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Posted By: OffOnOnOff How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/20/00 05:45 PM
<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
Posted By: PamO Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 06:00 AM
No, it's not silly, and it doesn't sound like your hormones talking at all.<P>You're a normal human being who loves their spouse and needs adult physical affection and love.<P>Personally, I think this is a good sign for you, it shows that you haven't shut down yet. And as long as that hasn't happened, you can continue to work on your marriage.<P>As for how to fight those feelings, that's a bit harder. Stay busy in the evening. Find a good book, play games with your kids, find a project to work on, start exercising. Do anything that will fight that lonliness. Have you tried KavaKava (I think that's what it's called) to help you relax enough at night to sleep?
<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
Posted By: Adrian Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 12:49 AM
OOO, <P>I agree with PamO, and I think I know how you're feeling, I'm there now, too. H and I are separated for 11 weeks now, had sex (very "pale") only 4 times since he ended up in hospital July 28th. As for me it's not about sex, I desperately miss that feeling we ahave alwyas been closed to each other, we enjoyed sometimes just resting our heads at each other's chest. <P>Yes, count me in when talking about romantic scenes; yesterday I watched a movie on the video, some kind of very light romantic comedy, but gosh, I cried. I just couldn't stand that caressing, taking care of each other (there were not many bed scenes, one or two maybe). <P>Once, only few days after he moved out, H called me around midnight and asked to come to his place - later on I learned he just needed company, needed me,he couldn't make it to stay alone that night. I sat on couch, he put his head on my lap, my hand on his head, and shortly after was sleeping calmly, like a baby. God, I would give my right arm to have his head on my lap tonight, here at home. <P>But, it's 1.50 AM now, I'm still typing posts, just another sleepless night. <P>I haven't been very successfull in beating my lonelines during night; since H left my D sleeps in my bed; she's 12.5, and I guess she needs to feel close to me, she needs some that feeling of security, no wonder being hurt so much (my H was everything for her). However, what works for me usually (if I'm not too much stressed) is a good cup of warm milk or cocoa, or Natracalm. I don't know if you can purchase it in USA, it's UK made, not a real medicine, but something natural, made of herbs (Passiflora, in this case). I'm sure you can find something similar in your nearby pharmacy. <P>From time to time I too ask myself is it all worth of so much pain and effort, I guess we all do. Frankly, today I don't know. I've been badly hurt again today, and every time this happens, I ask myself how much more can/I'm willing to take. <P>But, deeply in my heart, I know I will stand for my marriage till the moment I'm not married any more. Maybe, PTC is the answer ... I don't know, I adopted it as my new religion and try to stick to it, no matter how hard it is. And, God, it is awfully hard. <P>Keep your chin up, OOO, and keep posting. <P>Take care, <P>Adrian<P>
Posted By: max Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 01:42 AM
Why are you allowing this situation to continue. You are allowing her to sit on the fence without making an effort to help rebuild the marriage. In my opinion you would be better off divorced and living close to your children than living in this kind of loveless marriage. Life is too short for this kind of nonsense.
Posted By: Lora Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 01:50 AM
OOOO,<BR>I think its normal. I hate those love scenes too, I started crying once during a movie when he lived here and was so distant. <P>I wake up most nights too for awhile.<BR>Stress i think.<BR>I am trying to exercise and it seems to help a little.<BR>Lora<BR>
<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
Posted By: sing Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 05:27 AM
<BR><p>[This message has been edited by sing (edited November 20, 2000).]
Posted By: sing Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 05:36 AM
I have a hard time watching movies. For awhile I had a hard time with bks, my favorite are more of romantic suspense, I couldn't read them, I went for more suspense less romance. <P>Helped last yr. when I was teaching, I couldn't be tired from staying up all night, facing classroom of HS students is not something you want to do, if you are not up to full speed. But now I play too much on the computer, I have over loaded on the election, & I read, read, read.<P>what I would not give to give my H just one hug but there is like this ice wall around him where it comes to me. I just get lonelier & lonelier. He does not sleep much either but get he calls from all over the world, & they call from the states all the time, plus I think he sleeps with his HP, I think so he can talk to the OW. <P>Guess I didn't have any good ideas for you, except that you are not the only one. The exercise sounds good. Hang in there.
Posted By: Adrian Re: How do you deal with loneliness at night? - 11/21/00 06:33 AM
OOOO, <P>thanks for so nice post, you made me cry. Please read my yesterday's thread initiated here in Gen. Q "Deep down due to new discovery ....". There you can find almost whole my story. H attemtped suicide because of OW, he is better now, at least physically better, but we're still in limbo. <P>Yes I do know how hard it is when you can't touch her but have to look at her every day. <BR>At the point we are now, we didn't come that far.When he is home, he allows me to touch him, but is always absend, and sometimes I see he feels uncomfortable. Then he usually keeps me at arms long distance - kiss me shortly and just go away, do something else. This is so frustrating, too. <P>Natracalm is produced by English Grains Healtcare. According to brochure enclosed there is 71,4 mg of dry extract of green passiflora in 1 pill (Passiflorae herbae extractum siccum 1:7). I hope this will help. <P>I wish you all the best, my friend <P>Take care and keep posting here, we do understand. <P>If this could help, please, feel free to contact me at<P> <P>I'll be glad to share with you. <P>Adrian
Wow. I thought that I was weird, because even now, 9 months after d-day, I still cannot watch a love scene on tv. My favorite movies that I have watched over and over again, I have to fast forward through the kissing, tender words--not to mention the more in depth portrayals of intimacy. I think that this affair of his killed this in me. I think of her and him together every time.<P>Those sappy loves songs, I hate them. I stopped listening to country music--can't stand it. Now I kinda know why a lot of people don't like it.<P>Maybe someday, all of this will get turned around for me, I hope.
<p>[ January 09, 2002: Message edited by: OffOnOnOff ]</p>
OOOO,<P>Here's what worked for me while my wife slept in another part of the house for most of a year:<P>I established a routine at night:<P>* Went upstairs at the same time every night.<BR>* Exercised for 30 minutes<BR>* Read for 30 minutes<BR>* Ate well and took vitamin supplements<P>It took a while, but I started sleeping well, and actually ended up enjoying this time to myself.<P>Hope this helps!<BR>
My W and I sleep in separate bedrooms, but we almost always go to bed at the same time. Our routine is always to have a nice warm hug before going into our separate rooms. That usually gives me enough of a boost to go to sleep with a smile. It gets tough when I wake up during the night, and start thinking about the OM, the lies, the future, etc, that it gets tough.<P>As far as movies, forget it. I never realized that every single movie ever made seems to have an affair, a divorce, broken hearts, love, etc. No matter what I see these days, I get a moment of emotion (and the only movie I ever cried at before was Schindler's List).<P>AGG
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