Hi everyone. I’ve not been here for a couple of weeks. But I always seem to float back when things hit bottom again. As many of you know, my sister is ill and watching as things unfold is like witnessing an accident happen that you know is going to happen but just can’t prevent. <P>I got some pretty disturbing news today. I must go for genetic testing. Everyone in the family must be tested, and there is a chance some of us may be positive. I tell you, I’m definitely scared of this. Big time. I told my husband tonight while the kids were out. I didn’t get a response – he looked over for a second, then back to the tv. Of course, I didn’t really expect much else, and normally I just pretend I don’t notice. But man, sometimes I just want to kick him! Tonight I reacted badly. I asked if it be too much for him to even pretend to give a damn. He said that it was too late to talk about it – I should have planned better timewise. And anyhow, what was there to talk about? Let him know after I’ve had the test and then maybe he would have something to say. ??? He still has never once mentioned my sister, or asked about her or her family. I’m sitting here bawling, scared out of my mind, and thinking that I have to increase my life insurance before I even have the test because apparently they can refuse you insurance if you test positive. Sometimes I want to tell the whole world what a jerk he’s being (tonight’s one of those times). I feel lilke such a fraud when people tell me how lucky I am to have him. I’m not handling things really well tonight, maybe tomorrow’ll be different. Anyhow, thanks for letting me vent. <P>Moira<BR>

{{{{{{{{{{moira2}}}}}}}}}},<P>Do vent...<BR>...you have every right after the news you've gotten...<P>I'm praying the tests come out negative!... <P>Jim

I am so sorry Moira.....<P>Here, Hon....I'll give you a BIG HUG - that is what you need right now. H's can be clueless sometimes!!!<P>I will include you and your family in my healing prayers....Try to keep some positive thoughts on this. You'd be amazed at the power of positive thinking!!!<P>Vent, rant, rave, yell, kick, etc...do it all here......get it out!!!<P>H may be as scared and shocked as you - who knows what goes on in their heads!!<P>Big Hugs, Prayers and Strength,<P>Sheba

Thanks Jim & Sheba. I'm feeling a bit better today. Sheba, maybe you're right and it is fear motivating him. But, what if he wishes it was me instead of my sister? That's a pretty horrible thought, but somehow, I get the feeling he would really like me to just go away somehow in a way that nobody'd think less of him, but I'd be gone. <P>Funny thing is, while he's totally uncaring, a co-worker of mine has become really supportive. The exact opposite of H. He searches me out every morning to see how I'm doing, asks after my family, sends me information that he's dug up. All sorts of feel-good things. And no, nothing's going on - we're just friends. But sometimes when I get down, I'm starting to look more to him rather than hubby. Its a pretty sad comentary on my marriage.<P>Moira

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{moira}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>I'm so sorry for what you are going through, and for your sister and her family.<P>Praying for you...<P>Kathi

Moira,<P>Your H probably cares more than he is willing, or able to admit. He is denying his own fears. He deals with them by ignoring you and your problems. Not a very healthy way of dealing with it, I'll agree.<P>How to deal with that? Try talking with him, without the TV or kids around. Say something like "When I told you about the medical tests and you said nothing, I feel ignored, or that you don't care at all about me. Is that right? Or do you care about me on some level? How does it make you feel when I talk about this medical problem?"<P>Speak calmly, without malice, but clearly and firmly. He will either pick up on your strength and be able to respond, or he will hide further. Either way, you will know how he really feels. And you will feel better about yourself.<P>God bless,<BR>Kenneth