Hello to you new people, and Hi to those who may remember me....it's been a Long time. I read here alot,I remember you all in my prayers at night. I miss the parties and the food. LOL LOL.....<P>Well....It's been 3 LONG Years since My Husband and I have started recovery....yes...the Marry-go-Round, the Bumpy Road, the Fork in the Road, the Ups and Downs, the Good and the Bad.<P>I thought I'd post my SUCCESS Story, to give you some hope, to let you know, it CAN work....But, it takes time.<P>Let me begin, since some of you don't know me....by saying......<BR>My Husband, now of 31 years, had a "Bad Brain Period" of three years. Totally unknowing to me,.....as HE tells me, Totally not my fault, Nothing I did wrong. But, the thing I did wrong was loving him so much, that I didn't see anything happening.<P>This was a Neighbor, Yes, a Friend of the family who car pooled with him in bad weather, (I guess the bad weather got worse and worse!) He was a shoulder for her to cry on, since she had not been happy in her marriage for 20 some years, and he bit the dust! To ask him, he doesn't know how it started, why it started, but he took full responsibility for his actions.....Alot of it he DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER....does this sound familiar to alot of you?<P>When he decided to get off the pot, and make up his mind of what to do, it took 2 months of more suffering for him, and a new suffering for me, since he told me and I had just found out. Let me say, that this man, even while he was going through the affair, treated me like Gold. He wasn't having the GREAT time that he thought he would. I know now, that it was because we have been in love since 1966, and we were always meant to be. I doubted this for a long time, but have come to realize, it was true.<P>The first months were devastating, alot of me giving him BOTH barrels.....him still lying (it becomes a way of life for them). As I look bak, I think.....why did he stay with me when I was Love Busting right and left? He didn't want to leave, I didn't want him to, we both realized that we had to work this out together, we had to stay as close as we could, even though we became further away at first. We made a commitment to work this out.<P>It took me 9 months, (Pregnancy was more fun!!) of embarrassment, pain, and hating him as much as I loved him, to develop compassion for him. He didn't set out to do this to ME, He didn't go looking for someone to leave me for, he wasn't like me who would say no, or realize what the consequences would be....he JUST DIDN'T THINK.<P>He did everything he could, from writing me a little note EVERY morning, (I have over 600 of them in my little memory box), Went to Counseling, even saying he was sorry over 10 times a week. I still had to prompt him at times, I still had to remind him of how I was feeling. He really wanted EVERYTHING to go away, disappear, and go back to normal. NORMAL....NO. There is no normal anymore! What is Normal anyway?<P>Finding this site, after I had started my recovery, meant the world to me.....My Mother, My closest Friends, even my Daughter, and my Son, I'm sure, were tired of hearing how "I" was doing. Besides posting and chatting with people who not only gave me advise, but gave me their time and attention that I desperately needed to get on the mend, I met TWO WONDERFUL Ladies, who had simular husbands with "Bad Brain Periods"......Nerlycrzy and Wassi. We became such close friends, we even to this day talk daily, but now we say good things, and share stories of our family's day to day goings on. We still have our "Moments" and share them with each other. We Lecture each other, comfort each other, and do alot of Laughing! We have talked to each others Husbands, we have even sent each other gifts. We are from 3 different parts of the country, BUT.....we will all meet someday, that is a given!!!!! Thank you soooooo much....Nerlycrzy and Wassi!!!!<P>Let me just tell you.....IF it is meant to be for you and your spouse, You WILL get here. Where is here?????...Well...it's at the top of the mountain, it's a cozy place, It's a comfortable time, a deeper understanding of why you are together, waht a marriage means, what family means, knowing that a marriage is a lot of work, not taking each other for granted.<BR>There's no place like home!<P>My Husband and I are retired now, we take care of our 1st Grand Baby every day, (alot harder of a job then our other ones we had...LOL), but we are loving it together!<BR>My Husband has thanked me for being so strong, for being the glue in our marriage, for letting him stay, and for being a part of our Granddaughter. He is so remorseful of what he did to our Grown Children and to me. We are in a deeper marriage then I'd have ever thought possible.....should I "thank" the "slut"???......na. (yes, I still have bad, NO...Trerrible feelings for her, Always will, and I know that God understands.)<P>As for me? I am still some what confused, I may never understand "why", but I'm glad I took this raod, It HAS worked out. I can't lie....I still have things cross my mind almost every hour, facts (of which I didn't want to know more than I did) are fading. The pain is better, I will always have some though, He will always have the guilt, BUT....we will go on together, we have NEW GOOD Memories now! I try not to go backwards, I try not to think about it, I replace the bad thoughts with good ones....it takes...."TIME"<P>I wish with all my heart that you all could be here. I Know that I liked to hear the Success Stories when I was starting out on this exhausting journey, so, that is why I came back!<P>Almost Happy <P>-------<BR>TIME<p>[This message has been edited by Almost Happy (edited January 18, 2001).]

Thanks for your story. You made me cry. Maybe you have given me the hope that I may need in the coming week to keep trying & not say forget it.

Another Yayyyy!!!<P>Love,<P>Lori

Thank you for sharing your success story to the newcomers like us here. It will give lots of us hope and inspiration and remind us that it is possible and it could be done. Sometimes we just keep wondering whether to give up and move on or to keep trying with time and patience. I know a lot of success stories or at least of what I’ve seen here was the case of the husband’s affair. I wish I could see more of the success stories related to the wife’s affair. I’m sorry I don’t mean to vent or complain or anything. I’m very happy to see the happy ending.<P>OOOO<BR>

<P>So happy to hear from you.

And another

sing......<BR>I'm glad I gave you some hope, I know it is hard to come by at times. Hang in there. It is worth the time you are going through, we had no training in this, we have to learn as we go, you have to build a new life. <P>Lori......<BR>Hello, and thank you. We still need the pats on the back. It's hard to even talk about the past, but really nice to share the present.<P>OOOO......<BR>I'm sure there are Husband Success Stories out there...the Husbands don't seem to stay around as much, and very seldom come back to report in. I give you so much credit for being here on the forum, if you are here...you are really serious about your marriage, your wife is so lucky to have you, hope she realizes that soon. Keep trying, Keep hoping, give her lots of hugs with out talking, that is important! Grow back together.<P>FHL......<BR>Thanks for responding....Hello to you.<BR>I drop in and out and check on people, can't write anymore here though, need to move on. That's just me. You are so helpful to so many people, I hope they take your advice, you are good.<P>k......<BR>Thanks for the

Hello my friend <BR>Thank you for this and for everything. <BR>You and Nerly really should post more often you know. You have been my lifeline many times.<BR>There are a lot of people here that could benefit from your wisdom and experience.<BR>

AH, Thanks! Your post gives hope. My H would like to put his EA behind us, but I am afraid to trust again. <BR> I find the "triggers" fading and I am happy for that, but my H has never owned his part in the EA, calling it a friendship. He says the excitment and secrecy made it thrilling for him, but was never anything romantic. I mull that over often. <BR>H is being very kind and loving, but would prefer not to talk about it and *never* brings it up. <BR>At times I need to talk and he will explain whatever I ask 'to the best of his knowledge' (which is usually "I don't know".<BR>Thanks again for the uplifting post. L

Wassi......<BR>Yes, my Friend....we have had some good talks and will have many many more. Not to mention all the Bon Fires!!!! (I love that icon)<BR>Wisdom? I don't know, but alot of growing knowledge. <BR>Soon it will be summer and we will all be even better....I HATE WINTER! You are such a strong person, You have rubbed off on me in that catagory. Talk to you soon....<P>AH <BR>-----<BR>Time

Thank you so much. Your story gives me hope.

<P>from Liz Smith, POGP, alias<P>who really learned alot from reading your posts.<P>lizzie

Much more to you.

Here's wishing you 50 more years! <P>I love winter, but I live in Florida.

Congrats to my Comrade in Recovery!! What would I do without you? You know what they say Pal,,,the best is yet to come! <p>[This message has been edited by Nerlycrzy (edited January 18, 2001).]

LAD......<BR>Yep, that is the way it is. You will work through it, it will get better and better. Just remember and think about this, If you were in his shoes, and you were truly sorry for what happened and wanted to make a new marriage, how would you like to be treated? That is what I mean about compassion. I told my husband, when ever I was having bad thoughts, I would just ask for a hug, that way he would help me, he would know, but I tried to keep my mouth shut. Boy...I was asking for ALOT of hugs!!!! It was a way of communication. It worked well....MOST of the time.... <P>Survivor......<BR> ...Thanks!<P>Gatorgirl......<BR>Your Welcome....thanks for posting to me!<P>alais......<BR>I'm so glad it helps! Thanks!<P>Lor......<BR>Thank you, Thank you, Thank you!<P>schizzo......<BR>I wish we had 50 years more, Right now I think I could do it. Thanks for the wishes!

Nearly......<BR>BEEP! <BR>What would you do without me? What would I do without YOU. Our Husbands are lucky that we have each other....it's made it easier on them..LOL LOL...we like to talk to each other more than they liked to talk about it to US! Did that make sense? Yep!<BR>Boy, posting here this time has made me feel good, we can always use a pat on the back. <BR>YESSSSSSS....the best IS yet to come. We are getting there in leaps and bounds.<BR>Later.....<BR>AH

<B>Almost Happy</B><P>Was so glad to see your thread. What an inspiration and <B>Wassi</B> is so right about your wisdom.<P>A sincere thanks for sharing your story. Going on anniversary number two for d-day and the rocky road to recovery. You are so right, it is do-able and it is worth it. Coming out of your lurkdom to share here is a very wonderful thing.<P>I remember way back when, and you and advise you gave and encouragement. <P>Imagine <B>You and Nerly</B> posting at the same time about such success'. It is icing on the cake. You are both dearly loved here and thought of often.<P>I really loved what you said to <B>Lad</B> ... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><B>Yep, that is the way it is. You will work through it, it will get better and better. Just remember and think about this, If you were in his shoes, and you were truly sorry for what happened and wanted to make a new marriage, how would you like to be treated? That is what I mean about compassion. I told my husband, when ever I was having bad thoughts, I would just ask for a hug, that way he would help me, he would know, but I tried to keep my mouth shut. Boy...I was asking for ALOT of hugs!!!! It was a way of communication. It worked well....MOST of the time.... </B> <HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>I am going to put that in my memory bank and use it when I am having bad moments and too often let my husband know with both barrels. <P>So again, thank you, thank you, thank you!<P>Much love,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><BR><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited January 18, 2001).]

AH-<P>HIYA <P>I drop in here and who do I see but you I am so happy to read your very wonderful and newsy update. What an inspiration you msut be for all those who feel no hope at this time in their lives.<P>Now for the record..............................I too am a success story.<P>We are doing wonderful and-sit down and breath in slow and easy-I am even talking with the OW.<P>If you remember me the OW was my best friend. Sadly two of the most important people in my life were able to do a very hurtful thing to me for almsot 2 years without my being aware.<P>I never thought I had anything but choice words to say to her-oh how she hurt me. But over time I learned that I had truly liked this person more than I even knew.<P>She and I have come to terms wqith things I think-we don't tlak much about what was done as I haven't the desires to go back in to that stage of my life. She knows how it hurt me, she knows it will live with all of us forever. But she also knows she did an awful thing to me and others and she wants to be forgiven so someday she can forgive herself. I have forgiven her. God wouldn't want it any other way <P>My life is happy. Sure-I still do too much thinkign and I will also never know the WHY of it all but overall I am now a happy person. I make me happy. I don't wait for someone else to do it.<P>I am happy for you-and for all here who are gaining.<P>God bless us all-<P>Not a heartache any more<P>------------------<BR>*heartache*<P>"Life's A Dance<BR>You Learn As You Go.<BR>Sometimes You Lead<BR>Sometimes You Follow!<BR>Don't worry 'Bout What You Don't Know<BR>LIfe's A Dance <BR>You Learn As You Go."

Sam......<BR>Hello, Hello.<BR>I remember the time You, me, and Nerly were all on IM at the same time...no, it was that other site...Oh well..I can't remember what I had for dinner yesterday....ANYWAY...You wanted to hear "MY" story. I was so surprised, I thought people were tired of hearing "My Story" and you asked!.....Ya know, at that time it sure helped to talk about it over and over. I think it was a thing about....the more you talked about it, the more you could realize it really happened and begin to work on it. AND.....You, with all that you have gone through, still wanted to listen!!!! Thank you.<BR>I am so glad you are still so positive and doing good. 2 Years.....doesn't it feel good? They stayed...we accepted them, not what they did...but, THEM! You are a VERY strong woman.<BR>Thanks for stopping by.<BR>AH <P><BR>Not a Heartache anymore......<BR>Hi, Nice to see you again! I remember you well!<BR>There are simular things about our lives, I'm glad you are doing good. Yes, you do have to get happy on your own, that makes your husband happy too, when they are low from hurting us. One feeds on the other. It's a shame everything has to start with US. As John Black says.."That's a Fact!" .....I don't know how we do it, where it all comes from, somewhere deep down inside, and that is why they loved us, fell back in love with us, still love us, and will always love us. Thanks for posting to me.<BR>AH <BR>

Almost Happy, my other mentor!<P>What would I have done without you and Nerlycrzy?<P>I can ditto everything you have said. H & I are coming up on the two year mark.<P>So glad things are going well for you & your H.<P>

Sherrilynn......<BR>There you are.....Hello!<BR>My Gosh it has been a long time. I am so glad you are doing GREAT....2 years, whewww, it's been a haul, hasn't it, feels good though. We did have some good, deep talks. Thanks for stopping by!<BR>AH