...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited July 02, 2001).]

Beerman2,<P>Well, lets review the bidding here. She wasn't going to be with you this weekend anyway right? You two are separated. She apparently isn't planning on coming back immediately, new 6 month lease. Isn't she pregnant as well? Cannot remember exactly.<P>Maybe just maybe there is some jealousy. <BR>But realistically, I think you should in your best Plan A, tell her that you love her, that you want the marriage, you would love nothing better to be back together, BUT you aren't.<P>You need a vacation from everything and this offers a chance to be with people you like. You don't want to vacation alone, you spend enough time alone. <P>All of the rest of things you could say, like it wasn't my idea to separate, I didn't have an affair, and your not committed to me why should I listen to you, ... did I miss anything , you should not say.<P>You know Beerman2 your marriage is only going to last as long as you decide to try. The day you decide "to heck with it", she is gone. I suspect she knows that her safety net may develop a hole if you meet someone else. So she is afraid. You don't have to tell her this she knows it.<P>So I recommend you tell something along the lines of the top paragraph and go enjoy yourself. You could use a little fun, right?<P>God Bless,<P>JL

Wow, this is a tough one. It really depends on where your relationship is at right now. Are you two getting along better? Have you said maybe ten words to her since your separation?<P>Even if the two of you have been taking just baby steps towards reconciliation, I wouldn't go on the trip. You have to kind of walk on eggshells during this situation, and you don't want to have to take a giant leap back when it's taken you so long to move forward. If things have gotten even the least bit better, the best thing that you can do is show her how hard you're willing to work to save your marriage.<P>If there has been no progress in the seven months that you've been separated, I would say go on your trip, but maybe give her a number where she can get a hold of you (cell phone, pager, cabin #, etc.) Just don't do anything on your trip that would further jeopordize things.<P>Hope that helps a little <P>CB

And now for something completely different...<P>What if...you don't do something you know she doesn't feel enthusiastic about and don't go. (ring any bells? If not, you've never read a Harley book). Make some other vacation plan that won't cause resentment.<P>What if...you ask her to go with you? Could you make different accomodation arrangements so you could be near eachother or together? You could then spend your time pointedly showing her how much more important she is to you than the women/friends she's insecure about.<P>What if you asked her what sort of vacation plan would she be more agreeable to? (without sounding as cocky as that just did!)<BR>How about this way, "How can I alter my vacation plans in a way that you would feel more O.K. with?" Just asking this may be depositing a love unit! Imagine if you complied with her suggestions?!<P>What if...you use this as an opportunity to meet an EN of hers instead of an LB?<P>What if...you think more about your marriage being the priority here than a vacation plan that would add one more strike against you?<P>I don't have any experience here--if you're separated I thought that Plan B meant no contact--and that isn't what you are doing if you two are communicating. (A modified Plan B? Plan C? Plan A 1/2?)<P>But there you are. I had fun with this. I hope you get to have some fun, too, Beerman.<BR>Have a great weekend!<P><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 12, 2000).]

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited July 02, 2001).]

I'm probably the most right?!<P>That is probably the nicest thing that anyone has ever almost said to me! <P>Be miserable and do the right thing, Steve!! <p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 12, 2000).]

Hi Steve,<BR> Go to the river and have a good time! She's not afraid of you going and having a good time,she's afraid of you going and hooking up with someone else.If that's not going to happen(hooking up with another woman)then there really is no reason for you not to go.Afterall,she chose to separate,you've been a gentleman and offered to take her with you and she refused,now the fact that you vacation(it's only a weekend) is the natural consequence of something she ultimately chose.You know I agree with all the plan A stuff,but there HAS to be some realization for your W that this is the result of her choice.If you put this aside, IMHO, you are showing her she can manipulate you.She isn't even living in the same house with you and obviously intends on not coming home for at least another six months.She has had the privilege of vacationing,why shouldn't you.You were even gracious enough to ask her to come along,she declined.If she was that worried about it she would go.Sounds like she has a little bit of a problem with you having some fun.My opinion would be different if you were not separated<BR>

I think you should ask her what type of vacation that would be acceptable for both of you to go on....just the two of you. It does not have to be expensive or extravagant but something she is comfortable with. It may be a simple as staying home with you for that weekend or going to a Holidaome hotel. <P>I think you have a marvelous opportunity for some big Plan Aing but you will have to make it fit. I think only you will know that. Beerman<P>Don't go if she is uncomfortable but use that to get some Plan A stuff accomplished.<P>Think about it and make it right<P><BR>Love and Prayers for You and Your Family!!<P>J W<BR>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Beerman2:<BR><B> She will never, in a million years, go on this particular outing with me. I have asked her if she didn't want me to go, and all she will say is that I should do what I want.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>1)Why?<P>2)So you never <B>really</B> asked her if she would join you, did you? Just if she didn't want you to go?<P>Oooh, Motherhubbard, you're good! I never thought of it that way.<P>Oooooooh, I'm with J W!<P>Sorry, Steve. I'm a Libra.<p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 12, 2000).]

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited July 02, 2001).]

Hi there! Whatever you decide, good luck to you! <P>------------------<BR> <A HREF="http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse" TARGET=_blank>http://www.geocities.com/zbucketmouse</A> is where my page is. Check it out!:)

Steve, wait, don't go, you yellow-bellied varmint, you!! I <B>KNEW</B> you didn't ask her.<P>Alright, let's do some role-playing so you can get up the nerve. Pretend I'm her. Okay, now say, "_____, how would you feel about coming to the lake with me? I would love to spend some time with you there."<P>"Are you crazy!! NO WAY!!"<P>Okay... are you still alive?<P>Now, how about this?<P>"Do you really want me there?"<P>Or this?<P>"I don't think so, but thanks for asking."<P>Or this?<P>"What, with all your floozies?!"<P>Or this?<P>"Yes, YES, Oh, Steve, <B>YES</B>!<P>Now, all you have to do is predetermine you response to each and you've got it covered, Dude! <P>Ok, I give, what's ASTC?!<P>

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited July 02, 2001).]

Gosh, you type slow.<P>I am so relieved that that's what that meant!! I thought I was gonna have to slap you!! Rampant imagination. Do you know that you have a new entry for Alphabet Soup Explained? I just came from there and PMP.<P>Your answer was such a bummer! But now I can see that you're W isn't manipulative. Even <B>I</B> don't want you to go now!!<P>But you really deserve to have a relaxing time away from this stressfull situation and reoup from you cramp. I just wish it wasn't such an LB, that's all.<P>But if you come back here Monday and I find that you hooked up with one of them floozies, you're in big trouble, Mister! <P>And that's my final answer. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 12, 2000).]

Steve ...<P>Don't go. You should plan a week-end where BOTH you and W can go. I read all the posts and my vote is DON'T GO.<P>Lets see ... you're still hoping there's a recovery for the marriage one day, ya? Well, if you go I believe it will be considered an LB by W, and don't be surprised if she uses it for ammunition later for justification of doing something that hurts you. I'm not saying you don't deserve a vacation or that you deserve W's retaliation for going, I just see the writing on the wall.<P>You can go on a vacation anytime. And I know you're hoping one day again it will be with your entire family as a Married man. But if for some reason it doesn't turn out that way .. well you can go on vacation then too.<P>Why not take advantage of the situation and Plan A her by NOT GOING. I think it will make a deposit to her Love Bank.<P>At least ask her where she would suggest going instead of the River. And then ask her to come along.<P>Lets us know what you're gonna do, Beerman2.<P>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited July 12, 2000).]

Steve,<BR>I vote with Jo.<P>You don't stumble upon a pit of rattlesnakes and jump in hoping that you wont get bit.<P>You said that the bosses daughter wants to fix you up. There will be 2 available(sort of) women there. You are lonely and feeling rejected. <P>Why would you want to set yourself up for disaster. Maybe you have the resolve to "fight off" any advances by other women, but add a little Beer----------------<P>Dont go!

...<p>[This message has been edited by Beerman2 (edited July 02, 2001).]

Yay!!! Way to go, Beerman!! Whoo, whoo, whoo!!<P>And in recognition of a job well done, here is your link:<A HREF="http://members.aol.com/nigthomas/alphabet.html" TARGET=_blank>Alphabet Soup Explained</A> <P> <P><p>[This message has been edited by Leilana (edited July 13, 2000).]

Proud of you Beerman2!<P>You're making the right decision. Remember, when you Plan A you shouldn't expect anything in return, so IF your W doesn't acknowledge your sacrifice, please don't be hurt.<P>But ... I think you have made a deposit to her Love Bank.<P>Hey, is this the Colorado River that you were headed? If so, man oh man, that place is wild. Been there and survived it many many times. But that was in my 20's.<P>Be well ...<P>Jo<P>