Thank you K - 08/14/00 04:30 PM
Hey Steve H...er...I mean K. ,<P>I simply wanted to thank you for a post you wrote last week in the recovery area. You said - <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I think that it's Steve's belief that my wife hasn't fully "processed" the affair and moved past it yet. Some people don't need to---they can compartmentalize it and learn new behaviors without going through the typical "grief---withdrawal---guilt---recovery" process. Compartmentalization is something I do very well at---I've learned to compartmentalize my sex life (which is extrememly important for me) away from how I feel about the rest of my marriage (which is extremely good---about an 8.5 on a 10 scale today). I used to use the sex as a yardstick for the marriage---I think it's a pretty useful measurement, but in some cases (like this), the dysfunction is in a specific area and not reflective of the whole of the relationship. Being able to separate the dysfunction from the relationship lets me function pretty well.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>I've been feeling rather low lately. I was certain - I was different from others in that my marriage wasn't healing as it should. I realize that I have probably been using sex as a yardstick in determining the quality of my marriage. I have also been frustrated by those who sometimes post "we only have sex 2-3 times a week - I wish my spouse wanted sex more often" - aaaarrrrgggghhhhh! It makes me feel like a sexual failure. In reality, I know I'm not a failure. Practically every other area of my marriage is doing better than it ever has. <P>I often wonder in we betrayed men have a more difficult time healing this area of our marriage than betrayed women. It seems that women who have fallen to this sin have a difficult time recovering their sexual desire for their husbands. I don't know. <P>I too have been told I'm doing all the right things (very depressing). Perhaps more TIME - don't you hate that word?<P>K, thank you for helping me understand that I shouldn't use sex as a measuring stick. I've heard it before, but it needs to be driven into me. It is a problem area, but it doesn't mean my wife doesn't love me or that my marriage isn't getting better. My wife still has a lot of healing to do - and perhaps - so do I. <P>Thanks again K.<P>God Bless,<BR>SHA<P>------------------<BR>There is only one happiness in life, to love and be loved.<p>[This message has been edited by Sir Hurts Alot (edited August 14, 2000).]