then think about what the time you are giving up because you feel that 6 months is a long enough time to wait for her, remember you were ready to give her a lifetime.No matter what you decide, you are in my prayers you and Abbey. {{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}------------------ di

My friend Bill,You have my support and prayers. I hope that you will find the happiness that you deserve. I am forever indebt to you for your words of advice and encouraging words. I've also moved on as you know and it seems that I've gained peace of mind ever since. Once again, my prayers are continuous. Hope to chat with you soon!------------------ "If you can learn from the mistakes of others, you won't have to make them youself."lady_divine77@yahoo.com

I am sorry that it has come to this for you, but I know that you have worked hard, and done everything you could. Protecting yourself and your child has to be the top priority for you now. ehugs-- Kathi

Bill,I am sorry for the grief that you must be experiencing now, even though you are at peace. It is like when somebody we love who has been very ill dies. We are at peace because they are no longer in pain but we also grieve at our loss. This being said I am glad to hear of the peace that you have come to. I guess you have come to that place where you know that reconcilation is not possible but recovery is. God bless you and little Abbey through this. I am sending prayers and lots of good thoughts your way. {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{BILL}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}------------------ Love and Prayers Nicole [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[This message has been edited by Patient Love (edited March 14, 2000).]

Hey Bill,well done my friend. You gave it your all, you know you did. And now you have made your conclusions.Robin is one very silly lady, who I believe will realise one day what she has done, and what she has given up.I would just like to say one thing to you, and it is said with love and friendship in mind. Never say "never" .I have learnt that. YOu must do what you feel is right for you and your D, to protect both of you. But never say never.I hope we will all be happy one day, with someone who loves and cherishes us the way we all should cherish our partners. If that is our spouse, great. If not, whoever it is, we will love them with all our hearts.Please don't leave here. I have come to value your input, and your words. and your friendship. Besides, I want to know who the lucky lady will be !!!!!!!! Positive thinking here to help you along.......prayers, and best wishes, along with the biggest hugJo

Bill,I for one, completely understand. Sometimes no matter what we do, it's not enough for our wayward spouses. But we better ourselves for any future relationships we might have. You gave it your all, and you should be proud of you. I am!!Don't leave the board. We've been thru a lot and will go thru a lot more and have knowledge to share with everyone. We will survive!(((((HUGS))))) Mitzi

Bill,First, I want you to understand that you have only been in Plan B for a very short time. Maybe too short of a period for Robin to fully comprehend what life would be like without the "new and improved" Bill as her H.Second, I also want you to understand that I will probably right behind you soon. Not that way! With regard to our situations, silly rabbit. I may have screwed up 2 marriages but there is not way I will look at a guys hairy butt and say "This is Love"!I picked up the tax paper work from the dental office on Friday. She stood 18" away from me and I felt nothing. Here was the woman that I married 5 years ago and lived with for 11, 5 foot 2, blonde hair nicely styled, blue eyed with just a hint of make up to enhance her features and I felt nothing.A friend of mine asked me today how things were going with Val. Yes, the friend is a female, and XGF from 13 years ago. She is in another relationship and only asked because of concern. I told her of the happenings of Friday. She laughed and said sure Val forgot what the arrangements were. She wanted to see you. Trying to feel you out if you were still the saftey net if the relationship with Brian turns out to be a dud afterall.This Monday was the 1st aniversary of me throwing Val out after discovery. I'm tired too. I have tried Plan A thru Z. Did get some results, but, now Tim doesn't care for her anymore.Pal, we have learned so much here and become better people because of it.I will get married again. You can bet your bottom dollar on that and I will have the BEST marriage ever.Standing behind you [see above] in your decision.Wishing us all the Best. Maybe the next one is the BEST ONE !Tim

Bill,Your strength is very evident. That's good, and will undoubtedly benefit you as you move forward. You know how I feel about what will eventually happen with Robin, and the opportunity that means for you and your D. Yet, the decision must be and can only be yours. There is no right or wrong, it just is - as we decide things to be.You'll live a glorious life, I can feel that, and am happy for you. Stay in touch my friend.SamH

Bill,What can I say? My own divorce was filed today and barring no unforeseen circumstances, it should be final on 4/15. In GA, it is almost like a drive-thru divorce. Can you believe it...over on the 31st day after filing?!?!I understand when you just get to that point....you just feel it in your heart. It is kinda silly...you feel the hope in your heart for such a long time...you really feel it. Then, one day you wake up and you don't feel it any more...you feel that it is over. It is a bittersweet feeling....knowing it is over is os sad, yet it can be liberating to have a conclusion to your worst living nightmare.I still pray for you, Robin and Abbey each day, along with all my friends here. My prayers are for restorations of each marriage, and I also pray for the restoration of each of us back to a whole person again. We have each been scarred in our way by infidelity, and each of us needs healing and peace and happiness in our hearts and lives, again.I will keep praying for you ...all 3 of you. Even though I am getting divorced, I still pray daily for Jim. He continues to need my prayers....maybe moreso now than ever. He really does need help, as does Robin, and even if they are not going to be married to us, I still pray that they get the help they need.God bless, Bill.....Desiree------------------ "Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."Sir Humphry Davy

Bill, Sounds like you're on your way to a new and wonderous life. I don't think I'm to far behind you. Thanks for all your support in the past. We all wish you the best my friend. Good luck and God bless, Gale

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Bill,Abby}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}------------------ Peg

{{{{{{{{Bill}}}}}}}}}}}My heart and prayers go out to you. I understand what it feels like to let go like you have. It was hard but do you feel a small sense of relief? Like the weight has been lifted from your shoulders?You did a good Plan A and Plan B, and the results may have not been what you wanted, today, but a year from now, you may be in love with a wonderful woman that you will look back on all this and say, it was tough, but it was for the best.Try to stay positive. Single life isn't all that bad, I am enjoying myself! I am available if you need to talk , just email me. Good luck and be strong!Dana

Bill,I'm just about where you are. Ready to move on. H is still seeing OW despite our 2 month separation. He seems much happier without me than with me. I think it's time to face reality (for me) and move on. Best wishes to you...believe me I know how hard this decision is.(((hugs))) ------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

Hi Bill - your situation reminded me of a favourite poem I wanted to share. The Journey of Success: When choosing the path to follow, I selected the road heading west. It began in the Forest of Childhood, and ceased at the City of Success. My bag was packed full of knowledge, but also some fears and some weights. My most precious cargo was a vision of entering the city's bright gates. I reached an impassable river, and feared that my dream had been lost. But I found a sharp rock, cut down a tree, and created a bridge, which I crossed. It started to rain, and I was so cold, I shivered and started to doubt. But I made an umbrella out of some leaves and kept all the cold water out. The journey took longer than I had planned, I had no food, left in my dish. Rather than starve before reaching my dream, I taught myself how to fish. I grew awfully tired as I walked on and on, and I thought of the weights in my pack. I tossed them aside, and I sped again. Fear was all that was holding me back. I could see the City of Success, just beyond a small grove of trees At last, I thought, I have reached my goal! The whole world will envy me! I arrived at the city, but the gate was locked. The man at the door frowned and hissed, "You have wasted your time. I cannot let you in. Your name is not on my list." I cried and I screamed and I kicked and I shook, I felt that my life had just ceased. For the first time in ever, I turned my head, and for once in my life I faced east. I saw all the things, I had done on my way, all the obstacles, I had overcome. I could not enter the city, but that did not mean I hadn't won. I had taught myself how to ford rivers, and how to stay dry in the rain. I had learned how to keep my heart open, even if it sometimes let in pain. I learned facing backwards, that life meant more than just survival! My success was in my journey, not in my arrival! ~Nancy HammelMay you find much success and happiness as you carry forward in your journey of life!Cheers, Lisa

Lisa - thats a beautiful poemKeridwen - where have you been??Bill hang in there, just checking back in. Dana

Bill,Thoughts and prayers to you! I'm not too far away either. I think my H is getting things in order now to file. In Idaho it is only 25 days till it is final! Somebody needs to rethink that!Anyway, strangely enough but my H's name is Bill so it seems weird writing to you. I won't hold it against you though. haha LOLTalk to your pastor! That always puts my head into a better frame of mind. If it is time, it is time. And I'M SORRY for you! Too bad our spouses don't know what they are going to be missing yet. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Prayers, TB

Bill,Sorry it turned out this way for you, but you did try everything possible so you should not feel bad about that.I thought too Carol would see what she has done after the divorce, but she barely even acknowledges me now. So I know I have made the right decision. I was at the same place too, I had lost all respect for her.I still struggle with her seeing the kids, half the time I want to "punish" her for doing this but knowing that would only hurt the kids. On the other hand I wish see would see the kids more, how can you have a relationship with someone seeing them for 2 days a week and talking to them maybe 1 min a day. Hang tough, we'll still be here for you.Love and God's peace to you,Bob

hey Bill,just checking. How are you today. Keep that chin up.hugs for youJo

Sorry that your marriage isn't working out but sometimes you have to love them enough to leave them particularly when they don't have a mental disorder.You never can tell, she may come back as did Gomer in the book of Hosea. I know my life is much like Hosea's life. I wasn't going to get married until He told me to and to my W. My W has a lot of anger from the lack of support she got when she was sexually abused as a child. MONDO HUG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ------------------ God Bless, Rob regilmor@swbell.net [This message has been edited by professorg (edited March 15, 2000).]

Hi Everyone,Tjanks for your replies. I posted a reply last night but for some reason it didn't come through. In a nut shell, Thanks everyone for the support in my decision. I feel good about it even thought it is very saddening. Each day is brighter than the last. The bottom line is I don't want her back.I love you guys very much.Bill------------------ BB

Hi,Bill, You know the irony of all this?Your W's relationship with a 17 year-old(or is he a mature 18 year-old now?)can't possibly last.It can't,period.Maybe after you're divorced,and The Rat leaves her,she'll realized what she has done.Maybe she'll feel like the biggest fool this side of the Mississippi.Perhaps she'll be too humiliated to even look you in the eye.But by then it'll be too late.Something to look forward to?Take care of yourself.Go buy that sports car you always wanted! --Murph

Murph,That's a terrible thought that you tell Bill to go buy a sports car now. How do you sleep at night?Oh, wait. When I got divorced, I should say the first time, I went out and bought a nice black and gold penis extender. I mean a Z-28.This time around with all the time invested in the relationship it's going to take an "Arrest me Red" Mitsu 3000 VR4 to get my mind off this. Still looking.This is the absolute worst situation to be in next to the death of a S. It feels that way sometimes. They just died. Not making light of the decision Bill has made, but, I see Val in the passenger seat because we always tooled arounded in the Z. Time for new memories.Out with the old, in with the new....memories.Zippy

Zippy, If I get divorced(no,better make that a big"when")I figured I pick out something fancy.Maybe a"Babe-Magnet Blue"Ferrari 308 GT.Maybe I could pick up some sweet,young thing,and drive by the "old lady's" office,and yell out the window,"We're on our way....to L.A.! Sound like a plan? --Murph

COMES A TIME - Grateful Dead Comes a time when the blind man takes your hand says: don't you see? got to make it somehow on the dreams you still believe Don't give it up you've got an empty cup only love can fill only love can fill Been walking all morning Went walking all night I can't see much difference between the dark and the light And I feel the wind And I taste the rain Never in my mind to cause so much pain Comes a time when the blind man takes your hand says: don't you see? got to make it somehow on the dreams you still believe Don't give it up you've got an empty cup only love can fill only love can fill From day to day just letting it ride you get so far away from how it feels inside You can't let go cause you're afraid to fall till the day may come when you can't feel at all Comes a time when the blind man takes your hand says: don't you see? got to make it somehow on the things you still believe Don't give it up you've got an empty cup only love can fill only love can fill When the words come out like an angry stream You hear yourself say things you could never mean You got a lot of words you've got to stand behind. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I am too stunned...my psychic waves are obviously off kilter... Dylanyou are a good man, William...you know that now....

Hi bill Im still new to this forum, but I have come to know there is some really great people in here. All I want to tell you is that you are a very great person and it takes a lot to accept the reality. I know how hard it feels when someone you love doesnt love you back. Sometimes we just have to deal with that and remember that there is always a light at the end of the tunnel. I congratulate you for being strong and moving on. Anytime you just want to talk, feel free to email me. We are here for you and I will pray for us.