Embarrassed wife asking--Do "batteries" hender a wife's responsiveness? - 10/16/00 12:09 AM
"The name's have been changed to protect the innocent". Me and my wonderful husband need help!<P>Background. I've been married between 20-25 years. 2 1/2 years ago I had a several month affair with a MM, tried to halt it and it resumed several times until my husband found out. Then it stopped. The affair was mainly online. We never had intercourse, no oral stimulation of any type, never reached climax except thru masturbation while online several times, and lastly on the phone once with breathing (no vocal gymnastics--was too embarrassed) at the end of an online erotic chat my husband later found. I apologize for the ugliness of it all as I refer to it. My way of thinking was if we did those things "in the flesh" it would have made it a "literal affair/adultery". So due to my weak conscience we didn't "go all the way" physically. I am now very thankful that we did not! In person it was petting under clothing due to the public locations, I was too embarrassed to touch "his". (I'd insisted on only public places fearing things would go further if in private). About 2 months before the affair came out I stopped the once-every-few-weeks-meetings due to my guilt. It was still an affair and very wrong to do to my husband. I apologize and don't want to hurt others here with these specifics. I'm being detailed because my own brain says, "Sexual dysfunction has to be due to sexual guilt." I know for myself there was guilt about it should have never happened, limited as the physical stuff was. <P>Prior to the affair, I'd have o's 8 out of 10 times probably and I'd even become multi-o sometimes. It usually took about 15-30 minutes of foreplay. Maybe 1-2 times a month we would use a "battery supplement" just for change.<P>After the affair it was like I totally lost the ability to o for several weeks, then only with "battery help". Sexually I felt very ashamed of myself--shame, shame, shame that I'd masturbated to technically avoid an overt affair. Reestablishing our marriage we'd use "battery help" half the time, and with 60 minutes work, I'd eventually "get there". Now it's down to 25-45 minutes. I think I've only o'ed without "battery help" 3 times since the affair ended. For obvious reasons we've used "battery help" more and more until now it's every time. So my question, "Does battery help ultimately reduce a wife's responsiveness"?<P>Does my body/brain need to relearn this skill or what? The obvious challenge is we don't want me to be o-less for weeks or months while trying to work it out. My husband feels he's being respectful to help me feel sexually satisfied even if it has to be battery-powered. He and I both want to regain the ability to o without being battery-dependent. Have we made a bad situation worse by creating a dependency? <P>Respectful thoughts, please.<P>Wilma