Well, it is all out in the open. He won't give her up, she calls here all the time, he insists that i leave as soon as possible..i've just been pushed to the side. He makes these lame little comments that maybe we can find some common ground and work things out, but in the same breath mutters something about her being the love of his life.<BR>I guess im moving from "conflict" to "withdrawal" (we have not had "intimacy" in years, really). We both forgot our meds yesterday, and we had some bickering (usually i do very little around HIS house, i hate this place, and just don't have the energy, what with the 2 little ones, but yesterday i went out to help in the garden, and of course we ended up LBing and it hardly seemed worth the effort).<BR>He can't afford the lawyer to get me out of this court thing, so i finally had to break down and call my family (ugh), but dad finally has a decent job, and said he'd do what he could, so i hope everything works out real fast and i can go to texas for a month or so with the babies and get my head straight.<BR>sigh.<BR>I suppose i am worth more than this,huh? am i so bad that my husband can just have another woman as his "best friend" and im not supposed to feel bad about it? Deb, i can really empathize with you and all bozo's online friends and such. yuck. i feel like i must be such a pathetic loser...<BR>oh well, his loss

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by loveWASblind=lWb:<BR><B>I suppose i am worth more than this,huh? </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Yes. I read something somewhere about frogs. It said that when frogs are dumped into a container of boiling water, they quickly jump out and save themselves. When frogs are put into the water and slowly boiled, the always end up boiled alive. <P>I think that is the same thing that happens in relationships. They are slowly crippling and we don't realize just how close to death we are until the guillotine is about ready to fall- if then.<P>If you haven't had intimacy for years, is it worth holding on to? Do you think there is a chance he will give her up and that if you stuck things out, you could have something worth having? what does your heart say? <P>Are you going to stay and be boiled alive, or turn down the heat, or jump out? If you go, you can be whole again. Look at all those people who have survived!

popeye, that is the EXACT analogy ive been using...i KNOW the water was getting hotter and hotter, i just kept coming up with reasons to stay, and believing his lies. He's never been honest with me, so i never knew what to think about whether he thinks we have a chance or not. im in limbo now, and i guess during my time away with friends i'll figure it out. H will run off with OW or i'll get the guts to file for divorce, or i'll come back and all will be fixable and ok...this is the kind of limbo that allows for me to plan A at least, so im not a wretched b!tch all the time, and my self esteem is really rising. (plus, the "infidelity" diet is doing wonders for my figure, and i feel so much better that im down to my skinny jeans again!!!).<BR>my snapping and beating him up was the REAL realization that the water was boiling, so to speak, and now is the time for action, so that's why im going on my long vacation.<BR>in my heart of hearts, i want him to give her up and give me the marriage i deserve.<BR>