It's all over. He told me not to come home the other night. OW was here. H had told me "i still love her, but im not involved with her". she came here while i was out of town with friends. he called the sheriff on me. i left peacefully. i just read his email, they are desparately in love. it is sickening how i let him lie to me like that. im calling a divorce lawyer in the morning. i need a man, and he refuses to be one. it is sad. i have more to live for than his lies and empty promises. i am at his house now, she brought him a lot of gourmet food. i have a lot of support from my friends, and i will be ok, but i need you guys tonight to keep me in plan A, for my own sanity and my children's happiness. <BR>thank god she has turned into a fat, dumpy, stringy haired ugly thang, instead of the cute thang she was when i met her 2 years ago. life is hell, but i will survive.<BR>please, some words of encouragement, i need them

I'm sorry for what you're going through! Hang in there, keep your head up! I hope things work out for you.

thank you

LWB,<P>Sorry you are having such a hard time. Be with your friends as much as you can. It's good to have people who love us around, and know that you have alot of people who love you here too.<P>Remember, plan A is for you to be the best person you can be. Take care of yourself.<BR>Lora

Lovewasblind,<P>Keep your chin up, do things for yourself and your children, mine have helped me laugh more this week, I thank God for them. At times I wish I did not have to hear them arguing with each other but I have them with me and I am the lucky one there. Talk with your friends, post here, I am not very good at this, still in limbo land in my situation. But I understand and pray for you. The people here have prayed for me and my family. It will get better!<P>God Bless us all<P>Lila

Just to let you know I'm here with you, too...you're not alone. <P>This, too, shall pass. Try to think about the GOOD things in your life...<P>You will be in my prayers tonight, lwb.

thanks, all. i wish H would come home so that i could get out for awhile. this is HIS home, now, and he left signs of a very romantic weekend with OW all over the place. should i take a bath with HER bathsalts and bathpillow? hahahahahaha.<BR>i am above him, i am above him, i am above him.....<BR>i think i will go watch some pay perview movies on his TV. lol. im just like the babysitter, really, i oughta take advantage of it

LWB,<BR>Are you Ok? The post above sounded very sad..<BR>Hang in there, and know people here(including me) care about you. I can't give you any words which take away your pains.. I wish I could.<P>YES you ARE above him!<BR>MF<p>[This message has been edited by MF (edited May 30, 2000).]

lwb, I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. Yes, try to take care of yourself and your children. <P>Remember to only take what you want to take. You can draw a line in the sand and still do plan A!!!!!

yeah, im really pretty sad. i just found out he spent $800 on my trip to hawaii last month, not just $320 as he said. boy, he really wanted me out, bad...wonder why?<BR>there are all these charges down by OW's, i just saw his bank statement.sigh.<BR>it is truly amazing how much he lied to me, told me he loves me and wants us to work out, how much he hates her and claims she is engaged to another (he takes me for a fool, and ive been a fool for him, no doubt about it).<BR>i've got the name of a good lawyer, and i am in touch with my family to help pay for it. i just need this monstrous nightmare to end asap and to create a loving stable home for my babies. <BR>i am young and not bad looking and pretty smart, and if that is not what he wants, then i wont fight it. <BR>he is a very broken man, and OW is broken in the same ways. both were very badly abused as children and have a play now pay later (never) mentality, and that is not what i want or need in my life. im just wife #4.<BR>i harbor no bitterness, really. it was just not meant to be, in spite of the immense physical attraction.<BR>i cannot marriagebuild with someone who is so completely disinterested, and who has hurt me for so long and lied to me so much. i need to cut my losses and find my own strength in the world and in my heart. he is too broken to ever appreciate that i am not (he has looked for excuses to love me, claimed i was molested by my brother, and that im full of hate, but none of that is true, and he won't find any other common ground, so there is nothing to fight for.)<BR>time to go watch some TV now and get my mind off the world,<BR>thanks for all your replies and caring,<BR>hugs, <BR>julie

Julie-<P>I'm here too! Take some very deep breathes. I hear the pain in you post, and I am so very sorry.<P>A very wise woman once said to me, "Don't listen to your H. Don't listen to OW. Forget about what they say and do right now. Look to the Lord and listen to His promise. He will not desert you".<P>Julie, do not, I repeat, do not leave that house!!! It is NOT his house. You have every right to be there. You have 2 small children that need a home.<P>If he wants out, show him the door. Under no circumstances should you leave that house. Are you listening to me?<P>Call your atty in the morning. See what rights you have in accordance to your state law. <P>Why did he call the sheriff? Is she still in the house?<P>Talk to me, Julie. I'm on for a little while longer.<P>You can e-mail too. cc7315@yahoo.com<P>Take care, k?<P>Cheryl

Julie,<P>I know that you have been through some of the same things as me.....<P>Heed some warnings here.....you may be dealing with someone like my stbx.<P>You can e-mail me anytime...<BR>Kenizanasshl@aol.com<P>And if you can't guess....my stbx's name is Ken<P>Be careful<P>Thinking of you<BR>Nancy

Wish I knew what would strengthen your heart. Give you strength and numb the pain. This is terrible, and I would send a hand to hold if I could. <P>Now I'm going to give my standard advice: Get a facial, take a hot bubble bath, go for a manicure and pedicure and drink lots of spring water. And pray. I wish I had something original, but the manicure and pedicure always make me feel more like a babe and less like a mongrel, <P>Okay, I'll say a prayer: Dear Mary, Blessed Virgin, Please intercede with your Son on behalf of our sister and give her heart the resilience to weather the pain of terrible betrayal. Please help to soften the heart of our sister's wayward husband, and lead him back to his loving wife and away from evil. Thank you.<P>Like I always say, even if you're not Catholic, it couldn't hurt!<P>May you Sleep the sleep of the just and the innocent.

Julie,<P>I hope you are sleeping now. You have done your best, that is all any one cane do sweetie. I have seen post from you that broke my heart, but you hung in there and kept trying long after others would have given up.<P>Please hold your head high, knowing that you did everything humanly possible, and that there is no person who can say other wise.<P>I am so so sorry it has come to this. Please do get a good lawyer and look out for your childrend's best interest and your own.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Julie}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>You are loved, one day your h will wake up and be horrified to realise what he gave up.<BR>That will be a very sad day for him.<P>

Julie,<P>Just wanted to check and see how you are this morning. Hold your head high, you have nothing to be ashamed of. And take care of yourself and your babies.<P>(((((((HUGS)))))))<BR>Mitzi

well, i went to watch TV, H came home and invited me to bed with him, but then gave me a pillow when i refused, then at 3 am dragged me to bed and we had sex.<BR>this morning his daughter called him, i wrote her a short email last night that i was divorcing him after the 2.5 years of the affair with the woman she is friendly with as dad's "friend". i was nice and short and told her i'd like for us to stay in touch for my kids' sake. she read it to H over the phone in front of me, and he had not much to say but "im getting the kids", and then he was all over me like newlyweds all morning.<BR>I'm waiting for my lawyer to call me back, so i can get in touch with my brother about helping to pay for all of it, if need be. <BR>i went to the DR. this morning and got some more meds, and if they subpoena my records, it looks good, like i know i am taking care of myself. she's referring me to a psychiatrist, just for the heck of it, too.<BR>Every time the truth is presented to him, H gets all horny and happy, and though he claims OW is moving away with her fiance, i pretty much think H IS her fiance, and im sure he's just really thrilled that im leaving him and taking the responsibility off his shoulders. that's how it feels, anyway...who knows?<BR>ceecee-OW left on monday night, i am in the house, things are peaceful. he called the sheriff b/c i have a protective order against me, and he thought i might harass OW or him, so he thought he HAD to call, but i was pretty mild and left when he told me to, so no charges were filed. H is calling my lawyer to see if he can come to court tomorrow to get me out of this mess. fingers crossed.<BR>mental, thanks, i'll note that address. i think i will get the address julie@cliffhanger.com...guess what his name is? lol. hope the psychiatric eval. only helps me....<BR>belleveue-i like to highlight my hair...the blowdryer seems to blow all the pain away...but my toenails could use some polishing.... <BR>deb, thanks, you've seen my entire mess here, and ive put up with this psychopath LONG ENOUGH. gotta split before he tears me down any more....<BR>mitzi, thanks for the hug <BR>things seem ok today, i can't wait for court to be over tomorrow...hope all charges get dropped and this wont go to trial...i need no more stress.<BR>i'll tell you all what the lawyer says...<BR>julie

Hi Julie<P>I'm back from California, ended up with pneumonia but am better now - looks like the saga continues, huh?<P>I read the comment he made to his daughter "he's getting the kids".... You keep on protecting yourself and stay very sane and in control. Play every card right, and do NOT leave the house, have your lawyer make him leave so YOU are the one that is providing stability for you and the kids. Yes, stability can include the child support and an order requiring him to maintain the housepayments and utilities.... <P>Protect in the following order: #1 You, #2 Kids, #3 Finances, #4 marriage.<P>God Bless<BR>Connie

thanks, tnt. im glad you're back and feeling better <BR>i am definitely taking care of myself and my kids. my personal finances are not TOO horrible now (im pretty late on one student loan, but my credit is otherwise squeaky clean).<BR>marriage...well, i just have to remember to plan A to keep things nice for my kids. they don't need any stress of mommy and daddy fighting any more. kar did not even want to come home last night, he was a wreck. slept in my bed, of course...<BR>really, there is nothing left to save of this sham of a marriage. i had lots of hope, until i found she spent the weekend here...couldn't even wait till i left for texas!!! man, no impulse control at all...<BR>he is just not worth my time anymore.<BR>i deserve better, and it's up to me to find/create that in my life

Gee - mr.c brought misswitch to your house - AGAIN? (I know she was there before you moved in....) uggggghhhhh<P>mr.c is even too difficult for me to figure out. and you are a psyche major! ee gads! geez.<P>protect yourself. do not become munipulated, get your plan in action and carry on as if you are oblivious to his actions. be smart, julie. protect your self and your legal rights to the kids and support.<P>tnt

i know, connie, can you believe the nerve of him? and he keeps saying she was only here monday to play golf, yet the fireplace was used, all these romance-items are lying around, movies were watched, he went horseback riding (is $75 a bit much for ONE person?), and he swears the champagne bottle just opened itself and threw the cork in the bathroom trash. hahahahaha.<BR>it's just so.....pathetic.<BR>i asked him this morning if he was so shallow that he is hot for me now because im thin and she got fat, and he laughed, and said yes. too weird....he says he wont' have sex with fat girls, but the only laundry in the dryer when i got home was a few of his pajama outfits, so who is he kidding?<BR>ive detached from this all, my kids need me, and i wish that lawyer would call back so i could ask her some things...she must be taking a long lunch?<BR>just keeping busy,<BR>julie

hahahaha. H keeps looking for jobs in the "south bay" and we live 2 hours north in the "north bay", and i just found a letter to one of his possible employers saying that he has a place in OW's town to live, so wherever he gets a job is no problem.<BR>i bet if i confront him, he'll say OW's moving to New mexico with her fiance, and he can just be renting her place. hhahahahahahahahaha.<BR>i talked to the lawyer, and i will meet with her tomorrow. and my brother may help with all of it. thank god for family, and for the courage i had to call on them in my time of crisis!

My mother just talked to H's ex girlfriend, and she said H told her we were divorced already and that H has a nanny for my son, but did not even mention our daughter!hahahaha. my mom has all H's furniture at her house, and the x wanted a table, so they were talking, and mom found out that the woman did not "steal" all this money from H (as H had claimed), but that she paid all his enormous debts. fascinating. still in debt, of course.<BR>iv'e been lovebusting, and H is getting really scared, and threatening to testify against me in court, so i need to collect myself and see my final goal (keeping my children) and be calm again.<BR>any words of reinforcement would help, thanks. im sad. and scared. im blowing it.<BR>help!<BR>julie