<BR>I had an affair with this guy for a couple of months.The first month it was really intense after that it slowly started to fizzle.Since at first he was the one to really push the issue then he started to kinda pull away like he would call less and when we did talk he was very brief.So at that point I realized that it was becoming more trouble than it was worth and I told myself that this was not right and I wasn't going to talk to him anymore.On several occasions I was set out to tell him this but whenever I talked to him I choked up and never said anything.Well we met up the other night and he wasn't acting his usual self and I was getting a really bad vibe.He was being kinda cold and distant and I was just telling him how glad I was to see him and how much I thought about him,all that mushy stuff that you regret later.When at about that time my cell phome rang it was my H and I had to lie about where I was right in front of the OM.Well after we hung up my lover tells me not to take it personally but he feels really "icky" and that he just can't do this anymore.He said that all of this just wasn't in his personality since he is so honest and he just can't do it.Well I respect him a great deal for tellig me this,but at that moment I never felt so disgusting,cheap and humliliated in all my life.It should have been me to break it off first,I felt like he would have respected me more as a person,Instead I feel that he sees me as a heartless cheater.When I really was thinking it first.Why do I feel so low?<BR>

Well I think for one, it would have eased a lot of guilt if you could have said to H "I knew it was wrong and broke it off" <P>and now you feel guilty and rejected. Rather then being able to be in control of the situation.<P>What are you doing now? <BR>Why did the affair happen?<BR>Are you in counseling?<BR>Have you told your H?<BR><P>------------------<BR>Cat<P>catfrommb@yahoo.com

Thanks Cat for responding I wasn't so sure if anyone really understood my question but you nailed it.I posted another topic and it kinda explains things alot better.<BR>This post sounds confusing only because I was nervous and I didn't know how to start-Understand?<P>Thanks

I am considering sending a letter to my OM with whom I'm having an EM. I don't want my marriage any longer, but I'm too wimpy to be straight up with anyone! He is going through a divorce and just let widowed ex-wife #1 (out of many) move in for her convenience. Before I send it could someone please give me some feedback? The reason I wrote it now is because I'm afraid he is going to cut me off first. I'm scared to lose him, scared to go further, and really really sad about my marriage situation.<P>"Dear G., I'm afraid I owe you (and C.) a huge apology. You do have deep feelings for her. I should never have gotten in the way. You two have a far deeper bond than A. and I have ever had. I'm sorry I latched on when you had desires and long-term intentions elsewhere. Your "guilt" is not only revealing, but controlling. I want you to have a wonderful life from now on. Forgive my selfish desires that seemed to be in the nature of "using you." I wasn't. And I do truly want the best for you. And that isn't messing around with me, however much fun it is. There really is a shred of compassion in this Grim Reaper's heart! <BR> <BR>"Please keep in touch and let me know what else I can do to be helpful rather than destructive. When I do leave the marriage I want it to be on irreproachable terms. Even so, I could handle betraying him and dealing with my guilt for entertaining adultery, but I can't handle the guilt for messing up your life. And you Definitely do not want your life and emotions messed up! I sensed that loud and clear. If you want to remain friends that is my desire also, if you can handle it without stress. If you still want to be *emotionally* involved with me then I need good evidence that my entire premise here is mistaken.<P>Please invite me to your next wedding. I promise not to get in a fight, break anything or get drunk."