POLL - Venting Room? - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hello all!Just wanted to do a quick poll.Would you like to have a "Venting Room" forum?I'll check back later.Steve

Hi Steve,Nice to see you on here. I guess I thought that this was the venting room...LOL. Venting at this Site sure does help me get some things off my chest. I do thing a Venting Room Forum is a good idea. ...Allison

very good idea. I guess i thought here was the place to vent. it is safer for all if i do it here! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Yes, a "separated" room might be nice too.Since my H just filed for divorce, a room for those of us who were unsuccessful in "fixing" our marriages by ourselves might be nice...otherwise where do we go???

Hah. I'd like to see the icons for a venting room!I guess I have a bit of a reservation about this idea. When we vent on a regular forum with (vent) in the title or first line, at least some of the people who reply tend to calm down the poster. If it was all vent, all the time...the peacemakers might not show up, and I think it could get ugly and slop over on poster's efforts to Marriage Build.Just as an example, when I used to vent on threads of the OW/OP--mine or somebody else's, I would just get angrier and angrier and often go LB on my H, even if that issue wasn't "hot" between us at the time. I found avoiding those threads, avoided LBs.On the other hand...there is a lot of anger to be dealt with.------------------ Lor "Let love be genuine...hold fast to what is good; love one another." Rom 12:9-10

A venting room could be nice but I believe that it could turn into just bashing the opp. sex. It is nice to vent yes it is but I choice this site because of the caring things said A trial period would be OK but if It got to mean an hateful.... not sure that is helpful is it. and labeling it that could encourage hateful thoughs. I would just use the faces up above like the last 2 on bottom rightHave a good day Steve

Superb idea!------------------ God Bless, Rob regilmor@swbell.net

Venting room? Only if I can cuss [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

seriously that is a good ideaHow 'bout a divorce support room...Bill------------------ BB

I think it is better to post a vent here (with the warning that that's what it is). A room that's All vent all the time could easily turn very negative and "pump up" the venting person's anger, instead of cooling off. I, perosnally, would avoid the area, unless I also was venting...so I'm thinking we'd have a lot of angry people replying as well as posting...

We all need to vent. But I agree with Lor's response. When I see Vent in the title I try to repond with some "calming" words. In a vent room we may all be in VERY BAD MOODS!! all the time!!!!!!! But then again, maybe it would help us. It might just force our "giver" out!!!!!

Hi Steve, plenty of time on my hands tonight as you know so I'll bite at this one.......There isn't much incentive for those not in a venting mood to visit the venting room. While this may seem good on the surface, those not in a negative/venting mood often have the best frame of mind to offer a calming word or a different perspective on the cause/effects/realities of the vent.If one has a vent about an emotional needs issue, isn't it better addressed onto that forum? Ditto infidelity, recovery, etc. Most of the questions or thoughts posted arise from a vent of sorts anyway (sometimes internal, though may not always be vocalized as such).My $.02Cheers, Lisa

I agree with teddy bear and WilliamJ. A venting room would be great. Also, those of us not fortunate enough to get through all this with our spouse could use a place to talk and maybe eventually get back to our spouse or sadly find a way to carry on without our love. I know your books and theories are for marriage BUILDING, but we make a lot of great friends here and it would be nice to continue to talk to them despite our misfortune.Also, thanks for this website. It has helped me tremendously and although it looks as though my husband will not be coming back for a second try, I am in a better place because of MB. Thank you.

Hi All,I do no believe that it would be a good idea to have a separate "venting" room. My reasons are as follows, it might possibly encourage the negative thought patterns and behavior that the betrayed/er feel through continued posts supporting such actions against another. We, the betrayed/er, are all in a fanstasyland, this can't be happening to me/us. Tell me who out there would not like to flatten all four tires of the OP? Try to get them in to trouble at work or the law? Perhaps set them on fire and kill them? It's not funny with the suicidal/homicidal ideations that many of us face whether we admit it or not. We do think of it.Venting is needed or you will end up in the Behavioral Health Unit at a local hospital, but, if you associate with others that condon the behavior, [see above], you loose perpective and may carry out such deeds. Don't tell me it does'nt happen. I see these psych patients everyday. The split seems to be substance abuse versus relationship problems. That's documented. I see, treat, and transport these folks all the time.We don't need another split here. JMHOThe Zipman

One of the great strenghts of this discussion forum is the ability to let people know how you are really feeling, and for others to see by your subject and # of respones if they should stop and address your post, as a way of helping during a crisis moment. If everyone is in a crisis moment, I worry who would respond quickly, and help calm reasoning to be considered.Victoria

That has my vote.I often feel like just venting. Sometimes I'd appreciate input, other times I feel slightly guilty for taking up space with my rants.On another note, how long does it take to make the step up from Junior to regular Member?

Hi - I'm new to this site - but I have been sort of venting in the Just Found out room and in the General Questions room. I find them both to be very useful to me emotionally. Being on this site helps prevent me from hating myself. Just knowing that what i am feeling and going thru is something other people have gone thru and survived as a better person helps. Thank you for creating this.

I've used this forum for venting as much as almost anyone, but I have to agree with some of those who have reservations.MOST of the time I just needed to get something off my chest. But I also needed the calming influence of my friends, and someone to point out that there may be another way to look at the situation. Hopping around takes a little extra time and I'm afraid those of us who are calm wouldn't visit the room so much. When we're in a "venting mood", we really don't need only those others in that mood to feed our frustrations and I'm really afraid that would happen a lot.So, I guess I would vote NO.Lori

Hi Steve, I agree with others who think we should NOT have a separate vent forum.....I tend to get riled up easily and that would do it for me!!!..... Thanks for the forum, .....LU

I think it is a fine idea. I would actually like to see some sort of live chat happening here.

Sorry to double vote [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Reminds me of a favourite expression: "When you share misery, you have half the pain, when you share positive thoughts, you double the joy"Cheers, Lisa

I've got mixed feelings on this one.I agree that the board would become very negative. However, just like when the infidelity board split up there were arguments that those of us in recovery wouldn't frequent the other boards to offer our experience. (That's certainly true in the case of PlanA/B and Just found out for me. I've been in there maybe once.) I have come back to the general questions forum though. I'd like to say I'd go exert a calming influence on a vent forum, but I think it would depend on my time. There's the con. The Pro would be that it would seperate more posts off of the general questions forum and would make it a bit easier to find topics of particular interest to me. As it is now, I scroll through the top screen and sometimes the second, but that leaves several posts that I don't see. It also means that if a post is more than a couple of hours old It won't catch my attention. It's nice on the recovery board because often times a post a couple days old will still be up in view for me to respond to. (In case my time is real limited the first time I come on.) I guess the solution would be to give it a trial run, and if it becomes nontherapeutic or isn't used all that much well then the plug gets pulled.

Hi Steve -First - Thank You for the Divorce category....my wish of having that was because I felt displaced. A Venting Room however is not really a "unique" situation....all of us, no matter what phase of this, need to vent. The most constructive part of these boards, to me, have been all the love, support, opinions and even "slaps" that have brought people from just the venting mode to the "doing" mode.....I don't think that leaving people to just that activity would be very fruitful for them. As long as people identify their threads with either an icon or (Vent), etc....I think that end of things is working pretty well......Let's also not forget that even though people might not want to see the "pain" or "complaining" at some times...it is also a good reminder to keep themselves on the right track....Sort of a "there but for the grace of God go I........"Thank you again for helping us, I really think that you all should look into bringing this stuff to the academic curriculum community....forget sex ed. - people need "relationship" ed.Sheba

So what's the problem everyone? If you want to go in you go in! If you don't want to go in you don't go in! What's the harm in giving it a chance?[This message has been edited by Lacee (edited March 30, 2000).]

I think we do a good job of venting on this page. To put in another page is going to take something away from it. I think it may be more dificult to stay up with the others situation because we may miss one or more post.

Steve, A Venting Room would definately be helpful. It does help keep me from LBThe only drawback is that it sometimes puts me in a worse mood when I read other's posts. A request: Could we have a forum on pornography. I've noticed that not everyone here views it as infidelity....or as damaging as an affair with a "real" OP. I know what your dad's opinion is but would like to see more info....maybe a Food for Thought subject?Thanks for all the help you provide here. It means a lot to me!CJB

Ah....No I don't think so. I do appreciate your thoughts and monitoring of your site and what the needs might be. But I use what's here or create a thread and I think what is here is just great. ------------------ jnvc

Negativity just breeds unless tempered with rational thought and uplifting ideas. I like the multiple views and calming influences on the topical forums. Even these are sometimes too negative and I really like the Women's Bible Study forum. I thought I would be flamed there for certain as a WS but it has been great! So I vote NO. Divorce forum is great too. Thanks.

Venting Room? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Prayer Room? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Venting Room? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Prayer Room? [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Nope! I vote to storm the gates of heaven instead! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Blessings, Taj

Hi Steve, I tend to agree with most others here... I think it would not be as beneficial as just posting in General Questions.From personal experience, I have on occassion logged on with the entent to have a very loaded vent, and before I "post new topic" I read a few topic titles.... sometimes (several lately) I find something that makes me realize how trivial my vent was, or I find a Good News topic that lifts my spirits before I ever post my vent. I think the calming effects of many of our posters would be lost in a vent room, or at least the response time would be compromised. JMHOButterflyPS ~ Thanks again for the Divorcing/Divorced area!------------------ There are deep sorrows and killing cares in life, but the encouragement and love of friends were given us to make all difficulties bearable. -- John Oliver HolmesThe opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. -- Elie Wiesel

Hi Steve,Thank you from the bottom of my heart for such a helpful site, the MB site in general. I don't think that any of us could thank you too many times for what has become a life line for so many during such troubling times in our lives. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I vote to Not have a separate forum for Venting For the reasons everyone has already stated. We can vent in the different forums already available. I think Medic/Tim made some really good points. It could bring some very disastrous results. We need the balance of possitive and supportive posts when we are venting.I was unaware that a divorcing/divorced forum was developed but, think the idea is a good one. I am praising the Lord that so far I don't need to post on that forum. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I am grateful that it is there for those that do need it.I am long winded so I won't go further. I will repeat though that I vote NO!Again thank you for all you do Steve. You are but another blessing in life. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

------------------ God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us!

With God on our side we can't lose!

What God has joined together let no man put asunder. Samantha

I think the venting room would be one of those great ideas that do not work, for the reasons already explained, and to top it would content vents on several issues, thus difficulting other members to post an appropiate answer.So, NO NO NO NO NO NO !Alex

After giving the idea some thought (as in read the above replies [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

) My vote has to be a No!I think that it would be too negative a forum for anything else than a one-way communication forum, very few people will take the effort to go to the Venting Forum to read a lot of negative vents and thus the poster doesn't have the benefit of the response they would get in the normal fora.

I would find myself not even looking in there. If someone gets that worked up what they want is for someone to come along and calm them down. This web site has been a great help in putting my life back together. I have lucker then some here. I still have my monents but when I do I'm fired up and looking for someone to tell me i'm going overboard. It was a few weeks ago I found someone whose story was to much like mine. It wasn't easy to make a personal connection to him but after making multiple alias email address we now have each others names and email address and phone numbers. I think most of us here end up basicly in an emotional affair. The only thing making this different is we don't really know who is who. I was slow to take that final step but I do believe it has proven help to the other person. What can be done to help something like this along these lines I do not know. The only idea I've had is some from of sponsor. CAUTION:!!! If we are coming here we already have a screwed up life and need to take time to fix it. In my case I do intend to make any more mistakes so 1 is my limit. If needed you have my real email address and this could be continued offline.Joe

One other caution. I do have an honest interest in helping others but I have notice that The person I'm helping seems to have stop posting here. This not good and is also something to consider. I'll be looking in to this. It may be nice to have fast access to help but I believe it is the sum of the different opinions that was a big help to me.Joe

Hi Steve, Yes, a venting room would be a good idea. I come to the questions room to ask specific questions, but sometimes I vent as well. Thanks, Pam

<BLOCKQUOTE>quote:<HR>Originally posted by Pinky: Yes, a venting room would be a good idea. I come to the questions room to ask specific questions, but sometimes I vent as well. <HR></BLOCKQUOTE>We all need to vent from time to time, but if we want the venting to have a constructive purpose we also need people responding to our vents and sometimes just give some conforting words, at other times we need other things. However, in a Venting Room everybody goes in to scream out their pain and frustration oblivious to the other people in there. Try to ask yourself the question: If there were a venting room would you go in there just to hear everybody elses vents, even when you don't have the need to vent yourself? I don't think many of us will do that, in fact, I think that a lot will stay away from that room, since it would be too painful.On the other hand there is a legitimate need to vent from time to time, and we need this venting, in many cases to save our marriages. But I think that the current setup is sufficient to supply that need. The current groups have a good mix of posts, so that you can look into them and read both vents, constructive ideas, good news (sometimes) as well as questions.The more I think about this the more convinced I get that it is a good idea, but one that would not work well in the MB framework.Just my opinionated $0.02

Hmm...if I post a vent here, I genuinely want feedback to calm me down or suggestions of another way to handle a situation. I think with a separate vent category a lot of people would be left hanging with their negative emotions and few responses. I don't see how this would be beneficial?My vote is no.

Hi Steve,It took me a while to debate on this one. Let me say I LOVE the new divorce/divorced section, and I found all my missing friends.I just don't know how often I'd go into that site cause I know I can only offer so much support on any given day. I'd rather see it stay as it is, and when someone needs to vent, we are there to help.Thanks for the wonderful site and books, they have been a lifesaver, Dana (lonelymom)