A holiday question for betrayed spouses. - Marriage Builders® Forums

This is my second holiday season with the dysfunctional family crowd. The holidays are pretty powerful on the heart. Last year my Wife turned her PA into an EA from Thanksgiving through the end of the year and I really saw "her" through the fog at times'. This was all pre-D-day but I knew and had hard evidence of her affair. As soon as the holidays were over she resumed the PA and graduated to a new level of cruelty towards me by doing things like hugging and kissing complete strangers in a bar in front of me. Then using tripped out excuses like "you don’t own me", "you should be flattered to be with someone that other men find desirable" and the best "Why are you so upset about that, It didn’t mean anything, I don't even know his name".So my question is, Do you have any feelings that any positive steps you might be seeing now are influenced by the holiday spirit to be near family and friends and will dissipate as soon as we all get back to every day life? Am I the only one with these types of experiences or feeling? On a liter note for those of you writing about shoveling show and scraping ice. Today it is 80 in sunny St. Pete Beach, FL. The girls (3 & 5) and I will be decorating our boat with x-mas lights for a lighted boat parade tonight. I know where ever you live that U-Haul rents trucks and trailers, so just do it. I was raised in Iowa untill I was 23 and remember quite well what 10 below and 103 degrees feel like. Fla. is not as bad as you might think; a few of us even know how to count.Thanks in advance for any feedback,Mike

This is my first holiday seperated so I'll let you know. As far as 80 degrees- how nice. I'm in minnesota and we are barely above zero! Enjoy it for me!

Mike - I've been anticipating the holidays as a time of potential changes, as you attest to. Don't know what will happen, but I expect my wife and son and I will be together someplace a day at a time. She won't stay over night with me anywhere - including her relative's homes because in Maryland, that starts the one year clock over for the mandatory waiting period for divorce.I haven't seen more positive than negative steps lately, so any influence of the holidays has not arrived.Envy your location and boat parade. I'm a life long sailor and my wife and I were pretty darn good around the bouys racing before kids.Wat

Mike---where in Iowa? My H and I are originally from there, too.....

Hurtingirl, I am originally from the Des Moines area. Johnston to be specific. What bout you?Mike

Whoa!, I'm only one state up and it rained ice yesterday! It's pretty cold up here.Last year I got none of those special moments. Didn't know about the A yet but it was pretty rotten anyway. I say if you get a few peaceful moments here and there go with it. She may just store it in her memory banks and mull it over later. I wouldn't think about it too much though.

Pella---about 45 min from Johnston....

Hurtingirl,Been to Pella several times. Used to take girlfriends to Tulip festival in High school and college. Also had a couple friends who worked on the computers over at Pella Windows. Nice place to be "from".

Been at the Tulip festival more times than I can remember, and marched in the high school band in the parades lots of times, too. Also went to college at Central.My H worked at Pella Windows the first couple of years in college on an intern program, and I have several cousins and an uncle who also work there.....Yeah, I do like the town. Great place to raise kids....maybe we'll end up there again someday, who knows.......

This is my second Christmas separated... we are close to finalizing the divorse and the holidays are not really very fun. I live in Omaha by the way....

Mike,I'm just a little north of you. This weather is great. Yep, many of us Floridians can count and the exceptionally bright ones can even poke a hole in a piece of paper without leaving a "chad". rofl

Mike,Hey man, any sissy can be in a Christmas boat parade when it's 80 degrees out! We got one coming up in Baltimore Harbor. Fortuneatly, our Hatteras has a fireplace (and a diesel furnace) so we might not freeze to death......I am kinda worried that we might get carried away with the Xmas lights tho....we have a 12 and a 20 KW generator on board and theyre gonna be groaning!Oh well, Have fun out there. Merry Christmas to all!Bill

I don't know if the holidays are influencing us or not. This is our first one since D-Day, so I'll have to let you know after it's over.Right now, one day is good, one day is not as good, etc...By the way, no snow where I'm at: Southern California - where the sun shines 24 hours a day and everyone drives convertables and hangs out at the beach! [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

[Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com]

Sounds a lot like FLA… except less blue hairs (read retirees).

This will be my first time in 18 years being seperated from my family at Christmas. My wife has been doing her best to paint me as a mentally ill , and the children have pretty nuch Triangulated and rallied around their Mother. I will have to go to court to get something , legally ordered to allow me to to see my kids. She rationalizes all of this by saying that this is what her therapist told her to do. I think it has something to do with catching her redhanded with a ex boyfriend....who knows better daze are coming.....