Is there a law of nature that says every small up must be followed by a huge down? I'm so sad. I got a phone call that my favorite Uncle died yesterday.He lives in the midwest. <P>My H said I think you should go, stay as long as you need to, have a nice visit too.<BR>I of course, heard... go, get out of here, leave me alone so I can stay out all night , do what I want.<P>So, I decieded to go, but felt very insecure. In bed, I tried to cuddle and he would not put his arm around me. Seems he is avioding even touching me lately. So, I said I'm so afraid you don't even want me to come back. He said why? I could have said alot of things, but setteled for you seem so distant lately. He said nothing and I said I just love you with all my heart. Still nothing. I turned around and soon heard him snoring. So I laid there thinking what am I doing? How can I want this man who can't even comfort me when I have lost an important person in my life.<P> Am I being too emotional right now? I am also in PMS so know I can't make good judgements. I realize I should have just asked him for a hug. Maybe I was asking him to read my mind. Should I ask for a hug this AM? I think I am going to leave him my letter when I go about wanting to improve our marriage and meet his needs. Please give me some feedback today, Did I totally blow it with what I said? I am not leaving till 11;30 pacific time. Here I am up at 5:30 cause I'm still upset.<BR>Lora<BR>

Lora,<BR>I am sorry for your loss and your pain.It sounds like you said the right thing by saying"you seem so distant ".(Doesnt sound threatening)<P>I have a similar situation with my H being so distant.<P>Maybe we can support eachother and try not to ask the "20 Questions".I know that is hard because I want reassurances.<P>Hang in there.We can do this!<BR>Your remedial friend in plan A.beth<P>

I think your H just didn't know how to respond to you. Maybe he didn't want to say the wrong thing that would cause an argument. And you are correct when you said that he can't read minds. Try asking him for a hug. Just say something like "A hug would be nice" and let that be your start.

Lora,<BR>Just read your reponse to "To Lora".<P>You are right,I am realizing I ask more Questions if I am suspicious.<P>Hope you can post from your aunts.beth

Beth,<BR> Thanks for the kind words. But wait, am I your remedial friend? Now I need to work on that too? LOL Yup, I am not sure we can look to our spouses for much reasurance right now. Will have to get it from friends here and elsewhere.<P>Trying 24give, Thanks I think we both expect each other to read us and its not working!!! I will ask for a hug today before I leave if he doesn't give me one.<BR>Lora

Lora,<P>try leaving a few little notes to H around the house where he will find them. Sock drwawer, taped to box of favorite cereal, bathroom mirror...you get the idea. Keep them light & upbeat. That way he will have subtle reminders of you while you are gone.<P>And just go up to him and give him a hug before you leave. I believe in the power of a good hug.

Soory for your loss...<P>I liked claire's idea...<P>Keep us updated whenever you can.<P> <P>Jim

Lora,<P>First, I really admire your willingness to admit that your judgment might be clouded by your current mood. It is hard to remember that we all see our situations through a screen of our own perspective. <P>Please don't underestimate how obtuse we men can be. It is possible that by your husband telling you to stay as long as you wanted, he thought he was doing the best thing for you that he could. Many men just don't understand that many women really need to talk out their feelings to process them. <P>May the Lord Bless You and Keep You,<BR>John

Lora: My sympathy and prayers for your loss. I do understand what you are going through in regards to the lack of response from your spouse. It's painful, but you need to take care of you right now. I am sending you plenty of hugs(I know it's not your spouse's hugs, but use them to get the security you need for today). I am sending you a "atta girl" for getting up today and facing your fears. I am sending you an award for your strength in holding fast to your love for your spouse, but also love for yourself. I am sending you prayers whether you are a believer or not, you're getting them anyway for when you fall, the angels, spirits or your friendly neighbor ghost will pick you up so you can dust yourself off and move forward. Remember I am with you as well as the rest of us.

Isit2late, claire, sorbeit and Jim,<P>Thanks for the kind words, thoughts and prayers. Made me cry. It means so much to have people know what we are going though and give such unconditional support.<BR>Lora