An answer for Lonelyinlove - Marriage Builders® Forums

Hi Lonely,Don't be in awe, I'm just a regular person.Actually I think you asked several questions. Yes I was disgusted, and you could add a few more adjectives such as horrified, appalled, angry, scared and so on.How did he explain it - Well we are on what I refer to as the "honesty tour" which is systematically going through each of our lives and jointly analyzing the various things that have affected each of us. As I understand it, none of us has control over our sexual quirks, just our actions. There were reasons behind it, too complicated to go into. Had there been any actual contact my actions would have been much different.How did I deal with it - I insisted that it stop immediately, that all related software be removed, changed the password for the ISP. He agreed to everything, said he was happy it was over.How can I work on this marriage - Well 30 years is a long time and this is a good man and a good father. We've been through births, deaths, moves, job losses, just about everything. I know he loves me and I love him.As usual this got a little long, but I hope I've answered your questions.Take care.

Hanora, thank you so much for your quick and frank reply. I know what you mean about having put in 30 years and that's alot to throw away... I was married for 15, no affairs were involved. But in retrospect I regret ending it, wish I had of given him the chance to get counselling, or us together...I regret that. I guess I was suffering from the 'grass is always greener on the other side' syndrome. But man have I learned how 'not' greener it is. Oh well...past mistakes, must move forward. Hopefully have learned and don't want to make the same mistakes again. So...where abouts in Canada are you hanora?Thanks :-) Lonely

Hello again Lonely,I'm in Toronto, downtown. I'm an American and although I've lived here 20 years have seen pathetically little of Canada. All vacation time has been spent visiting family in the states. I have been to Ottawa on a business trip and enjoyed my stay.I think most of us have had the "greener grass" thoughts at some time or another. Every relationship requires a bit of compromise and tolerance, and a realistic assessment of the self. You're right, mistakes are unavoidable, we just don't want to make the same ones too many times. Are you presently involved with anyone? I wish I had found this site earlier, it might have changed things. I think I will give the Harley books to my boys when they get seriously involved with someone.Take care.

Hanora thanks for getting back to me. I remarried July 1999 to an Australian, we are in the throws on Immigration 'la la land" hehehe Seems I've made similar mistakes this time round and jumped into something 'way' too fast. This message board (I only stumbled up on it a few days ago) has been a godsend. Some of the stuff I'm reading is so close to home. It's always good to get a males point of view as well. I'm taking my daughter to Wonderland this summer...never been. I've been to Toronto a few times actually. I like TO very much. take care...and please feel free to message me 'more' I am enjoying the interaction and exchanging of experiences.Lonely

Hope your Wonderland trip is fun. We had an almost magical time there long ago. It was a nasty rainy day but we went anyway, the sun came out, the kids never had to wait for a ride. It was great.Immigration is a pain in the butt, the hoops you have to jump through. I think part of the problem is that there is a fair degree of latitude for individual officers. We got opposite opinions from different people on the same day. Are you going to Oz or is he coming here?

Hi Hanora, oh no...he came here in 1997 and has been here ever since (well, had to leave briefly in Nov. 98)

Greetings fellow Canadians, I'm out in Oakville!

Hi Goober..Oakville, near Toronto right? :-)How are you?What's your story? Hope you have a great day!Take care Lonely :-)

Gee Goober,With that name I put you down in peanut country, funny how we make assumptions.Take care.