A funny thing happened on the way to court today....I got divorced

Well its final. Didn't know it was even going to happen. Went to court for those contempt charges he filed on me. He came with his new attorney. Had 10 pages of demands...that if I didn't agree to he was going to fight for sole custody....I wigged out...gave into all of his demands....got custody and left 30 minutes later a single, divorced woman.I sold myself......gave away everything to him and entered into an agreement that I can't afford to keep the girls.I was rushed....never even got to read the agreement....and I read it after I got home and fell into a lump.BUT I RETAINED CUSTODY!!!!!!!!!Nancy

Geez M -I don't even know how to react to this one....I can imagine what you are feeling!!!!I am glad that you retained custody.Where was your attorney for this? Were they with you? If not - maybe it won't have to stick? I don't know......I am very glad about the girls though. They need you the most.I am sorry about the rest.......BIG HUGS,Sheba

Nancy, I'm really sorry. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

It' over with so quick,isn't it? The important thing is you got to keep your kids,right? Didn't you have a lawyer there,to read the agreement for you?When you feel up to it,elaborate on it,OK? Again,I'm sorry. --Murph

Nancy, But you got what you wanted most, the kids. Everything else is just details.God Bless, you are in my prayers tonite.Bob

Well this certainly isn't the post I was expecting! Unless I missed it, I was looking for the update on your kids and their trip with dear ol' dad. Obviously your H managed to get back in one piece! You have been through so much. You were handling things so well when your H absconded with the kids and took them out of state without your knowledge. Now this! Is it a done deal? You should have at least had a chance to read through the agreement! Anyway, I hope there's nothing in the agreement that really shortchanges you. Like you said, you have custody. If that's the most important thing to you, then you're the winner. Time to start your new life now. You hang in there Nancy.

It's kind of hard for me to go into details....Not because I am heart broken though. I guess I feel good. I haven't felt this good in a long time.Yes my attorney was there.I had not one iota of an idea today was the day.Either I signed the agreement or I was going before a judge and she would decide for me. I could have gotten more or I could have gotten less.But I walked into court thinking about a tradegy that happened just a few days earlier. A 14 year old neighbor died suddenly and the girls and myself were devasted.I thought that this woman would have given any amount of money in the world to have her daughter back. She would have given up her house...car...furniture...everything to see her smiling daughters face.That was what I thought today....I gave up everything to see my daughters smiling faces every morning. They are worth more to me than any money, furniture, car...etc.He may have won a battle....but I won the war.I have my beautiful girls. They love me and I will do everything possible to give them everything.He is not responible for medical, dental, eye, school clothes, book rental, anything. I am responsible to pay half the mortgage until the house sells. All of the utilities, they both add up to more than the child support. But I have the girls....and we will find a way to make it.Child support only raised 25.00......he just didn't care. He laughed and smiled and smirked through all of this.I felt every emotion possible when I saw him...except love. I did not feel love. I saw a lost soul that I no longer wanted to help......no longer felt sorry for.I saw a selfish man.....wearing his 400.00 suit...with his new teeth....hair graying and balding and his severe weight gain. He was not my husband.....he was a stranger that I was happy to never see again. I wish him the best....or the worst...or nothing....you see....I just have no feelings for him.This was worth it. I do feel better.

{{{{{Nancy}}}}},God will let you know when your happy. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Your daughters have been blessed... ...there is no doubt about it! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

I'm praying for you... ...very very much! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Jim

Oh, Nancy, I KNOW this was a shocker, but I can't tell you how happy I am that those precious children are with you!! You stay strong, Honey. This is gonna work out!Love and prayers,Lori

Nancy, I am so sorry for everything you and the girls have been through, but I am happy you got custody.Your thoughts about the mother of the girl down the street are right on track. Keep your priorities....and everything else will fall into place.Earlier this week, one of my closest friends, the one who basically lived my life for me during those horrible months at christmas, son suddenly had bruises all over him. His white blood cell count and platelets were down and he immediatley had to be taken for a bone marrow to check for leukemia. Something like that really makes you reassess what is important in life.He does not have leukemia. What he has is dangerous right now, but with medications and careful protection he will get through this.Life is really short. It is ashame that the WS loses that reality along with their consciences. They go off in another direction perhaps believeing that they are gaining....freedom, life, love.....when in fact they are giving it all away!!!!There are many wise people on this board who can help you problem solve re: your financial situation...you can do it.....we can help you.....

Nancy, I am so glad it's over for you. I think you did the right thing...Getting your girls is the most important thing of all, especially considering how he treats them. From one fellow Hendricks County resident to another, you did good.....

I'm a little in shock this morning. I am divorced...but I don't think that is the problem. I am shocked that I walked in court for these bogus charges he filed and I signed all this stuff to avoid the court hearing.I was told that the judge would decide everything for me if I didn't make up my mind in "2 minutes". I was not there for a divorce or to decide on assets or for a lot of that stuff.......I did not get to ask for anything.....like all the jewlery he took of mine...things he took last year when he had custody....any of the stock shares he took....nothing. I did not get to negotiate anything....Then I look on the bottom of these 10 pages and there it says that you agree that you were not under duress, or forced to sign this. Well I had no idea that I had no say in my divorce....I was told we were going to go to mediation.....ya right.

Nancy, I am so glad you got custody of your girls. I have been worried about you and them. But the whole court thing seems surreal. I can't believe your attorney allowed them to sandbag you like that! At this point, all you can do is move forward one step at a time. When the house sells, won't you be entitled to 1/2 the equity? Maybe that will help you get started. I don't know what you do for a living, but I know it's hard being a single working mom. I am right now. 3 kids, a full time job and I am starting back to college this fall. I won't have time to be sad or depressed. I wish I could do something to help you right now. It's so frustrating to be on this board and not be able to truly help those in need. But you are right...your girls are the most important thing. You have them. Money can't buy the love between mothers and daughters. And,as we all know, adversity can make you stronger. You will make it. I know you will. Just hang in there. Do what you have to do to keep the girls clothed and fed, even if that means food stamps or any other assistance. Keep your chin up, Hon.I'm rooting for you!!! ------------------ Blessed be. **************** KeridwenKeridwen_7@yahoo.com

What happened to you happened to me too and I want to tell you that in a few years from now you'll still feel bad about the personal things that he took but one look at your children's face and you'll still feel like a winner! My ex robbed our home which not only included all of our house hold belongings, but also every picture and home movie that we had of our kids. He took all of their savings bonds and every special thing that I had ever gotten from my mother and grandmother. He also charged up over 10,000 on a mutual charge card and then filed bankrupcy, leaving me with the debt. But, I have the kids. Now a few years later the kids are at the bottom of his priority list. He see's them 4-5 times per year even though he lives 2 miles away. These are not even weekend visits, just a few hours here and there. When I want to pop in a home movie and watch my kids when they were little I start to feel sad that they are gone forever. Then I think "Hey, I'm a part of them growing up every single day and nothing can be better then that". So, I want to tell you that now that your divorce is over you will finally be able to start healing and each day that goes by you'll grieve less and less for what you lost. You are the winner and I am so darn proud of you!

{{{{{{{{{MENTAL}}}}}}}}}}}You don't have to worry about him getting the girls [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

That's done.But are you sure you have no recourse?They say it's not over 'till the fat lady sings. It's hard knowing what to say without all the particulars. But could you prove duress without raising the custody issue again? Do you have anyone that can calmly review all the issues with you and the atty? Where WAS he during all this?

Nancy,I am very sorry.You sound like you're okay tho. Maybe it's just a relief for it to finally be over. And you did get what was most important than anything else in this whole mess, your girls. You've been so strong thru all of this, I pray that from here on everything will be easier for you and you'll start experiencing joy again.God Bless, Nancy.Jo------------------ Josie_Res@Hotmail.com"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak that will snap in the wind"

Nancy,I too amd EXTREMELY happy that you got your girls!! And your attitude about giving up everything to have them is wonderful....But.... I think the court system where you live sucks and I think your attorney sucks and I think your XH sucks...Any judge who can sit there and look at a man in a $400.00 suit and watch him laugh and find humor in torturing you and your girls financially like that is not worthy to hold that position... Trust me... your XH will get his one day... and then... justice will be served...I am curious too... Do you get half the equity in the house when it sells? I honestly wouldn't be surprised if you said no... if not... don't do a damned thing to fix it up or make any improvements to it... (I'm not telling you to trash it either!) but, just don't work at something that is a waste of your time...Good luck to you... move forward now... work on your new life with your children...

Nancy, I am glad you got your girls.I think you should change lawyers if you can. Doesn't look as if the one you have was looking after your best interest. I know it is hard, but they work for you. Be strong.

I'm going to take a month or two off from all of this divorce stuff......but I will then re-evaluate this divorce decree.I talked with someone today who told me that nothing is concrete.....I don't mean the divorce...but the agreement.I was snagged....I know that. But that doesn't mean things can't change on that part. But like I said...I will wait a while and see how I feel then. I don't want more trouble.....but will do what I have to do in the future.The person I talked to ( a contract lawyer...who is a friend of a friend) told me that I was forced to sign these papers and that I was under duress and coerced to do it by his and his attorneys threats. I need to stop and think....but I am so happy this is over with. It is true....I feel like the weights have been lifted off of my shoulders...I just feel so different. Been through hell and found my way back. I am so glad I found it too.Hey Guys...I survived....without a single tear in court.Nancy

Nancy, The rest doesn't matter, you got the most important thing, custody of your girls! PRAISE GOD!!!

Alcoholics Wife,AMEN Nancy

Nancy,I'd have to agree with Schizzo and Grand'... Where the heck was your lawyer during this "agreement"? Taking a nap?It's great that you got your daughters, but kids are expensive, as you know. $25??? What are you supposed to do with that? I'm not a lawyer, but I'm pretty sure that he can't coerce you into relieveing him of child support responsibilities.There are lots of other lawyers out there...

I agree with you Doug but the agreement is done. I will need to pay big bucks to fight it and still not sure anything can change.He is still in control of mine and the girls life ......for at least another 10 years. I can never go away on a weekend....anywhere because they have to be here to receive his calls.Of course he missed his scheduled call on Tuesday...he made us sit around and never called. Just being a jerk I guess. Nancy

hi Mental,It just irks me that he still can have that kind of control of you!!!Yes, I'm thrilled that you got your girls, and I bet they are too. You know that is where they belong. You are wise to give this a rest for a while. You need to re-energize yourself now, and really...how much good has it done you to pay those attorneys the money you have been paying them. Good for you for taking a break from the stress of this situation.Mental, you just sound really strong and good on your posts. I can't believe you did not even cry in court!!! You are just as much a role-model here as people such as Sheba and Lostva. You came through a horrible situation with CLASS, and you can always be proud of yourself with that. Thanks for teaching us how to hold our heads up high when things are so hard. allison

Hi there Mental,I have thought about you so often, and tried to follow your story and updates.I am SO glad to hear you finally got what you deserve, custody of your children. I agree, nothing else is important but that. Somehow, you will find the will and the way to provide everything they will need. But they will have what is most important, their mother and their mother's love. The way you have kept going throughout all this mire and muck has made feel quite ashamed of myself at times. You should be so proud of yourself.I guess sitting at home waiting for his calls (even when they don't come) is not much different from what we normally do anyway. I mean, we cook, bathe, do dishes and put children to bed. We have to be home for all that anyway, right?? I think what I mean is that if I was in your shoes, I would be at home anyway. It's not as if I would be going out, and then having to wait around at home for his call. I'm there at home anyway ....I firmly believe that what goes around, comes around. He will get 'his' one day, in some way. You may never even know, but he will.I just wanted to let you know how happy I am that you got the most important thing. You are the winner here, along with your children. I AM SO PROUD OF YOU.love and hugs, and lots of prayers will be continuing your wayJo

Nancy,It may seem like you are not free from him for 10 years at this point. But, believe me, this agreement is the best thing that could have happened to you all.Your husband is so into power/control, he would never have been satisfied unless he felt like he "won". It is odvious what was important to him from the beginning - money, not the girls.Let him think that he has won - all he wants. It will help you to be able to truly be free from him. And, you know - there are cell phones - in the event you need to get away for a weekend, you can notify him in advance - (be sure to follow that court agreement to the tee) - and he will have no excuse. There is a way around everything, to stay within the agreement and work towards your freedom as well.I bet that in 2 years you will have figured out completely how to move towards a healthier life for you and the girls, and he is very disinterested in you, them or your life. Do make sure you do not flaunt any future relationships in his face, unless you want to go through another round of trouble with him. Believe me, I know.God Bless You and the girls. Don't stop the counseling for them, they still need the tools to learn how to deal with an mentally abusive father. TnT